Scared to have and not have GB - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

Dreaminghealthy · 12-28-2008, 04:25 PM

There is so many different emotions when it comes to obesity and WLS. Having had lapband and it do nothing for me. Well I lost about 25 lbs at first, then the weight loss stopped. No matter what I ate, didn't eat, how much I exercised, no weight loss. So, I can see I will be needing a malapsorbtion WLS. I posted before, and I am still debating over this surgery. I get to feeling fine about it, then all of a sudden I get scared. Scared of if I can handle the changes that will happen. Scared that I will die on the operating table. Then I am scared of not getting the surgery because I know I will die early from obesity. I love food and I hate it. It has destroyed my life. I want to be thin and healthy.

I am afraid of how the loose skin is going to look. I am afraid my big boobs will go flat. I am almost 41, so my gravity is already chimming in. I don't want to be this gross thing that my husband won't make love to because of gross skin. I know he loves me no matter what. I am afraid I will look worse then being fat...isn't that ironic?

I am bottom heavy, so most of my skin will come from my butt and thighs. I also have big arms, so I will have bat wings big time. My boobs, arms, and thigh skin is what worries me. I guess it is better to be thinnner and heathier with loose skin, then fat and unhealthy. It is normal to want to look decent after the weight loss though.

The main thing is I can't die with this surgery. My daughter just lost her dad to suicide, and I don't want to die because I had WLS re-routing my insides to lose weight. I know my daughter would rather have an alive fat mother, then a dead one.

I am SICK of being fat. I am sick of not being able to go in positions I want during sex. I want to be able to walk more then a half a mile without being ready to sit down and recover. I have RA and arthritis in my back. This weight is killing me with pain in my joints. All my docs want me to lose weight, to lower my blood pressure, and to put ease on my joints.

At this point I am counting calories on sparkpeople. I am doing stretches, and walk away the pounds. On nice days...well at least 40 degrees, I go for a walk outside a couple days a week. I have to go see my surgeon and talk more in detail about this surgery. When I seen the NUT, we were working on my 6 month supervised diet to get the gastric sleeve, but my insurance will not pay for it. The GB is my only other option now that my insurance will pay for.

Has anyone else debated over and over about this surgery? I have been going back and forth for months now. I was thinking about taking off a semester from college for the spring and having the surgery...if I can finally make up my mind.

Thanks for listening to me babble about my fears.

katzz87 · 12-28-2008, 04:43 PM

Scared that I will die on the operating table. Then I am scared of not getting the surgery because I know I will die early from obesity. I love food and I hate it. It has destroyed my life. I want to be thin and healthy. Totally understand the "love/hate" relationship with food. I didn't really have any fear of dying on the operating table, but was afraid that I would have some issues post-op. But they never happened...but still something you need to think of prior to surgery.

I am afraid of how the loose skin is going to look. I am afraid I will look worse then being fat...isn't that ironic? Yep, my loose skin isn't a pretty sight (but not as bad as my hubby or I thought it would be), but I've become alot more confident in myself in ALL aspects of my life! I'm almost a year out and am thinking of getting a tummy tuck and boobs "lifted"...but the bat wings and the inner thigh lose skin...we'll I'll work on those by exercising. What exercise doesn't accomplish...ah, well...that's life in my opinion.

Has anyone else debated over and over about this surgery? Yes I debated this exact thing..should I, shouldn't I? But when it came down to it I really didn't have a choice! And I for one am so grateful for this wonderful opportunity that I was given! And count my blessings.

Only YOU know what it best for you...learn all you can and make an informed decision

Marella · 12-28-2008, 04:46 PM

Hi sweety. Babble away.

I think that we could fill volumes with the fears of everyone who'd ever been here at TT, and still add more to the list.

I had the LapBand too, and seven months after, had an RNY. My fear was getting bigger and dying before my son was an adult. I also had the fear of my insides being rerouted... but my biggest fear was handling the horror stories post-op... the dumping, the restricted foods, the loss of hair, the sagging skin, all the things you listed.

I'm happy to be here, and to say, that for me, it was no big deal.

In order to get my son to try new things, I've always told him not to worry about things that haven't happened. If you're on a horse, you don't have to worry about being up there UNTIL he throws you, not IF he's going to throw you. My awesome 14 year old used that same logic on me and, he was right.

If and When you come to the point that something happens, you deal with it... but you can't live your life being afraid that IT WILL happen when it MIGHT NOT.

If you are diagnosed diabetic, you deal with it. You do the protocol for your condition and move on.

Whatever decision you make, do it for all the right reasons... and those reasons are only right to you. Do your research, be comfortable with your decision, but it's important to MAKE your decision so that you can move on AND then deal with each obstacles as it arises.

I wish you all the best.

shewood · 12-28-2008, 08:15 PM

WOW, you sound exactly like I did literally up until I inhaled the anesthesia 12 days ago for my surgery. I asked my surgeon in pre-op if it was too late to back out and he said absolutely not. I have 2 young kids at home and was terrified of never seeing them again. I even brought a small picture of them with me in the operating room and they kept it next to my head and I woke up with it. It sounds as if you are basically healthy, aside from the pain, so you are in a better situation then most. Also, keep exercising because that will greatly assist in your recovery as it did me.

Ultimately the decision is yours in the end. Just remember the statistics though, you have a far greater chance of dying from obesity than the surgery. The long term food change does take some commitment, but the surgery helps with your fullness, making it easier to stop eating. Just make sure you don't turn into a grazer to satisfy your head hunger. You must listen to your body (as I am finding out).

Good luck on your journey, whichever road you choose!

Lisa

Hychap2009 · 02-16-2009, 08:45 AM

Honestly, that could easily be me that wrote that. That is exactly how I feel with the same issues. As I've said in my previous posts, I'm in a position which I call 'Do or Die', so i've told myself I going through with it. Although I've been having scary dreams about the day of surgery. Seeing and feeling myself doing a runner at the last minutes. Pray to God I wont. I pray for the strength and confidence to follow through.

Lets hope we pass through all this anxiety. This site has been a God send though.

Regards

Hyacinth

Smudger · 02-16-2009, 11:36 AM

I am having exactly the same issues. My band was removed the day after it went it- the surgeon perforated my bowel and I lived through what could have been my (and your) worst nightmare.

My date for the bypass is 7th March and I am terrified for the same reasons you are. However, I wish I had had the surgeon I have now 2 years ago- if I had I would have gone straight for the bypass - the problems you have had are very common with the band- as apparently are issues like mine- and the bypass although seemingly a more complicated surgery, has less complications and reoperation rate.

Good luck with what you decide.

sassy37 · 02-16-2009, 11:40 AM

Sorry you and the band wasnt succesful

I wish u luck in your decision ....
I think u will get more positives than negatives here on Rny , I think its saved many lives on here !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

best wishes x

princessmommy · 02-18-2009, 12:01 AM

After my initial flurry of posts as a Newbie, I have settled back and read about my worries. I am afraid, worry about hair loss--after all hair is a woman's crowning glory AND that is one thing I could control; worry about wanting food and not getting my addiction fill; flappy skin at 55, mal-absorption; will I exercise then when I do not now; will I eat properly then when I do not now.
I read Mistymee's story and her loss, but also her stress at not losing weight as she thought she should. I want to live, so I will have it; however I am a self-pay as insurance does not cover surgery and $20K+ is a lot of money to spend and have all these worries.

mrsreino · 02-18-2009, 11:48 AM

I relate to everything you are saying. I am scared to death to do this. I know I have to do it as I am so depressed and in pain with this weight. No matter what I do, I can't seem to lose it. My self-esteem is shot to the point where I have no close friends. I find myself hating myself for not being able to succeed at this without the surgery.

But, it is a tool and I am going to use it because I want to be healthy and pain free. I want to be a good example to my children and my students. I want what all of us want. I want good quality of life. I guess that is what it comes down to. There are so many reasons...sitting in that booth, or on an airplane....but what it really comes down to is quality of life.

I am afraid I won't have the willpower to succeed....I am afraid of grazing. I am afraid of the loose skin and the lack of exercise I do now because of pain. I want to succeed. I neeed to succeed. I am so tired...I am exhausted. I am finding it so difficult to get through a day at work and all I want to do is sleep when I get home.

I don't want to live this way anymore. I want to have energy and enthusiasm for life.

I am optimistic. I believe this is my last chance and will make every attempt to suceed. I know Dr. Callery is awesome and I have faith in him. I am not worried about what can happen in the surgery. I am worried what will happen without it.

I wish you all the best and thank you for listening to me.

Marella · 02-18-2009, 12:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mrsreino

I am not worried about what can happen in the surgery. I am worried what will happen without it.

That's where I was. Everything pointed to more weight gain, even less quality of life, because I had nearly zilch, and an early death.... or worse, I'd live longer and weight 500 pounds.

This surgery was to reclaim my life. I resolved the issue that I couldn't do it alone. That it would take 5 years by mere weight loss program standards to lose the weight, and if only 20 pounds is lost after 6 months, and you have 180 to go, that's very disheartening.

So, now that you know what your future holds without the surgery, and you are aware of the risks with surgery, would you take loose skin and hair extensions over weighing a ton and being a shut-in?

If your life sucks right now (like mine did at 352), what's worse? what's better? Evaluate and decide. Other than death, why should I let the rest of those side-effect fears control me. How about taking one obstacle at a time and overcome it.

I have to keep telling myself...

Though some people regain some of their weight after WLS, it won't be me!

Though some people lose their hair after WLS, I'll live with the loss because I know it will grow back, or I'll wear a wig, get hair extensions, or cut it short.

At my weight, loose skin is a inevitable. Will I care? OK, I'm not there yet, but my boobs are sliding from my chest, and my belly is also sliding, but hey, by belly is no longer sitting on my thighs, and I wear a DD instead of an H bra. I'll stuff them in there, wear spanx, and look great in slacks.

Learn to live in the positive. Weigh out the pros and cons. Overcome those cons. Everyone has it in him/her to do it. Get more support. Surround yourself with positive people... believe that you CAN do it.