OT- Child support and the evil ex! - ThinnerTimes

onesalemchick1975 · 02-27-2007, 06:41 AM

I just needed to vent for a minute....

My ex (major a**hole) is WAY behind on child support... like $6k.... we have been to court NUMEROUS times over the last couple years... he has been found guilty twice for failing to make the payments on time (most recently in Dec '06) and they sentence him to 12 months in jail and then suspend 12 months.. so basically to me that means NOTHING....

He has paid $100 in the last 3 months... and child support enforcement sucks IMO... yeah, they keep a running tally of what he owes, but I don't see them doing jacksquat about collecting it!! I talked to them today and it was like talking to an idiot...

Why is it ok for him to be free and have no kids, go to the gym every day, he has a girlfriend (did I mention the wife is in the state pen?) and be completely free.. never gets the kids, we hear from him MAYBE 1 every two weeks... except he has called TWICE this week (big freakin' deal.. only because his birthday is today) and not have to pay support?

If I didn't feed, clothe, provide a home for the kids, I would be locked up.. and essentially I feel he is doing the same... he provides NOTHING.. no love, no support, no money.. NOTHING... BIG OLE LOSER...

anyone have this experience? Is there an island we can send those jerks to where they have to slave to make their money and can't come back until they are caught up???!!!

Rachel · 02-27-2007, 08:19 AM

Does he have a job? and why are they not garnishing his wages?

Bypassingme619 · 02-27-2007, 08:32 AM

Melissa my prayers are with you. I can't imagine how fustrated you are right now. You must not live in California. In California he would be riding the transit system with his new girlfriend. No child support no drivers license. Hang in there and stay strong for your children. He will pay.

onesalemchick1975 · 02-27-2007, 08:41 AM

That dang loser had a job but got "injured" on the job and was getting workers comp... and they do not garnish it from that, it was up to him to pay direct (duh, hello? he's never been one to pay just because he is ordered to)

Also, his licensed IS suspended and he STILL drives... a couple years ago I used to call the police and let them know... they couldn't do anything.. said they had to have a reason to pull him over, not just because they "suspected" he was driving on a suspended license..

Not to be whiny, but why do I feel like I am the one who was trying to do right, but he is the one who gets off scott free?!!!! I ALWAYS have the kids, he never gets them, they never get to spend time w/ him... he does NOTHING for them.... it makes me so bitter and resentful sometimes and that IS NOT the person I want to be.... I am not perfect by any means, but I just think he should care more about his kids than that...

onesalemchick1975 · 02-27-2007, 08:42 AM

Oh, and BTW Rachel... GOOD LUCK TOMORROW!! No cancellations yet is there? I hope everything goes well for you!! See you on the losers bench!!

mauldinmama · 02-27-2007, 08:59 AM

Hey, I am sorry you are going through this, but you must let go of the bitterness and anger because you are still giving him the power over you. My children are older now and I did survive not ever having their father around. Like you....it did piss me off. I felt like I could never get a moments peace...Dates for me were tough had to find a sitter I could trust yayayay....BUT the bitterness will KILL you. Bitterness will eat away at you....try to find the good in your life and find things to be grateful for. REmember in this crazy world you can only control YOU>>>>>> Change your thoughts change the world. Just stay focused on the good in your life....

Bella · 02-27-2007, 09:14 AM

I don't have any children but I agree with Leesa.

Forget about him completely and just get on with your own life. Don't contact him and don't accept calls or contact from him.

He's the one that's living his life wrong and he'll get his one day, but you need to purge yourself of all this resentment.

He's not worth it - it will eat you up.

onesalemchick1975 · 02-27-2007, 09:18 AM

Thanks for the response everyone... Actually I don't talk to him at all... he is allowed by court order to call once a day to speak w/ the kids, but usually only calls once every couple of weeks... I don't even discuss this with him... I have no conversations at all with him...

I have just been bummed about not getting child support and feeling like the state does nothing to help...
thanks for letting me vent!!

LisaBoston · 02-27-2007, 09:33 AM

This is a touchy subject for me, however I will say that HE is the looser, not you and certainly not the kids. Let him loose. Don't expect anything from him, thus no let down and no anger.

I was on the other end of the coin (thus issues). My husband paid $500 a month for 14 years and then double that when he was 19-22 years of age while in university. We had ZERO access to him for over 10 years when he was a minor and when he was 16, he decided that he didn't need a dad. Not to mention the many a time she took us to court to get more money - she wanted $900 a month and then when revenue canada (IRS) came after her as she didn't claim the money she received, she tried to sue us to pay her back taxes. We won every case, had to pay all our lawyer fees and the child resented us for each one of these times she took us to court. Never did we ever file against her.

Its a very sad system, but I learned that you can't live for what might be, always waiting and wondering - so if I can give any advice, take care of yourself, your kids and if he provides anything, consider it a bonus. As your kids get older, they will learn what happened all these years, and you won't have to be the one to tell them.

Wishing you the best.

onesalemchick1975 · 02-27-2007, 09:42 AM

Thanks Lisa!

I have been dealing with this for 5 years now... my oldest understands the issue w/ his dad (there are other issues, not just child support) and actually sometimes he makes some very funny comments about the situation.. He is almost 12. My daughter is 6 and she couldn't care less about anything that goes on.. hehe...

I have a boyfriend (who, btw... is the MOST WONDERFUL man) and he pays his child support to his ex on time every month... not to mention he pays more for one child than I get for 2.... he also buys clothes, shoes, supports school functions etc.... glad I traded in that old heap of junk for this new model!!! hahaha!!

Maybe today I am just emotional.. normally I don't worry about the child support, but since I can't eat myself into oblivion anymore I have to deal with the issues when they come up... but I am hanging in there and will continue to!! :O)