Thinking About Surgery - ThinnerTimes

aesidwell · 06-02-2005, 06:09 PM

So I've been thinking about this for awhile now, but on the advice of a very lovely (and PATIENT!) therapist, I'm finally starting my research about GB surgery and being serious about it. My biggest concern (besides weighing the pros and cons of the fact this is a LIFE CHANGING decision) is how my family will react. Despite the fact that I have a cousin that had surgery about a year ago and they have been very supportive, they have been vehemently against me even thinking about it. I want to be able to make this decision with a clear head, but that is just hanging over me. Has anyone else had the same problem?

Amanda

lealphachienne · 06-02-2005, 06:26 PM

Family generally mean well and have concerns about your safety and success. However, this is a decison about you, for you. You can take their concerns into consideration, but the decision is ultimately up to you.

Some of us didn't even bother to tell family (I didn't) until a few days before surgery to avoid the hassle of well-intentioned family trying to talk you out of it.

Donald · 06-02-2005, 07:07 PM

Do you know why they oppose the surgery for you?

If they fear the surgical risk, perhaps you can get them involved in your research... have them review articles with you, and discuss the details.

Good luck!

angieJ · 06-02-2005, 07:24 PM

Hi Amanda,

I chose not to tell my family (not even my kids -- only my husband knew) because I had similar concerns about them trying to talk me out of it or make me feel guilty. I am three weeks post op and have still not told my family. My kids just think I'm on this really strict diet and want to drink my protein shakes

. All of my family live in Florida and I am hoping to just surprise them at Christmas when we go to visit. That way, they will see me healthier and see that it was a great decision for me (can't talk me out of it 7 mos. post op...can they?)

It is a difficult decision to decide whether or not to tell them. Bottom line...do what is good for you so that you keep your health as a top priority.

I wish you the best!

aesidwell · 06-02-2005, 07:28 PM

It's a good question, Donald. I DON'T really know why. I mean, I've heard a lot of reasons (many centering around the, "well, if you just exercised more" or "if you just ate less" variety), but I've always been too scared to really get down and dirty with asking.

This is the first time I've really gotten serious about researching, though. I've already "made an appointment" to talk to my mom (a starting point at least) and go from there. Wish me luck!

Amanda

aesidwell · 06-02-2005, 07:35 PM

Thanks for the words angie! I'm not quite in the position to "surprise" anyone (all the family lives rather close) and I know I would rather have their support than not (or at least know that I tried).

Btw, LOVE your quote; I'm going to have to put that up on my computer at work!

Amanda

eyesthatkissu · 06-03-2005, 12:12 AM

Amanda...

My husband was adamantly against me getting surgery. He wouldn't even discuss it, and several times flat out told me NO. He kept saying, he'd rather have me fat, then not have me at all. I don't know where you live, or may have surgery, but seeing Dr Callery at the seminar was the magic pill for my husband. All his questions were answered and his fears were alieved. Knowledge is the best weapon against mislaid fears.

Lojak7 · 06-03-2005, 12:40 AM

Keep one thing in mind, YOU and only YOU can decide if you want the surgery. If you are married it is proper to discuss it with your spouse, but in the end it is you who is going under the knife. It is not easy, it can be a real difficult choice. When my Doc came in to the ICU after I woke up, he said "welcome to the rest of your life +20 years". I did have the support of my wife, and to be honest It almost would have been impossible to get through as easy as I did. She was dead set against it first, but she saw how much pain, and "lack of living" I was doing because of my weight. My wife met my doc, went to all the pre-op meeting and she was convinced that it was the smart thing to do. She was nervous as hell as the date approached, but she knew this had to be done. For her, and ME. good luck with your decision. As always I'm here if you need and ear......

aesidwell · 06-03-2005, 11:08 AM

UPDATE***

(Imagining newswire services clacking away in the background). So I bit the bullet and decided to tell the three people who matter most to me that I was beginning my research and to ask for their love and support. My parents, surprisingly, were EXTREMELY supportive and my mom has even offered to take off work and go with me to ANY seminar, doctor appointment, or consultation that I want to attend. I was absolutely stunned! Plus, it makes me so much more relieved that I can just research and they're there to listen and even help out with learning.

However, the third person I told is my boyfriend and he took the "are you NUTS?!" route. It's not that he's against the surgery per se, he just thinks I haven't "exhausted all of my options yet." I really don't know how to respond to that. Ultimately, I know it has to be my decision, but it wasn't very encouraging to have him so against it. I'm not going to let it stop me, at this point; I think I need a heck of a lot more information first, and in the mean time, I don't know what to do about him except to let it lie for now.

aesidwell · 06-03-2005, 11:36 AM

Eyes -
I'm in Los Angeles, and am trying to get a day when I can get away from work early enough to do the two hour drive down to Dr. Callery's office. Unfortunately, I don't know if it's practical (and his office doesn't keep a list of L.A. referrals, DARN!), so I'd love to hear from anyone who knows of good centers/surgeons in my area.