I Have No Sex Life!!!!!!!!! - Page 2 - ThinnerTimes

Polly D · 05-18-2007, 01:35 PM

If his need is something such as fulfilling a farm animal fantasy, that's one thing, but seems like if that's what he needs he could just say so? Is there any new information about whether he's involved with someone else?

Have you considered methods of dissipating your sexual energy without requiring another participant, until things can get sorted out? Say, blowfish.com?

Oh and to speak to your specific question, IMO he IS abusive, quite mentally/emotionally abusive. If he could talk with you about what's on his mind and come to the table to work things out it might be a different situation, but as it is he's checked out emotionally and pretty much physically.

Sunshine · 05-18-2007, 02:21 PM

My husband and I don't have a very good sex life either. Not as drastic as what you are talking about. My husband is more talkative and sharing of his self though. What I found out was that he was embarassed to be intimate with me because he felt low about himself. He's a heavy man and we have both gotten fatter since my daughter was born. BUT he has been working on this problem and has cared enough to overcome his low self esteem and we both communicate with each other.

I don't know the specifics of what is going on with you and your husband, but I do know there can be many reasons for him refusing you.

What matters is if he cares enough about you to fix it. Every human has the right to their pursuit of happiness. You deserve to be loved, respected and treated with affection. Anyone who doesn't share those things with you doesn't deserve you.

tim5ny · 05-18-2007, 02:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kwiktrip

hijack (sorry)
TIM , geez i hope your friend doesnt have his wife do that every time they have sex!!!! i mean i know it can get menautness (sp?) and boring at times but that is weird.

I have no idea if this routine with them and I don't want to know.

I stopped hanging around with him shortly after he told me. I mean, it was just too weird after that. Whenever I stopped over to see him I half expected to see his wife out on the front lawn eating grass. I have another friend that wanted to watch his wife doing it with another man. I would never have known this except SHE told me that he was getting weird sexually. She found a hidden camcorder in their bedroom and some movies of her and him. She is an extremely hot woman so you can imagine my interest in those videos. Anyway... I don't hang out with him anymore either. He knows that his wife and I talked on the phone sometimes, and I think he started to either suspect that she told me weird things about him or maybe he thought that I wanted a piece of her. Anyway... they are now divorced and I haven't spoken with either of them except to say hello and that's about it.

catherine333 · 05-20-2007, 07:50 AM

Regardless of the problem, you need to realize one very important thing...It is his problem! As harsh as that may sound, there is obviously something going on with him that he has this very low sex drive. Of course it could be medications, his weight, health and all the rest. I can assure you though that it is something going on in HIS head or body and not yours.
I ran into an issue several month ago where my hubby felt almost like he was cheating. He was to the point where he did not recognize my body when he came to bed and saw me sleeping! This made him feel guilty...almost like cheating when he would think of, heaven forbid touch this strange body.
He got over it, got used to the new me and now things have returned to how they had been. He does not have a crazy rabbit sex drive either, but he never has! Nothing I do will change that. It is simply the way he is and it did take a long time to figure out that it was not me or how I looked, but him. I love him and look forward to when we are intimate but make sure it is not my reassurance that I am attractive or desirable. I will never get this reassurance from sex.
My best advice...continue couselling if you think YOU need it, suggest counselling if you think HE needs it and THATS IT! You can't fix this on your own. It takes two people to fix the relationship and it sounds like he needs to do his part too. Honestly, I suggest easeing off the pressure on him for sex. Go on your merry way enjoying the new you (confience can be SO attractive - nagging and pressure are SOO not sexy) Hopefully he will come around. Good Luck to you guys!

inky-dink · 05-27-2007, 02:15 PM

I had a relationship go south when I lost a significant ammount of weight...My ex explained to me that he met me and fell in love with me when I was fat, because he thought I was beautiful then...he said he was not attracted to me anymore "looking like everybody else" when i was thin!...It was quite a slap in the face...we canceled our wedding 1 month before our date because of this!...maybe it's not a "for better or worse" situation...better may BE worse to him.

rainrain · 05-27-2007, 09:16 PM

a different perspective....hum....I think I will confess a little here, and pretend I am not posting on a public site and hope all will hear this information as trying to help another stapler and not for public foder...with that said, I will only ad that my own relationship at times mimicks a cry for attention. I feel rather attractive, I lost a few pounds and feel pretty sexy. Men notice me...so why doesn't my husband...well that is the question I ask myself quite a bit. (that is the feeling I have, not neccesarily reality)
He works alot and he has a lot on his mind, not to mention we have been married 25 years...but then I realize that maybe, even if we had sex 24/ 7, is that really what I am lacking???
I think for me, the reality of my quandry is more related to the fact that after 25 years of loving me the way he has always loved me, I feel like I finally deserve it, and damn I would like it....well, I changed not him....
Not giving out personal info like frequency or details, but that is not the important part it could be daily and what matters is that I feel it should be more because it is the attention I seek.....
so, I guess I am sayoing...maybe this is less about sex and more about attention??

Just a thought...you can for get the rest...maybe its just me....or not!!!

Polly D · 05-27-2007, 09:27 PM

I can't bring myself to seriously consider ways to fix the sex life part of this relationship when there are other more fundamental issues that need addressing. the question isn't how do we get him to have sex with his spouse, the question is why doesn't he want to. Is he cheating? Is he having another problem? This is not a sexual problem, even if it's as simple as sexual dysfunction. there are things to be done for sexual dysfunction, but there's no pill someone can correct a spouse who won't or can't say what the real reason is.

I still like my suggestion of "fly solo" for the sex part.

sdgrrl · 05-27-2007, 10:23 PM

RainDear,
I cannot possibly imagine why your husband is not being intimate! OMG, let him know that there is a whole demographic out there who would give a lot to have you hot for them. There's a biggggg line behind him, Rain, know that, 'kay?

I'm so sorry that this is what your husband has decided to do--I cannot imagine a soul on this forum that doesn't think you are drop dead gorgeous, inside and out, with the grace brains, and spunk to be a trophy on someone's arm.

So sorry.

Hunnyblonde · 05-27-2007, 11:15 PM

Kasey, is your husband interested in something that consumes more of his time than it should? Like computer gaming, internet surfing, a hobby or ??? I ask because my ex was diagnosed with chronic depression after we separated. We separated because I couldn't stand to live my life in competition with his computer. He played computer games every moment that he wasn't at work or asleep. I don't know if an earlier diagnosis would have saved our marriage, but I hope that something someone says will ring a bell and you can save yours.

bubbasmama · 05-28-2007, 12:36 AM

Kasey you said he has been this way since you have been married.What makes you think he will change now?Sounds to me like he's hiding something.Like Donna said lay your cards on the table.Barb