pambragg

Hey all,
I have been quiet on the forum for a few days now. I don't know if I am in a post holiday slump or just have the blues. I have missed my friends here and have decided to kick my own butt out of this thing. Christmas was 4 days of constantly being busy and on the go. I don't know if I am feeling the letdown of that or what. I am really looking forward to 3 days of peace and quiet (except for the Charger game Sunday) over the New Year break. I wish you all a very happy, prosperous New Year.

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Pam
Open 7/7/04 Dr Callery
333/130/150.........20 lbs below goal now!!
Start/current/goal
TT done 7/19/06
BMI pre-op 57.2
BMI now 21.6....OMG...I'm freaking "normal"

"You are the only one who can make the difference. Whatever your dream is, go for it."

Blueyz

Pam,
I am right there with ya. I think I was just too busy and I keep thinking about others and not myself. I am worn out. I am also feeling blue because I feel like my body will stop losing and I won't make goal. It sounds silly, but I think it is because I have failed so many times in the past. 2005 will be better and I, too am looking forward to having some more days off to just rest.

Big hugs,

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Blueyz
Open 7/14/04 w/Dr. Callery 4 years out
239/103/125 below Goal fluctuating between 108-115
BMI 18.8~Dr. C is ok with my weight...yeah

Official Scale Whore # 27 (Recovered..I threw mine out!!)

Tara

Pam,
It's funny that you mention the blues. I had a emotional breakdown Christmas Eve day. After work I just got an overwhelming sense of sadness come over me. I to don't know if it was being on the go,go,go then finally the holiday was here or what! You aren't or weren't alone.
Tara

pambragg

Dale & Tara,
It's nice to know that I am not alone in this. I'm sorry that you guys are blue too. Big hugs to both of you.

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Pam
Open 7/7/04 Dr Callery
333/130/150.........20 lbs below goal now!!
Start/current/goal
TT done 7/19/06
BMI pre-op 57.2
BMI now 21.6....OMG...I'm freaking "normal"

"You are the only one who can make the difference. Whatever your dream is, go for it."

bridgetgirl

you guys, Im sorry to hear that your a 'lil down... it hurts my heart n stuff.... we need a girls night again!

Here's a pick me up: What do you call a woodpecker with no beak? A headbanger!! I hope it made you smile!

Dale: Karen and I were talking about stuff last night, your afraid you wont make goal and her and I were sharing about how frigging terified of getting fat again. We are so hard on ourselves... worried that we wont make goal and then worried when we get there we are gonna go back to being MO. Who know all of the stress associated with "taking the easy way out" LOL im worries and scared too girlfriend... but your gonna make it.. shoot you already have, you tiny lil thing you-you look great!

(( HUGS )) to you my sisters. I love your faces!

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J.Bridget Fisher aka koi-pea
2/9/04 lap 5'11"
298/170-trying to lose another 10

www.myspace.com/caliclovercutie
What Sawyer would call me on LOST: ladybug

"People will argue with you that getting what you want in life isn’t something you can learn, if you’re destined to be one of the worlds winners as opposed to one of its perpetual whiners, its because you have been born with the right talents and temperament and have a big dose of self-esteem, ambition, and good judgment." Kate White

brutherford

I feel all of your pain! However, I've spent thousands of dollars on therapy over the past four years, so let me pass down some of my well-earned knowledge:

• Inevitably, part of the sadness comes from the fact that food has been such a huge part of all of our celebrations. It's like having an uncle die, then all gathering around the table at Christmas and missing him terribly. I battled this more at Thanksgiving than Christmas - on one hand, I was thrilled to be able to eat a small nibble of everything on the table; on the other hand, I was actually sad and dissapointed that I couldn't gorge myself for more than 10 minutes.
• In the past few weeks, we've all probably seen at least a few people that we haven't seen in some time, and dealing with our friends' and family members' reactions to our physical changes can be exhausting for a few reasons. 1) The adrenaline rush of all the attention sets you up for a crash after everyone leaves; and 2) It gets the old brain working overtime, and all those "what if" questions start to surface, like...
• "What if I don't hit my goal?" "What if I start to gain weight again?" I'm so glad you guys brought these things up because they're starting to creep into my head too. There is no way to guarantee that any of us won't be morbidly obese again; however, as my therapist says, just the fact that we are worried about it is a good sign. Keeping a healthy concern as to our decisions and our behaviors is key to never returning to MO land again - without that concern we could be in trouble.

I've been having a hard time recently too, but as most of you know it's been revolving around the separation of my husband and I. Except for packing and moving, I'm not exercising, and I've continued to log all of my foods on fitday.com so I know for a fact that my food and calorie consumption is definitely up. In the past week or so I've noticed that I can eat about half a cup more of food in a sitting - so, I guess the honeymoon is over. Between the portion sizes and the holiday goodies, my calorie consumption has gone from about 800 a day to 1200 a day. It's not every day, so the average is about 1000, but you all get the picture.

So, the old me would have completely freaked out. I would be beating myself up emotionally so bad that I would have probably called in sick to work a couple of days just so I could be flogging myself uninterrupted. However, the new me realizes that I cannot always be perfect. I'm going through some serious sh** right now, and it's all going to be okay. Yeah, I can eat more, but each day I try to eat the right things and I succeed the majority of the time. The scale hasn't moved for me in the past 3 weeks, which is scary, but I'm honest enough with myself to know that it's a direct result of my behavior, and that I can and will change it when I'm ready. I just have to get through this next week of moving, then I can create a new routine for my new life.

I think it would be helpful for all of us to take a step back from ourselves and look long and hard at all of the amazing progress we've made. Weight loss is only part of the equation. This New Year's, while I move into my gorgeous new apartment, I'm going to spend the whole day congratulating myself on how far I've come. They say that what you do on New Year's Day is indicative of how your year is going to be - why not spend it loving yourself?

__________________
"You are where you are in your life because of what you believe is possible for you." - Oprah Winfrey
Barbara R.
Open RNY 4/28/04
317/165 AT GOAL
5'9", 126.5" lost
Starting BMI 46.8
Current BMI 24.2

bridgetgirl

Okay I got a post in my mailbox and then when I came here to see it, it was gone! Did you vent then delete again? Well to let you know I saw it, and my heart goes out to you and I love your face!

__________________
J.Bridget Fisher aka koi-pea
2/9/04 lap 5'11"
298/170-trying to lose another 10

www.myspace.com/caliclovercutie
What Sawyer would call me on LOST: ladybug

"People will argue with you that getting what you want in life isn’t something you can learn, if you’re destined to be one of the worlds winners as opposed to one of its perpetual whiners, its because you have been born with the right talents and temperament and have a big dose of self-esteem, ambition, and good judgment." Kate White

Dara

Bridget:

Yeah, I deleted again. I was just feeling down, but I had writer's remorse and deleted. You know me...I get second thoughts about the stupid stuff I write sometimes.

You're a good friend...you caught me! I'm doin' okay, although Melanie got stuck at work and we can't walk today as planned. We're gonna walk tomorrow morning instead.

Thanks for keeping me honest, girl!

__________________

Dara
Open RNY 4/27/04 Dr. Callery
10-15 lbs. above goal weight and okay with it

bridgetgirl

It was so good though. It was well written and well thought out, there was nothing wrong with what you wrote as far as I can tell.

Well, sounds like you need a good friend and a cup of coffee.. Im in Pt Loma, how quick can you get here?

__________________
J.Bridget Fisher aka koi-pea
2/9/04 lap 5'11"
298/170-trying to lose another 10

www.myspace.com/caliclovercutie
What Sawyer would call me on LOST: ladybug

"People will argue with you that getting what you want in life isn’t something you can learn, if you’re destined to be one of the worlds winners as opposed to one of its perpetual whiners, its because you have been born with the right talents and temperament and have a big dose of self-esteem, ambition, and good judgment." Kate White

Dara

Bridget:

Thank you soooo much for your wonderful invitation...but I'm supposed to go to dinner later with my hubby, brother and sister-in-law.

My earlier post was during a weird, nosedrive kind of "down" time. I wonder if anyone else gets those kind of thoughts from time to time. I seem to feel depressed when I have nothing to do and I start thinking about things in the past. I read some poetry (why, I don't know) from one of the survivors on the sexual abuse website and it made me a hundred times more depressed.

Then I read about sexual abuse survivors having post-traumatic stress disorder. I never realized it, but I think I have PTSD too. I have YEARS of amnesia...I've blocked out almost all of my memories of abuse.

My life is so great now. Why I chose to contemplate this old, dead stuff today...hmmm...who knows?!?! I'm an expert at self-sabotage and self-destruction. Maybe it's a little of both rearing their ugly heads today.

Anywaaaaaaaay...

I wasn't a coffee drinker before surgery, but I'm thinking more and more about that stuff they refer to as CRACK from Starbucks. It sounds soooo good...sugar-free, fat-free vanilla or hazelnut lattes. Pre-surgery, I used to love the mocha frappacinos, so apparently I can tolerate some coffee! I just mask it with other flavors...kinda like I do hard liquor. Can't stand the stuff straight, but put it in some cream or foo-foo girly stuff and I'll try it.

I'll take a raincheck on the coffee date, but we'll definitely have to get together. Thanks again for listening to my ramblin'...

Love ya...

__________________

Dara
Open RNY 4/27/04 Dr. Callery
10-15 lbs. above goal weight and okay with it