Some People Just Don't Get It - ThinnerTimes

Baron Patrick · 05-11-2005, 07:50 AM

Hi all -

Does this sound familiar?

A co-worker approached me this morning (after finding out I'm pursuing wls) and started lecturing my on why I would do such a thing!?

She tells me "you don't look bad, why would you do this to yourself?" I calmly told her why, and that I'm committed to having the procedure done. She became very indignant and told me that "God made you this way, it's your genetic make up, you can't change it. You could have lifelong problems because of it." Hey, I've had lifelong problems with my weight.

Yep, she's thin, never had to fight her weight.

I have to laugh, I can't cry anymore. Some people simply have no clue what an obese person has to go through. Especially during the summer. I'm already getting that familiar, painful rash around my beltline. You know, I would love to have some of these people spend a day in a "fat suit" so they can have an idea what we go through ALL the time.

I don't look bad? Hoo Boy, I've never heard that from anyone outside my family and friends!

By the way, I'm 5' 4" and holding at 271, BMI is 46.5.

Peace and Blessings

LizardQueen · 05-11-2005, 08:00 AM

i hate to say it but it won't get much better after! I hear that all the time! Why would you do that to yourself? You never looked that big to me? You could've lost weight if you really tried. The list goes on forever. To be honest, it does get me down sometimes. so, I come here and talk to all of these great people and realize that I am not all alone and that the rest of the cold, cold world can kiss my large a**. just try to paddle around the bad comments like rocks in the stream. You need to focus on your decision and your health and to heck with everyone else. we are here for you!

Amber

Red Feather · 05-11-2005, 08:52 AM

This issue R-E-A-L-L-Y hits close to home for me. I actually chose NOT to tell anyone (even my boyfriend of 11 years) until I was 2 years into the research and was already going through the pre-op tests! This was/is MY life! So, you can imagine when I returned to work and NO ONE knew what "procedure" I was having done - what the reaction was like. I was off from work for 10 weeks. I had really long hair when I left and anticipating that eventually it would start to fall out, I cut it off the Saturday before I returned to work. So, on Monday morning, having lost about 50+ lbs. - they really weren't sure what the change was. "Wow, you look great" - "Imagine what 10 weeks off will do for someone, like my new do?" That lasted for a few weeks and by then, I was ready to be "outted".

To the ones I knew would be the biggest "critics" I said, "If I want your opinion, I'll beat it outta ya!"

To the ones that were like, "What would you do that for?" I would say, "I wasn't really ready to die".

And, to the ones that would say, "Weren't/aren't you afraid of the danger involved", I would say "1 in 200 bypass patients die, 200 in 200 morbidly obese people die, which would you be"?

End of conversation!

I can say now, that I have the most supportive people around me Everywhere, at work, at home and amongst my dearest friends. Lack of information is very scary, it was for me at the beginning too. Expect that you will have to educate folks if you want them to understand, and eventually they will be supportive!

That's my story, and I'm stickin' to it!

pambragg · 05-11-2005, 09:13 AM

Cherie,
What a wonderful post! Ignorance does make people spout off. The best thing we can do is educate them. When faced with these dumb questions I would just tell people that I wanted to live......period. That pretty well shut them up.

bridgetgirl · 05-11-2005, 10:15 AM

I wrote this post back in december. I hope you enjoy!!

This is a small part of an article from spotlight news that I copied. I hope you enjoy! I found it enjoyable and you can bet I will be using some of these comebacks!

FIND YOUR VOICE IN THE NEW YEAR
Ever walk away from a conversation that made you really mad? And, worse, you thought of just the right things to say two hours later?

In the course of daily life, people make comments, offer suggestions, or are just downright rude when it comes to issues of food, body size and appearance. And, those commenting always have “your best interests at heart.” You know when a zinger is coming. It usually begins with “Now, I’m only thinking about you….but don’t you think…..?” Or, “I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but……,” or even worse, “I’m just telling you this for your own good…..” Ah, don’t you wish you could eliminate those hurtful remarks that are “for your own good?” You probably can’t stop them, but you can protect yourself.

Make a list of the kinds of things people say to you that really set you off. Then, come up with a set of your answers to the most frequently asked, annoying questions (FAAQS). You can use humor. You can be sarcastic. Or, as you’ll see below, you can simply ask the person why they’re asking. Be prepared. Rehearse your answers. In other words, stop being a target for everyone who wants to tell you how to live your life.

Here are some suggestions:

“How much weight have you lost?”
Possible replies:
“Why do you ask?”
“That’s between me and my doctor.”
“I’m not focusing on that and would hate to see you worry about it.”

“Isn’t having WLS taking the “easy way out?” <---- all over this one
Possible replies:
“Why do you ask?”
“What is the value of doing something the ‘hard way’?”
“Yeah, major surgery is always the easy way.”

“Should you be eating that?”
Possible replies:
“Why do you ask?”
“I am allowed to eat anything I choose.”
“Eating what?”

“Are you going to gain all your weight back?”
Possible reply:
“Why do you ask?”
“Probably. Want to go to the all-you-can-eat-buffet with me tonight?”
__________________

LizardQueen · 05-11-2005, 10:52 AM

Bridget,
That is great! I am going to use some of those answers for sure! You know how it is-Sometimes you want to punch the person and other times you don't mind. Thanks for the good answers!!

Amber

Bypassingme619 · 05-11-2005, 03:31 PM

Baron I wish I had a dollar for everytime so one came up to me to explain how my life should be or how I could loose weight if I only did this. I swear some people act like it is a news flash that I am fat. Like I need someone to pint exactly where the fat is located. I guess that is why I have kind of kept me having my surgery to myself because I refused to be stressed out by people I don't even know. Once I have it I have no problem with telling the world my stroy. If they don't like it I have a flash or two for them

. Be strong and stick to what is good and right for you. You don't have to explain anything to anybody.

LadyGigi · 05-11-2005, 06:34 PM

I just heard today that at our school districts classified union meeting last night, the area rep. started making some very rude comments about people who have had WLS and about how they should just stop eating and that our insurance should never approve anybody for the surgery. Fortunatly, one of our union officers has had the surgery and she really let him have it. My paperwork went in on Monday to be approved by my insuance. I'm trying not to worry about it and just praying that it will be approved.

Cindy

Bypassingme619 · 05-12-2005, 06:20 AM

Cindy my fingers are crossed for you. Don't let anyone discourage you from what is yours.

eyesthatkissu · 05-12-2005, 08:17 AM

Ohhhhhhhhhh so many responses going through my little brain!!!! The only area of my body that IS little!

Remember the saying, "Do not judge the actions of a man until you have walked a mile in his moccossins"? I try and do that every day. I would never tell someone they shouldn't get a boob job if that's something they chose to do. I would never tell someone they don't "Need" a triple bypass, because they don't look that unhealthy. I would never tell someone not to get a cavity filled, their teeth look just fine. It's so frustrating when people voice an opinion about something that is a very personal decision. My family have all said, "Wow.... you know what's best for you, and I will support whichever path you take." That's the kind of support everyone needs! Don't let anything anyone says ever get you down, or start making you second guess yourself people. No one knows what you go through but you!

Pat...
People ALWAYS tell me, "You don't look big enough for such a thing! You look great!" Yeah just dandy for a 300 pound jiggly, aching, tired person! Personally I just don't think they want the competition!

Amber...
I agree! Though some peoples comments are more like falling comets then rocks in the stream. But that's just when I get feisty, and say things like, "If I wanted your opinion, I promise I would have asked, now kiss my big cellulite ass!" (I love your little stars ** when you curse )

Cherie...
I told you how much I always LOVE what you have to say! *applauds*

Bridge...
I'm going to add....

“How much weight have you lost?”
Well if my weightloss was directly proportionate to the amount of times I get asked that personal question, I'd be the size of an Oompa Loompa.

“Should you be eating that?”
I'm really more concerned that you are obsessing about what I'm eating. Do you maybe have an addiction to food?

“Are you going to gain all your weight back?”
Good Lord I hope so!!! There is nothing so gratifying as being fat and being asked if I am ever going to lose all that weight again.

Cindy...
Don't get discouraged! Keep the faith and keep tugging away at things! It will happen!

Denise...
I understand what you mean. But I'm more of an in your face kind of girl. I shout it from the mountain tops! If they don't like it, if they have an unwarranted opinion.... I poke them in the eye!

Love you all!