Effect on family members weight? - ThinnerTimes

Squishy · 01-19-2007, 06:51 AM

Hello all!

I keep coming up with more questions and I appreciate all of your responses. Both my wife and I have long-term weight problems. Our kids are a little overweight, not morbidly obses, but definitely overweight. To be accurate, I guess they really are not "kids" anymore. Both are in college. One living at home and one out of town.

When the parents go through Gastric Bypass Surgery, what effect does this have on the family? Is it common for the kids to lose weight too because they see their parents preparing smaller, smarter meals?

It would kill me to see my kids continue to gain weight to the point that we have. My sone, who lives with us is the heavier of the two, and I know that we have to take a lot of blame for that based on how we have eaten and what we have provided over the years. Since he is still home, I suspect that he may be more influenced than my daughter.

My daughter was actually in fairly good shape until she went off to college. There she gained about 50 pounds in the first two years. She has been dieting at school and appears to be losing some of it now, but she came home for Christmas break and I'm afraid we have not set a very good example for her. she fell into some of the old habits.

Thank you in advance for any replies.
-Mike-

eyesthatkissu · 01-19-2007, 07:05 AM

Hi Mike! My kids aren't as old as yours are, so I'm afraid my response won't be very helpful. But I can tell you two things, first being my children ages 10 and 8, have always eaten fairly well. Even as an MO person I was vigilant about how much THEY ate, and what they ate. But after surgery they are more in tune with making good food choices then ever before. People are amazed when they order a salad and water at a resturant. I think it's cute. It's impossible for your family not to become keenly aware of what they eat. The catch is trying to find that balance that makes them want to make better choices instead of feeling badly about themselves and starting to eat more. That's my second point. As a young adult when I was at home and my father, who never had a severe weight problem, but was very vain lol, would go on a diet. I didn't join him, I just felt worse about myself. It's a catch 22. But I think that open commuinication is key. As long as your children feel like you are proud of them I think your journey can be a great tool for them as well. I hope this helps....

CiCi · 01-19-2007, 08:59 AM

Hi Mike.

I'll tell you about my experience in case it might help you.

I have two sons, ages 17 & 13. Neither of them have ever really had a weight problem. (I didn't either until I was in my mid-twenties.) I should tell you that neither of them are really momma's boys in any way at all. They love me, but couldn't care less about my personal issues... typical boys, you know.

After surgery, they did seem to become more keenly aware of my physical changes and what was causing them. The knew I had surgery, I kept no secrets from them. But they began to really pay attention to what I ate, how I ate, if it made me feel good or bad, how the food affected me, etc. They started paying attention, which was strange (but good). Nearly two years post-op, they still pay attention. And I think it is impacting how they eat. More than anything, for instance when we eat out, they typically eat part of their meal and take the rest home (like Mom). Much later that day/night or over the next couple of days, they eat the leftovers (like Mom). Instead of chowing down and clearing their plate, they space it out. They know they no longer have to stuff themselves to feel satisfied. For this, I am grateful. I want my kids to create better eating habits so their weight doesn't get out of control as they get older.

Also, when I make them dinner, I tend not to cook as much or give them as much to eat. They are getting used to that and just eating what they are given. (Although every so often, they whine about it.

)

I hope this helps!

Zenomia · 01-19-2007, 09:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CiCi

After surgery, they did seem to become more keenly aware of my physical changes and what was causing them. The knew I had surgery, I kept no secrets from them. But they began to really pay attention to what I ate, how I ate, if it made me feel good or bad, how the food affected me, etc. They started paying attention, which was strange (but good). Nearly two years post-op, they still pay attention. And I think it is impacting how they eat. More than anything, for instance when we eat out, they typically eat part of their meal and take the rest home (like Mom). Much later that day/night or over the next couple of days, they eat the leftovers (like Mom). Instead of chowing down and clearing their plate, they space it out. They know they no longer have to stuff themselves to feel satisfied. For this, I am grateful. I want my kids to create better eating habits so their weight doesn't get out of control as they get older.

That is Very astute for sons! You should be proud of both of them!!

I never thought how my eating as effected my children, but now that I think about it, it has. They tend to be more critical of sweets and how much they should/shouldn't have. They pass off Soda and ask for juice or water. It's weird, but I didn't really notice this before this post. Huh?! Guess I will have to keep my eyes a little more open to things around me!

raquel · 01-19-2007, 11:22 AM

Zen how old are your kids?
I have three and have hoped that they would learn to make better food choices right along with me. My kids are a boy 6 (slim), girls 8 1/2 (108 lbs) and 10 (119 lbs). But they don't look fat just big. So they need the help, while they are younger the better.

Zenomia · 01-19-2007, 11:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raquel

Zen how old are your kids?
I have three and have hoped that they would learn to make better food choices right along with me. My kids are a boy 6 (slim), girls 8 1/2 (108 lbs) and 10 (119 lbs). But they don't look fat just big. So they need the help, while they are younger the better.

I also have three children. My eldest girl is 8 and very slim, the middle is 6 and normal size for her age, and the BOY just turned 4, and is tall and slender. They are all so different from what I was as a child. I was a chunky child, so they must take after their father. And believe me, it's weird watching my 4 year old ask for string cheese, cottage cheese, and yogurt for SNACKS...vs...what they could and have asked for in the past. Don't get me wrong. They still love eating fast food and they drink soda, just not like they did before. They are making these choices. They ask for apples instead of fries at Mc.D's. I never attempted to adjust their eating...only mine. I did cook lower calorie/no sugared foods....and they have no problems with it. You would be surprised how non-challant (sp?) the kids are...which is probably why I haven't really noticed. Heck, I just threw out about 4#'s of Halloween candy that they just didn't eat.

That NEVER WOULD HAVE HAPPENED BEFORE!

coptergirl · 01-19-2007, 11:52 AM

This just goes to show you that kids do notice their parents habits even when you guys (I don't have kids) don't think they're watching - they're always loooking to you guys to be the example.

The only real kid I have is DH - and he is still overweight and eats poorly - oh well...maybe I can teach the old dog new tricks some day

Gina in NY · 01-19-2007, 02:59 PM

My son has a serious weight problem to the point that I am VERY worried about him. My problem is that I think if I lived with him alone, we might get somewhere, but my husband is MO and eats TERRIBLY! Son sees this and follows along, yet agonizes over his weight all the time. My son is 11 and is almost as tall as me. He is trying to change little things, but it is a struggle and I can easily end up as the "bad guy" if I remind him of his own resolutions.

I've made a few changes - I measure out cereal portions into baggies (carbs are his weakness) and switched to a high protein pasta. All whole grain breads, losts of fruit and greens to eat sitting around the house, but I'm telling you - we're pushing the boulder up hill. And it isn't easy to get more activity going either.

A constant struggle here - let me tell you. If you and your wife are both on board, that will make it MUCH easier.

However - my 3 year old will grow up with at least one thin parent and I expect that will make her life very different. I already see that I don't push food on her like I did with my son. You know they do get grumpy w/o food, but I feel much more balanced about it. I don't worry when she doesn't eat like I did with my boy. Poor guy - I know we did it to him but now, can we undo it??

porshh951 · 01-19-2007, 03:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by coptergirl

This just goes to show you that kids do notice their parents habits even when you guys (I don't have kids) don't think they're watching - they're always loooking to you guys to be the example.

Yes it sure does. Kids really pay attention directly and indirectly to what you say/do/act like/ect. I think its great that you are setting a proper example for you're children and while they may not be MO if they need to loose 50lbs they need to loose 50lbs ya know?

I've become alot more health concerned now myself and im very picky about what im put into my body. My father who I learned alot of my bad habits from is now I think starting to take notice and realize he has a weight problem too and it needs to be addressed. After all he is 52 and im 24. He needs to be in shape to hang around here and be with my mom.

I think its difficult sometimes and talking about it alot of times just makes it worse. If you lead by example and "do" more than "say" it makes things go alot smoother. They will start to pay attention to it don't worry.

Congrats on taking the first steps in this long process. You picked the right place to come to thats for sure.

Tammi · 01-19-2007, 04:17 PM

Hi Mike,

Isn't it great to have a place to ask all of your questions! Folks here have been so informative and helpful to me as well.

Yours is such a good question and certainly a cause for reflection for all of us parents out here. I'm sure you will influence your kids by the healthy changes you will be making as well as by them watching your struggles.

As far as us with younger children, we too have a huge responsibility. My husband and I both have had a lifetime of weight struggles. When I was pregnant with my twins, we actually discussed ways to try not to "pass on" our issues to them. My boys are almost 9 now, and when they were younger, we made sure to introduce them to as many fruits and veggies as possible and they really only ever had water or milk to drink. They did not eat any sweets until their first birthday cake, and then not again until their second birthday cake. Now that they are older, they do have sweets, but in moderation - I try not to worry if they don't "clear their plates" and emphasize that they can stop when they are full. We keep them busy with fun sports and lots of outside activity. We talk a lot about healthy choices and even at this age, we talk openly with them about our own weight struggles and how we want them to be as healthy as possible.

We are far from perfect - we eat out way too much for one thing, but at least we are making a conscious effort to give them a chance at a healthy, active, normal-weight life. For the record, they are both fit, trim and active with no sign of weight issues (thank God)

Thanks for all your questions - they help all of us!!