Some questions for everyone... - ThinnerTimes

eyesthatkissu · 01-16-2007, 06:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eyesthatkissu

My questions to you and really think about this... Are you worth it? Do you deserve to finally battle and conquer your demons? Do you deserve to live or are you meant to be on the sidlines watching your life? Do you feel you can be proactive instead of reactive to the life of morbid obesity you have given yourself? Of course the initial response would be "of course" But part of what makes our disorder and addiction like so many others is the self sabatoging thoughts that we aren't worth it. When our identity IS being the "fat, lazy" one are we really ready to give that up?

I posted this on a different thread and Zen brought it to my attention that we should all be answering these questions... so let's start an open and honest dialoge.... I'll start.

For me, I can honestly say that when I made my decision to have surgery I did not do it for me. I did not do it for my husband. I did it because my youngest got in a fist fight at school because his classmate called me fat and made a face. He was in kindergarten. Later on, it became about me. But in the begining it was about my children. I've always been better at standing up for the people I love, then standing up for myself. I've always put myself on the back burner because everyone else was more important then me. I still find myself doing that in certain relationships. It's dangerous. I've never felt that I deserved better then what ever was handed to me. If I was treated unjustly or unfairly it's because I deserved it. I was resolute in whatever pain or hardship was "meant" for me. Of course now things are different. But before, that was my life. I always REACTED to life. Never made any steps to change anything. If my job was bad, it's because I was screwing up. I just never ever felt I deserved anything better then I got. Isn't that sad? Now of course I KNOW I deserve better. I refuse to let anyone treat me badly. And it's not so much about surgery so much as what having surgery does to your internal thought processes. It, just like food, is a constant battle for me. Especially the unhealthy friendship stuff. But the bottom line is, I know I'm fabulous, and a fabulous friend to those that deserve it. I'm also so glad that my indentity is not the "fat and lazy" one anymore. Some people around me aren't very happy about it, but ah... such is life!

Okay... who's next?

saraczek · 01-16-2007, 06:35 AM

Tough questions...but in being honest about them with ourselves, we are healing ourselves.

We've all had the surgery for different reasons. I had mine for several reasons. I wanted to be an active participant in the lives of my children. I had kids when I was fairly young (21) so I could do things with them. We'll at 34, I was startig to "slow" down and not keping up with them to well, which defeated having children when I was younger. My second reason was due to my husbands growing concern over my health. He too noticed things were slowing down with me, I was not myself. My last reason for surgery was me. I realized I had started losing myself by not ever putting myself first. As it has been said before, everyone else's needs were being put before my own, it must be a mother thing...lol

I felt I couldn't be the person I needed to be, or a good mom, or for that matter a good wife, if I didn't take control of myself and my health. I was worth it! I knew itwould be a hard fought battle, but it is one I was willing to make sacrifices for. I sometimes feel I waged my safety net I had (pre-op) for the unknown blessings I could achieve post-op. So far I feel I am ahead. I'm losing weight, feeling better about myself emotionally, and have more energy. It has been by all means ALOT rougher of a journey than I ever imagined. Even after all the countless hours of research I did, I never would have expected the battle I have. It is amazing all the "demons" we have that we never knew about till now. Am I worth fighting for? You bet I am.

ready4achange · 01-16-2007, 07:01 AM

The main reason was for ME ! I have always been heavy and getting heavier was not helping me get around. Next was for my children. I wanted to be around for them. Even though they are grown ( except for youngest) There are always grandchildren...

I guess my kids have been lucky or they haven't said anything to me about them being teased because of their "fat" mom. I can't forget what my younger sister said when we were at my mom's house after she passed. She said she was embarassed because her mom was older than other moms and that she thought she was "big"...To this day I hope she gets reminded about her words. When I had my youngest I was almost 40 and hope that my daughter doesn't think that way. At least I will be able to keep up with her now. ( I can fit in her pj's anyway...lol...

)
Sandy

JenBear7 · 01-16-2007, 07:49 AM

Simple... My doctor said.. "Dialysis for life, or lose weight". That was the moment I decided to do it. I could list a gazillion reasons, but that is the one that woke me up.

The other thing that I found out was that it was quite probably the reason I couldnt conceive. So, they figure once I lose the weight, I will be able to have a child... (Still looking for the man I want to have my kids every other weekend... *giggles* J/K!!!). But, I remember when I realized I wasnt going to have children how devestated I was. Over the course of the next 10 years, I kind of resigned myself to the fact that I wasnt going to.. but when tested, the only thing they can see holding me back is my weight. The thought of having a child is a big motivator too...

Don't get me wrong, there is a part of me that is dying to see what I look like once I have lost half my weight and embarked on a totally new life. (I'll probably strut LOL) But that is secondary to my health. I want to be Half of Me... wow... what a revelation! How do we walk around carrying that much weight? I quit smoking in November... (thank you Chantix!!) .. quit taking the meds for smoking a couple weeks ago. I can't think of myself as being a smoker anymore... I feel SO much better... I cant hear myself breathe at night anymore (and believe it or not, I think that keeps waking me up.. lol)...But, seeing how much better I feel makes me wonder, just how much better I am going to feel when I am thinner.

So those are my two big motivators... My kidney's and the chance at motherhood....

desmccoy · 01-16-2007, 08:38 AM

Why Surgery...... Lets see I have been told three times now that I am ticking time bomb waiting to go off at any moment. I have alot of health problems that are contributed to my weight. Am I worth the fight I would say that at 27 with two children that it is worth it to get healthy. It is worth battling the demons to remain here to see my Girls grow up. I don't give up easily on anything. So I guess the main is reason is for my girls. I love them they are my life.

gottaloseit · 01-16-2007, 08:52 AM

This surgery was first and foremost so that I can live a healthy life and be able to do things with my kids and be alive to see their children. I was at the store with my daughter one day and a boy-friend of hers and his mother were walking in front of us and my daughter commented how pretty his mom was. Of course, she was thin but she had regular clothes on and her hair in a pony tail. Then someone at school asked my daughter if her Mom was fat? Why she would ask that is beyond me but my daughter told me. I didn't want to be the butt of the kids' jokes and I want my children to be proud of me. I felt that I was not creating a healthy role model for my kids. Also, my DH kept telling me that I was unhealthy and that he was worried about me. All that was enough to make the decision for surgery. I hear people talking crap about me know and how I did something drastic because I have a weak mind and no willpower. Well, this whole process takes both so that person can bite me. lol

Dyann · 01-16-2007, 09:41 AM

Did I feel I was worth it, yes, but for the reasons of I was needed to provide love and nurturing to others, personally and professionally. I needed to be needed as why would anyone want me around otherwise when I was so fat??? I will be 100% honest here. I now think I am sooo worthy to the point I am concerned that I am becoming a little self centered. Maybe that is just the sharp contrast to how insecure I was pre op and I am actually OK. Or I am making up for 14 years of vanity I didn't have. I don't know.

You spoke about your children and how they got into a fight. My 4 year old said the funniest thing. He is a very sweet boy and doesn't know from fat or thin yet. He said, "mommy, you are not as soft to sit on anymore".

Everyone has worth. We just need to realize it ourselves and not wait for others to bestow it on us.

eyesthatkissu · 01-16-2007, 10:06 AM

I started to worry about being over confident as well. But then I realized I'm not. I'm just finally comfortable in my own skin (saggy though it may be ). The key for me now is to surround myself with people who are also comfortable in their own skin. It's so important that we learn how to validate ourselves. When I accomplish something I praise myself. It's nice to hear praise from others naturally. But it's more important to hear it from myself. As I keep saying... food used to be my best friend, NOW I AM!

LyndasRoom · 01-16-2007, 10:25 AM

Okay, the final decision was for me, me me! When my therapist, after years of seeing me try plan after plan...with no long term success, brought up the question of surgical intervention...I had a hard time with it. He had to convince me I was worth it. Of course, the hurting feet, sore knees and hips, high blood pressure, descent into diabetes pushed me along the way. I am worth a healthy life! I don't hurt anymore...unless I overdo because I feel so goooooood! I'm off my blood pressure meds...and diabetes isn't a concern anymore at all! Now, what benefits me, also benefits my family as well. My hubby is so proud to watch me shrink...our relationship has blossomed once again as he had a chance to be my caretaker following surgery. My son has always loved me unconditionally, and I see him struggle a bit with his weight as well, I honestly wasn't a very good role model. We are learning and practicing healthy habits together, and he has lost 35 lbs since my surgery! So bottom line...I did it because I want a long (er) healthy life! Side effect: my family is healthier and happier...cause when momma's happy, everybody's happy!

eyesthatkissu · 01-16-2007, 10:28 AM

Let's talk about the why's of why for so long we felt unworthy... why did our health become unimportant... and why now is it suddenly worth it?