Friend that wont stop eating with wls - ThinnerTimes

lward76 · 03-26-2007, 12:10 AM

Hi, okay so I have this friend that had gbs a couple years ago and she really looks good! But, the thing is she goes to mcdonalds still everyday still almost and gets a big fountin pepsi everyday 32oz... and eats reeses....I tell her that she shouldnt be doing this and even buy her crystal light but I went to her house the other day and they were still sitting there! I am mad at her because she knows I am getting ready to have my surgery and I wanted her to help me with mine..but there is no way because i love my pepsi to and I dont want to be this person after my surgery...i have stopped talking her calls because its just too much for me... but i cant do this either she is my friend and has been for a long time! I know she is not gonna stop though! I dont know just venting I guess! But, I am really surprised that she can have all that sugar and not be sick...but she said she is fine with it! And I Have another friend too that had this done she can still drink pepsi but nothing else with sugar that is wierd ...but guess everyone is different!

ajmoe · 03-26-2007, 02:22 AM

Laura, I can't tell you how she can eat and drink like that after surgery. Each of us handles it different and our pouches are all different. Is it good for her long term probably not. But her decisions don't have to be your decisions. You don't have to stop being her friend if you don't want to but if you want to make different choices than she does you are going to have to be willing to step up for yourself. After surgery if you don't want pepsi and she offers it or you see her drinking it, you are going to have to say no and probably ask that she respect your decision to not drink pepsi and not offer it to you again.
My mom had surgery 2 years ago. She can eat dark chocolate and cookies and she does not always make low fat, low sugar choices. But she is not me. Often she is surprised how I eat. I always eat low fat foods and no sugar or very low sugar foods. I also drink protein drinks and carefully watch my protein. She has not done any of that. I thought she would be more helpful after I had my surgery but I have found that I can not make the same choices that she has made if I want to be healthier. I make my choices. She has not lost all of her weight and continues to struggle with it. She also does not exercise very much. That was not a choice I felt would work for me either so I made the decision to exercise and I keep up with that.
She now asks me what I am doing and how I am doing. And sometimes she follows my lead and tries to eat better. I know that the best thing I can do for her is to make good decisions for myself and let her do her thing. She very well may follow my example someday and become healthier herself. If not I also know I can not make it my problem. She will make her decisions and if she makes bad ones than I can not let that take me off my track.

Good luck with your surgery. Find the path that works for you. If you find that after surgery it is too hard to be her friend than end it or limit your time with her. If not than be her friend and try to show her by example not only in your eating but your attitude and your ever improving health.

Mavisavis · 03-26-2007, 08:00 AM

All you can do is decide what is best for you. I have found that trying to "help" someone who doesn't want it is very futile, and is really just controlling. I would talk to her honestly and tell her it will make things hard on you. If you can't see her, tell her. Then offer to be a support should she need it. Sometimes the real reason we get so angry or frustrated is that the person actually hit on the fears we have for our own self....it's kind of like a mirror and it can be scary.

mauldinmama · 03-26-2007, 08:36 AM

it sounds to me like you do care for this friend...I would explain my fears/concerns and make her aware right now your not strong enough at this point that you have to "follow the rules." Not only does it bother you she isn't eating healthy but you just have to follow your doctors rules.
Open the door and follow your heart/gut. First and foremost you need to take care of you to be able to take care of someone else....
It has taken me 41 years and I am still trying to learn and follow that one.
Best wishes

sweetchristiangal · 03-26-2007, 09:28 AM

Pepsi Yikes....I am scared of soda pop. I snuck a drink one time of my sisters and it about killed me....and this was monthes post op and it was diet. I do have a deire for reese's, I usually do good avoiding them as they are a back stabbing little B!tch.

As far as your friend goes, it sounds bad but sometimes people can be a terrible warning if they cannot be a good example. Carry the crytsal light w/ you everywhere and w/ 2 bottles of water, that way you are not temped to get something if you don't have it handy.

Don't worry you can do this, also this sounds bad but don't be surprised if this "friend" goes away after surgery. Did she ever make her goal weight? Is she maintaining?

Bella · 03-26-2007, 09:30 AM

Not trying to be mean or selfish but .. I would stay away from this friend until you get a handle on your routine.

I think this whole process is difficult and at least in the beginning ... you need to protect yourself.

After all - isn't it more important that YOU lose weight .. than SHE lose weight? If she blows it - that's HER .. it doesn't have to be you though.

I am handling my situation well I think mainly because I kept saboteurs out of my life!

Gosh, the thought of picking up a cookie worries me to heck because I'm so afraid I'll fall off the wagon .. and continue to fall.

I don't even wanna know if I can get by without dumping! My assumption is that I will.

I quit smoking about 6 years ago and would never have another one - because I know if I did ... I'd fall off that wagon too. Nope, I don't hang around smokers either - why tempt fate? I know I'm weak in this area too!

I wish you all the best and sucess in your wls ... but I repeat 'protect yourself' from distructive influenences.

YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!!

StacyBee160 · 03-26-2007, 10:01 AM

All you can do is learn from her mistakes... you've seen what she does wrong and you know the results, so don't go there!

I have a hunch too, that after your surgery she may be threatened that you'll do so much better, and she'll try and get you to eat and drink the same things she is...Visit with her when you're already full and DON'T fall into the old "Oh come oh, one bite won't hurt you..." trap!!

It's too bad she's doing this to herself, but truly it is her problem. You can't fix it, so focus on doing the right thing for YOU, and you'll do great.

Good luck!

lealphachienne · 03-26-2007, 11:11 AM

Each person deals with this process in many ways. I'm sure that many look at me and think the same thing. I can eat chocolate covered dounts without breaking a sweat. I'm sure if someone pre-op saw that, they would think all sorts of things about what I should or shouldn't be doing. That's ok, I know that for myself, I moderate and not skip out on what I enjoy.

It is a funny thing being human, instead of simply asking, hey, how can you do that or inquiring about why, we hide and don't want to communicate our concerns. We stop talking to people and the distance becomes wider.....

Why are you mad at her? Is there something that she is doing that you wish you can do? Generally, we get pissed off at other people for what we find wrong within ourselves.

LisaBoston · 03-26-2007, 02:27 PM

My husbands favorite quote: You can't drive others peoples cars for them, only your own. People get road rage from other bad drivers, but you can only be responsible for what you do in your own car.

Same goes for us. We can support those around us on any eating plan, not sabotage them, but really we are the ones responsible for what goes in our own mouth.

lward76 · 03-26-2007, 08:33 PM

Well, okay I just talked to her, she came over and she said that she will not bring pepsi around me or fatting foods..candy...etc...great...i just told her that we both love the same foods and drink and I dont want to do that after my surgery, she said she understands fully!

I sure hope so...she also said she is gonna help me till i get well...that made me happy...but just hoping she dont mess up around me for awhile at least...now to awnser some questions....she had the surgery 3 1/2 years ago..and is way below her goal weight she is 5/6 and weighs 114 pounds

she is very very skinny! Well, am I mad at her maybe not I think I was just frustraited because ya I am a pepsi drinker and that will be my bigggggest biggggest fear of all!!!

But, I know that I can do this! I just know that I can!