What a strange and inappropriate reaction! - ThinnerTimes

Squishy · 02-01-2007, 07:01 PM

A very strange thing just happened and I am not sure why. I have been collecting information about my past weight loss successes and failures to help build a compelling case for the doctor and insurance company.

I have been going through photographs to include with the spreadsheets I have kept over the past few years, thinking that this would make it more visible than just numbers on a page. I know I tend to over-prepare for things, but I really want this to go through.

So tonight, my son asked me why I was looking for pictures of myself. I just said..."just something I'm working on." A while later he asked me again, so I told him what I was doing.

My wife immediately said "I don't think you need to do that."
My son chimed in and said something about my ovethinking it.
My wife immediately added something like "you have already proven that you need it"
There were a few more similar statements by both of them in rapid succession and then my son started to say: "It's like by gathering pictures you're trying to...."

And at that moment, I cut him off and yelled at them both: "Would you both just shut up!" and left the room.

First, I don't tell people to "shut up." It's just not me. Second, I don't know why I had such a strong reaction. It was definitely bothering me that they both felt like they could/should tell me what I should or should not be doing to convince the doctors and insurance company. It's not like they have any experience with this, but my reaction was very inappropriate and out of character. I know I am in for worse than this from other people as I go through this process, so I cannot be this thin-skinned.

I also don't understand their reactions to what I was doing. This is not the support I was expecting. The text above probably does not convey the tone of their reaction very well. They were both talking really fast and overlapping each other and it really felt like they were all over me about it.

At first my son and daughter were not happy with my decision to try for the surgery and I told them that it was not something that I was taking lightly and asked him for his support.

My wife has been supportive and wants to have the procedure too. Her doctor is saying that she does not think that she has tried consistently enough to eat properly and exercise. This is probably true.

Is it possible that my son is just scared and is hoping that I change my mind? Is it possible that my wife has some resentment that I am progressing in the process and she is not? Were they just trying to help? Am I overthinking this???????

Who was that man that showed up and yelled at my family?

I better end this for now. I have some apologizing to do.
-Mike-

JenBear7 · 02-01-2007, 07:10 PM

Hmm.. who was that man that yelled at your family?? I am afraid that it was the human living inside of you.. No-one can be calm, cool and collected all of the time.. I am sure they will forgive you, as you will forgive them.. *hugs*..Stress does funny things to people, and I am not saying its "OK".. but its not wrong.. it just is. ?? Chin up..

(I love your posts by the way.. very well written! )

LyndasRoom · 02-01-2007, 07:19 PM

Mike,
Perhaps they aren't privvy to the information you have, that indeed documentation, pictures, any information you can put together, can make a compelling case for your doc/insurance provider. And it gives you a place to see how far you've come, down the line. Shake that stranger off, discuss with your family, and try to make them understand. It'll be for the best in the long run. spreadsheets? I'm impressed! I have lil notebooks all over the house with cryptically coded weights, losses and measurements! LOL...

Hunnyblonde · 02-01-2007, 07:49 PM

I think what you're doing is awesome! I am also an over-preparer (is that a word?)! I'm sure if you explain the stress that is involved in this journey to your family that everything will turn out. And yes, your son probably was, even if it was subconsciously, attempting to undermine your decision to have the surgery. Dealing with a parent's mortality can be very difficult. See if you can get your whole family to go with you to support meetings or to see your doctor when you get to that stage. It really helped turn my husband around to talk to my surgeon. He was 100% opposed to the very idea of wls for me until he talked to the one person he felt was telling him the truth and not sugar-coating it.

If you've read any of the posts from him (hunny's_honey on here), you'll know he is my biggest supporter now.

Good luck in your journey Mike!

Debz · 02-01-2007, 09:11 PM

My 9 year old daughter has made no bones about her feelings regarding me having the surgery. She says she likes me "big the way you are", and is afraid I could die on the operating table. I think our kids need to see us as invincible. My 21 year old son, on the other hand is very supportive because he understands the danger of me staying MO. My fiancee stays pretty neutral...but that's just his nature. He says he'll support me whatever I do.

As far as your family's reaction, is it possible that you're talking obsessivly about your research? I got the "perhaps you could back off a bit on the daily research update" talk the other day. Maybe they've just had enough? Just a thought. I'm sure they love you no matter what. And it wouldn't be surprising if they do have some of the feelings you mentioned. You're not going to be just changing your life in a dramatic way; you're going to change theirs also. I know that when my honey talks about loosing some weight(he's about maybe 30 pounds overweight), I, as a women feel a little insecure about that. As long as he's a little overweight, I don't feel as uncomfortable about my weight in regard to him. But the moment he drops a few, I feel so self-conscious about my body. I dive for a towel after my shower and try to limit any nekkid time to total darkness. Maybe the thought of you loosing a significant amount of weight is scary for your wife.

Your reaction may have been strong, but,take a deep breath, and forgive yourself. It's a very emotional time you're in right now. I don't know about you, but I am really raw as I go through this process to surgery. In my decision to do this, I've had to admit that I basically have given up all hope that I can diet this off. I have to remind myself that's not a failure, but an admittance that I need more help than a diet can give me. But either way, it's a painful admission. In addition, knowing that the decision about your surgery is in the hands of the insurance company...that OTHER people who don't know you are making this major decision about you is very stressful. I hate not having any finality in my life right now. So, if you pop off every now and then, it's understandable. Just dont wind up on "Cops"

I don't think it's possible to over prepare...especially for an insurance company. The more questions you cover before they ask them, the better off you are, in my humble opinion. Good luck with your insurance. Be kind to yourself. Sorry for writing a book...

Dyann · 02-02-2007, 05:32 AM

Your reaction is probably a reflection of how badly you want the surgery, you want to try to do everything to ensure your approval by the doctors and insurance, and they may not quite get that. Realize they love you and you need to take the actions you think are best in achieving your goals.

Just so you know, that will be the first of many emotional rollercoaster rides you have with this process. Buckle up.

desperatelyseekingME · 02-02-2007, 06:19 AM

Like has been said, first of all, forgive yourself and then take a deep breath. I can tell you, emotions run CRAZY while dealing with everything it takes to get approval for this surgery. You are going through a whole array of feelings, having your own load of questions and "what ifs". Your family loves you and doesn't want anything bad to happen to you - and in most cases what we perceive as lack of support, is really just their fears being vocalized.

Change isn't easy for some to adjust to, especially if there is a risk involved. Their reactions are normal for the most part - and honestly, so was yours.

Rachel · 02-02-2007, 06:50 AM

There is such an emotional rollercoaster going on inside when you are trying to get the approval. It isn't easy to try to cover all of the bases. You are human and you have a lot going on inside right now.

I agree with what the others have said. Take time to explain to them how important it is to provide as much information as possible to the insurance company. I would also have a talk with them about how emotional this process is for you and why it means so much to you.

The nice thing is that they are family and that whatever sparked their reaction came from a place of love. They love you and you love them and together you can get through anything.

I hope you feel better soon and that all this hard work pays off and you get approved first try!!

Baron Patrick · 02-02-2007, 07:18 AM

So, MIke - how did it go? Did you have to sleep on the sofa last night, or possibly the doghouse?

What a lot of people don't "get", is how emotional wls is. Even just thinking about it can give one the jitters, and respond in un-natural ways. We calm down when we start the learning process, then it starts again as it get's closer to one's surgery date - because then it becomes real, it's no longer something in the future.

I hope your family can understand that what your going through emotionally is pretty much normal. Bring your family into your world of wls. Teach them what you've learned. Let them be part of the process, in fact, they have to, for everyone's sanity!

coptergirl · 02-02-2007, 10:09 AM

All the other posts are sooo true. I would sit your family down and talk with them. It is obvious you feel badly about your reaction, but let them into your mind and your thinking so that they can understand that this is a very emotional time. be especially sensitive to your wife since she also would like to have this surgery. Talk with her, not at her - keep her involved with your process and don't shut her out.

I am sure you will do the right thing. Hang in there for the ride of your (and your family's) life