I was having the same problems with my marriage...married for 14 years but hardly ever any sex after the first six months of marriage! I ran all the scenarios through my mind...he's seeing someone else, he's got so much on his mind, etc. I hadn't changed much physically through the years so figured that might not be the problem, but I did end up blaming myself, feeling like since he was my first and I had no experience and he'd had all sorts of girls it was my fault and I wasn't satisfying him enough!
I would talk with him about the lack of sex and ask if it was me and if I didn't know what I was doing, I was a willing student if he'd just show me! But no...it wasn't that and would say he was tired! I would always end up humiliating myself practically begging for a romp in the sack but if he did give in, he laid there like a makeral and I ended up doing all the work! I even had to get him going and that was like warming up a wet noodle (a small one at that!)!
In the end...neither one of us were satisfied and all I would feel was humiliation! I finally gave up on any thoughts of a sex life with him and didn't bother trying while still blaming myself! I just came to realize he wasn't interested in having sex with me except for getting me pregnant, but other than that it was easier for him to wack off in the bathroom! I caught him a few times reading porn and wacking off on the toilet and/or in the shower!
Well we ended up divorcing after 14 years and I would later find out that the reason why he didn't touch me...he was into little girls! Turns out he molested our daughter from 2 or 3 years to 16 years when she turned up preggers and he got scared thinking it was his! We later found out through DNA testing that it wasn't!
My daughter told me everything at 18 years when she decided to press charges. He started penetrating her at 10 years but had been grooming her for years! He acted like a jealous boyfriend and would give me some excuse to come over and visit when she'd have a date and then he'd quiz her before she'd leave and sometimes still be there when she'd come home and quiz her some more! I'd tell him to leave and he'd call me an unfit mother because I didn't take enough interest in what my daughter was doing! LOL that I was the unfit parent!
Anyway....not saying that this has anything to do with your situation, but just wanted to let you know I understand where you're coming from!
You never know what's going on in the other person's mind if they don't want to open up to you!
And don't hang around for five or ten years hoping things will get better...while you get in deeper and it's harder to get out!
Those are my pearls of wisdom...now, what's in the frig for comfort food!?!
Gina in NY
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