Expectation Unrealistic or Real - ThinnerTimes

Barbarajo · 07-05-2005, 07:48 AM

On the thread about binging and depression 2 years out we were discussing after surgery depression and this thought came to me. Bridget (love ya) was talking about how she thought her life would be so much different when she was thin which leads to some depression long term.

So last weekend at a married couple’s retreat we had to write down our unrealistic expectations we had before getting married. It was a great exercise. Stuff like we thought our kids would get along and be best of friends. I thought my husband and my son would be great with each other. I thought my husband would never yell at me or hurt my feelings. Crazy stuff like that. Good expectation but unrealistic.

So maybe we should discuss our expectation of being THIN write down both real and unrealistic expectations. What do you or did you think would be different?

It takes a lot of thought to do this. But it will get to the core of unhappiness and help to find the true happiness.

__________________

Un-Realistic

I thought my Rheumatoid Arthritis would go away. I told myself that I would be happy if it lessoned, which it did, but now that I am in a lot of pain and depressed about. I realized I had and unrealistic expectation that it would go away.

I thought my husband would not be able to keep his hands off of me. (However, he is touching me a lot more these days.)

I thought I would of lost a lot more weight by now.

I thought I would not have to work as hard as I do to lose weight.

I thought that by the first post op appointment I would have lost 40lbs.

I thought I wouldn’t be able to eat as many things as I can eat. I am both pleased and unhappy about this.

Realistic

That I would feel more than 50% better than I did before surgery

That my husband would pay more attention to me and adore me more.

That I would lose weight at a healthy pace.

That I would be able to exercise more.

That I would enjoy shopping in the normal stores

That I could do more and have more fun.

That I be able to go the water parks and put my bathing suit on with shame and actually feel good about myself.

There are many, many more these are just a few.

Dara · 07-05-2005, 08:57 AM

Gosh, I'd like to think that I had realistic goals for my post-WLS life. However, there are some things I really misjudged.

Unrealistic Goals
-That I wouldn't have a lot of excess skin.
-That most of my excess skin would spring back into place.
-That my husband would want sex every day.
-That I would look like a 25-year old again.

Realistic Goals
-That WLS was not a cure-all for my life, but a means to an end.
-That I would incorporate some sort of regular exercise in my life in order to maintain my weight.
-That my health would improve dramatically.
-That I would shrink to a size 6 again (actually I'm a size 4 now).
-That my husband would pay more attention to me, touch me more, and want sex more frequently.
-That I would be able to move around more easily and not be out of breath all the time.

This is a very interesting thought process. Thanks for posting it.

Losin'it · 07-05-2005, 11:02 AM

I am nearly 4 wks post-op, so I mostly have expectations..... not sure what is unrealistic at this point. Here is my shot...

UNREALISTIC
--thought I would vomit alot after surgery, and have had some experience w/ dumping by now. Neither has happened.

--thought I would be down about 30-->35 pounds by now.

--thought I would be off insulin by now. Am off all oral diabetes meds, am taking < half my Lantus (injection) medication. So better, but not off everything yet...

--thought I would still be uncomfortable at this point. Have not had much discomfort since the first week or so.

REALISTIC

--thought I would be off my PPI (heartburn med), and reduce or eliminate blood pressure and other meds. Am taking half dose of BP med, off protonix and lipitor. See above for DM (diabetes) meds.

--thought my clothes would fit better. YES!!!

--thought I would have more energy. YES!!!

--thought I could get up off the floor with less effort. YES!!!!!

FUTURE HOPES/REALISTIC??

--Off all DM meds by the fall

--That I will have lost 80% of my excess weight by December '05

--That I will be able to eat salads again by sometime next month

--That I will be able to run a 12 minute mile (times 3.5 miles) by December '05 (it took me 50 minutes to run 3.5miles, a leg of a marathon, 10 days pre-op!)

--That my husband will want to have sex, touch, and generally be "more interested" within the next few months

--That I will be able to hike, swim, bike, and maybe even go sledding this winter

whew........that took thinking.....
Good exercize! thanks!

Jeanie · 07-05-2005, 11:36 AM

This is a cool thing to do.

I am going to go home tonight and think about it. I know I had high expectations on what would happen, and I get dissapointed when I feel that it hasn't happened. I wish I would have thought to do this before WLS, so that I could see if I was realistic or not.

Mavisavis · 07-05-2005, 12:31 PM

Ok, since I'm post-op I'm just going to lay out my expectations and you guys can direct me to the ones that are most likely unrealistic. After surgery I'll look back over them. I hope that my time researching in general and reading this board has helped me.

Expectations:

1. To be a size 10.

2. Exercise regularly

3. Have food lose it's priority

4. Need a boob lift, probably will lose a cup size.....bummer

5. Get off my meds for gastric reflux and high cholesterol

6. Lower BP meds

7. Get flirted with a little more

8. Wear more modern clothes........from ANY store

9. Feel more energetic

10. Gain much more self-esteem

11. Feel more feminine

12. Lose my taste for fried foods and sugar.......please God

13. To have to be ever diligent with water, vitamins, and protein

14. To always be a fat chick inside

15. To struggle with what to do with my emotions

I guess I could go on forever........I have so many expectations. I'd love to read more so I can avoid as many disappointments as possible.

Marty

Mavisavis · 07-05-2005, 12:33 PM

[quote=Mavisavis]Ok, since I'm post-op I'm just going to lay out my expectations and you guys can direct me to the ones that are most likely unrealistic.

See, I am soooooo positive I have myself already through the surgery and I am not even submitted yet.....sheesh.

Unrealistic expectation

1. To be post-op before surgery

Marty

bridgetgirl · 07-05-2005, 12:35 PM

This is a fantastic thread BarbaraJo! The only way I can post the unrealistic ideas is to think of all the times I have been let down, isnt that a shame? But perhaps others can get the ball rolling with that kind of thinking too.

I thought with thinness I could beckon any man. I could be a trophy wife.
I thought that people would be nicer to me.
I thought, hell Im young my skin will snap back.
I thought my friends would be a pillar of support.
I thought my life would become "easier" somehow. (No I dont know what that means

)
I thought I would be an exercise maniac!

Realistically:
Dating was unchanged, if anything it became more difficult as people are intimidated by attractive people.
People arrent any nicer, I get the meanest glares from women often times when I enter a room. I get "sized up" alot more by women.. I dont like it.
I suppose when I smile back at them I dont appear friendly, but arrogant.
My skin didnt snap back all the way, nothing a nip and tuck couldnt fix. When I look at the other parts that I wished to have nip and tucked, they really dont look all that bad.
My old friends went away, and I met so many more wonderful friends. My children are incredibly proud of me. I didnt want to be an embarrassment to them, when i decided to have WLS I wanted them to have a mom they coud be proud of, and boy are they! With this surgery I have so much more energy, I have done things that I would have never taken on before: started my home based business, became a governing council member on my sons school, got a rabbit, a hamster and a bird. Now I need time management!
Life is unchanged, but I have developed a new way of thinking. The one day at a time way of life. I learned that I have to think about what i eat and struggle with making the right choices. I learned that I am guarded and have difficulty opening up personally to others, this is what I am working on right now.. talking it out, not giving up.
I learned living by example is the only way to go.
I am not the queen of fitness I thought I would be, although I have recognized my downfall of not exercising i know I need to do it, and will hopefully get on track with that fast!

LizardQueen · 07-05-2005, 12:40 PM

I gotta get in on this one.
Unrealsitic-
That I would have my old, pre obese body back.
That I would be able to eat anything just less of it.
That sticking with excercise would be easy.
That my whole life would be so much better. it is better but not in all the ways I figured.

Realistic-
that I would be off BP meds. Left the hospital w/o them.
That I would at least be a size 14 again. I'm a 16 4 1/2 mo. out.
That I would have a ton more energy. I'm as peppy as they get these days.
That I would be able to do everyday things w/o getting out of breath. I can put groceries away w/o help and park at the back of the lot. Yippee!

Barbarajo · 07-06-2005, 06:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mavisavis

Ok, since I'm post-op I'm just going to lay out my expectations and you guys can direct me to the ones that are most likely unrealistic. After surgery I'll look back over them. I hope that my time researching in general and reading this board has helped me.

Expectations:

1. To be a size 10.

2. Exercise regularly

3. Have food lose it's priority

4. Need a boob lift, probably will lose a cup size.....bummer

5. Get off my meds for gastric reflux and high cholesterol

6. Lower BP meds

7. Get flirted with a little more

8. Wear more modern clothes........from ANY store

9. Feel more energetic

10. Gain much more self-esteem

11. Feel more feminine

12. Lose my taste for fried foods and sugar.......please God

13. To have to be ever diligent with water, vitamins, and protein

14. To always be a fat chick inside

15. To struggle with what to do with my emotions

I guess I could go on forever........I have so many expectations. I'd love to read more so I can avoid as many disappointments as possible.

Marty

I thought I would just make some comments on some of your numbers. Not as an expert (cuz I'm not) but as a friend and because you asked.

#1 size 10. I don't know were you are starting to know if that is realistic or not. But you may be smaller than that as well by the end. I set my first goal at size 14 which was a high goal. I now fit into the 14's with great comfort. But I do have a pair of 10 that I bought as my next goal. We shall see. I will be pleasantly suprized at 10's.

#3 Food may or may not loose it's priority depending on how much mental work you do. I know the first couple of weeks after surgery you will think you have gone insane with food thoughts. It is a constant demon battle. I hope to one day be free of. I don't think it is unrealistic but just know that it will take a lot of work.

#12 loose desire for sugar and fried foods. I think that is realistic to think that the cravings will lesson. I can still eat frieds foods which I am happy and upset about. I just can't eat them in the portions I use to eat. And sugar is one of those demons that lurk around and bug you ever so often.

Great job on the thought process. Like I said before I am not an expert I am gong through this just like everyone else.

It's not about a process it's a journey we can all go through together.

Mavisavis · 07-06-2005, 06:23 AM

Barbara,

Thanks for your input

. I really do want feedback. I am starting at approximately a size 20.....depends on brand, cut, elastic, etc. I think to get to a size 10 I would need to lose about 80 lbs, but not sure. I feel like this.....a solid maintained 16 is worth the surgery, a 14 is great, 12 is awesome, 10 is perfect.....anything smaller I am not sure what I'll feel. I am worried about food and it's place in my life. I would love any suggestions on how to move it's priority along the way. I expect to still like food and definitely will still require some thought and planning........but am hoping that the obsessive twist improves some. I kinda hope I am one who gets sick from the fried foods and sugar. Getting sick for me is a major motivator. One thing I have stopped doing over the years that is good is that I only eat to comfortable full rather than gonna split full. I think I am actually more worried that I'll eat foods that won't support my goal of health rather than not getting thin enough. I don't think I am at too high of risk of most of the sabotaging behaviors.....they just aren't my style generally. I know small amounts of junk still would leave me waaaaaay smaller than I am, but I want to be healthy.....not just smaller. Thanks so much for helping me prepare. Congrats on all your success!

Marty