My GB Essay - ThinnerTimes

eyesthatkissu · 01-22-2005, 01:54 PM

Just thought I would share my essay with y'all.

“There are two kinds of fat people. The kind of person that was born fat, and the kind of person that was once skinny, but then became fat.” I think I heard this in the movie The Breakfast Club, I know I’m dating myself, but that message has stayed with me. I am a skinny person that became fat. I think that has made my obesity much harder on my body, mind, and heart. Of course I’m sure people that have always been fat would disagree. The one absolute in my life, is that I need Gastric Bypass surgery. First and foremost, for my health. I am so tired of being unhealthy. Getting winded just going up the stairs. Not being able to roll around on the floor and play with my children. I rarely catch a cold, and am overall a very healthy woman, except for the large amount of ailments I have just because I am fat. Second, diabetes and heart disease run rampant in my family. Genetically I’m predisposed to such things, plus I am Latina. I don’t stand a chance of not developing these diseases if I am fat as well. The third reason being, my mental health can just not tolerate being a second class citizen anymore. The next time I go to a movie theater or ride on an airplane, or sit on a folding chair, the last thing I want to have to think about is weather or not my big butt is going to fit comfortably in that chair, or God forbid, weather or not the chair will actually break!
I have always been an active person. In high school I was a cheerleader. In college I loved to play basketball and go running. Now, I lose my breath just bending over to pick up toys off my sons bedroom floor. This last year my husband tells me I snore horribly. I never get a good nights rest, because I think the sounds of my own snores keep waking me up. I have horrible heartburn all day long, regardless of what I eat. I have it now, and I haven’t even eaten today yet. I’m popping Tums every hour. Every time I rise from a chair or bed my legs hurt so bad I walk like an 80 year old woman for the first 5 minutes. My back hurts so badly at times, it brings me to tears. I am not a woman prone to exaggeration either. It’s a hard thing to even admit these ailments, since I hide them from everyone around me. I want to have one day where my chest isn’t on fire. I want to be able to go shopping without my legs killing me and having to stop to catch my breath. Most of all I want to be able to play with my kids at the park.
My mother left us when I was four years old. Two years ago I found her and we met for coffee. It was then that I discovered how poor her health was. She had had Gastric Bypass, but had it when she was a drug addict and an alcoholic. I am quite certain they didn’t take the same steps then as they do now to ensure a person is healthy physically and mentally before allowing them to have it. The day I met her, she had Type 2 Diabetes, she had severe hypertension, she suffered from numerous other ailments. She is probably the unhealthiest person I had ever met. I knew my father had diabetes, and hypertension, it runs on his side of the family. Of his 3 brothers and 4 sisters, there is only one person that doesn’t suffer from these ailments, and he is a triathlon winner. I recently found out that Latin people are more prone to these diseases. Not too mention the fact, everyone knows obese people are more apt to develop these diseases. That’s three strikes against me. My chances for living a long healthy, happy life have been dramatically reduced. Unless, I receive Gastric Bypass surgery.
This is a true story. A few months ago I was at the grocery store. I knew it was going to be a bad day the minute I saw an old friend from high school. She had been a cheerleader with me. I was hoping she wouldn’t recognize me, I tried to turn and face the soup and wait for her to walk by, but it was too late. She had already recognized me. She came up and hugged me and was so very sweet to me. In the process of that mortifying conversation, and discovering about each others lives some 17 years later, she told me she had been a Charger Girl for the last 6 years. How wonderful for her. How embarrassing for me. After we said our good byes, my mind was filled with all kinds of self loathing thoughts. I went to the checkout and was two inches from breaking down into hysterics. It was then that a man who was behind me in line, looked at my cart filled with food for a family of four for the week, and said, “How long is THAT going to last you?” I wanted to poke him in the eye, but ignored him. I finally got out of the store and went to my truck, where I cried for about 30 minutes.
My weight has gone up and down so many times over the last 10 years. I tried everything under the sun. I would have mild success with some, but always gained the weight back, plus some extra. I started researching Gastric Bypass three and a half years ago. I have been to four different Educational Seminars. I wasn’t comfortable before this day, with having it done. The risks were greater, the complications were greater. And above all else, I want to be here for my children. I went to Dr. Callery’s meeting. I have a few friends that have had him do their surgeries. I fell in love with him instantly, metaphorically speaking of course. He didn’t take this lightly, he wanted us to be psychologically prepared. He said things that in all those years of researching and discussing with people, no one had ever said before. I knew my time had come.
I am a pretty girl. I used to model. I was used to getting all kinds of attention, but not this kind. I was used to having to worry when I walked down the street, but not worry that I wouldn’t be able to get to my destination without having a heart attack. I used to worry about men looking at me, but not worry about them looking and laughing. I used to worry about finding a guy that was good enough, not worry about being able to keep the one I had. I used to worry that the plane I was on would crash, not worry weather or not I was going to fit in the seat. I used to look in the mirror all the time, now I avoid them like the plague. I used to love to sit on my husbands’ lap, now I’m lucky he lets me put my feet on it. I used to love being a live, now I’m just thankful for each extra day of living. I’ve had enough. I’m ready. I have not gone into this lightly. Nor with misconstrued ideas of what it will be like. I know it will be difficult. I know it will be painful. I also know it will all be worth it.

Blueyz · 01-22-2005, 03:38 PM

That was a great essay. I wish you all the luck in the world. Dr. Callery is the best. I am so grateful for how he has changed my life.

katlover66 · 01-22-2005, 05:58 PM

I love the Breakfast Club. That was one of the best from the 80's. I too was a skinny person who became fat but now I am skinny again. Dr. Callery and his staff have changed my life. This surgery is a tool that we must utilize not abuse and it will work the way it should. My daughter now has a Mother who can do things with her inluding Ice Skating and Roller Blading. I don't worry about falling and breakling my hip or something because of my girth. Your children will love the final outcome. My 4 yr. old asked me the other day how come I don't have a fat but and belly anymore. All I could think of was out of the mouths of babes.

Dara · 01-23-2005, 10:13 AM

Eyes:

Great essay--probably 90% of your essay applies to all of us. I think every person on this forum can relate to your life and health as a pre-op morbidly obese person. We know how you feel because we've been there. As a post-op, I read your essay thinking, "there is hope for her." Believe me, there IS hope. You will see that life can be sweet again. You can have a second chance at life. GBS is life-saving if you choose to use it correctly. The choice is yours.

Best wishes in your journey.

watergirl · 01-24-2005, 08:12 AM

Like Dara said, we all have this similar story of humiliation, hybernation, and desperation. I saw a portion of my life in your essay, it made me cry.

I'm sending ((((((((hugs)))))))) your way. I pray that your dreams are answered! I wish you all the best!

pambragg · 01-24-2005, 08:21 AM

What a wonderful, heartfelt essay. I wish you the best.

Mysticgirl29 · 01-24-2005, 01:47 PM

Wow I thought I was reading about myself....I know how you feel that was totaly 98% my life. YOu are in my prayers hope all goes well for you.

SPICYEYES99 · 10-11-2005, 08:15 PM

Wow! I think I felt every word you wrote~
I was never skinny per se but never really heavy till I was 15 and assaulted. I gained weight to hide from men and so forth. I yo-yo'ed and hit a comfortable weight until I had an accident a work and it just spirled(?) down hill from there. I used to coach soccer and do all the sports now I am embarassed to go to the games adn try and fit my booty in a stupid fabric chair for fear it'll break, one actually did! I also am Latina, Peruvian to be exact, and cancer, diabetes, and a multidude of other diseases run in my family as well. I feel I will die without this surgery and pray every night for it to come soon. I fell in "love" with Doc C too! I love the way he genuinely cares for his patients and wants to educate them. I respect that totally since most doctors I go to make me feel like I repel them. How freaking horrible is that? I want my kids to be healthy and not follow in my footsteps. i want to live to see them grow old too. I know this isn't a cure but a TOOL to help us but I have prayed for 5 years for this to come about and now I knwo God shall fulfill that promise.
I am so thankful for everyone here at this forum as I read all the support and love you have for one another. This is the best thing for someone who has no one to turn to. Even my father thinks obesity is jsut laziness and I just need to be dedicated to doing it on my own, EVEN though I have dieted (medically and on my own) for 15 years.
Thank you all for reaching out to those of us who need love, support and information!
U R the BEST!

eyesthatkissu · 10-11-2005, 09:08 PM

Thank you so much Sheri. We have so much to look forward too! Good luck in your journey sweetheart. And I agree this forum is the best!

Cinerbelle · 10-11-2005, 10:08 PM

Wow, that says it all. Except there is a third kind of fat person...the person that was fat all their life, lost 100 lbs. and was skinny for 3 years and then gained 150 lbs. That is me. I got the taste of what skinny feels like and I want it back. I can't lose the weight like I did the first time. I think my husband would frown upon me drinking Coors Light every night instead of eating...that is basically how I did it and of course all the weight came back.