The late night awakenings.... - ThinnerTimes

Ms.P · 12-26-2004, 09:57 AM

I have been working on getting the surgery for approximately 7 months now. I received the approval letter for my referral to Callery in the mail on Christmas Eve. I notice now that I am rolling over at night awake and a myriad of thoughts come into my head. It is like my subconcious is asking, "You are really going through with this?" I am fine after a little while but I have noticed that this is occurring more and more often.

Maybe it is the fact that I haven't disclosed my intent to everyone. My mother is somewhat against the surgery so I haven't quite told her. I have been speaking to my sister regarding everything and I have requested that she not relay the information to my mother. But, this week, out of the blue I get a phone call from my mother insisting to know about my "news". Apparantly, she was speaking to my sister and my sister wanted to know if she heard my "news". My mother took it to mean I was pregnant and so out of the blue I get this phone call wanting to know what the "news" is. "No, mom I am not pregnant", I reassure her (I can't be I haven't menstrated in a year)

I really don't want to tell her. I suspect that my sister has already told her, but I don't want to be worried and harrassed to death in the last few months of my journey. I want to be honest with my parents but I have never been able to be.

I called my sister after that and jumped all over her. She wanted to know when I planned to tell mom and I told her I really wasn't sure. My sister had the surgery about 3 years ago and told my parents. They called her relentlessly and tried to beg her not to go through with the surgery. My sister said that as she was being driven to the hospital the night before her surgery she was certain that she was going there to die. That is what my mother (a former nurse) had drilled into her.

I don't want that stress. But, in the same moment I don't want to lie to my parents. I hate this deception, but my own subconcious is enough to deal with right now. My own fear is enough to handle much less getting phone calls at all hours of the night being begged not to go through with this.

Melanie

Blueyz · 12-26-2004, 10:18 AM

Melanie,
My mom was against the surgery, too and I told her that I know she disagrees, but this is something I had to do for myself. I found out later that she was just afraid I would die on the operating table. It was very hard for me mentally with my mom in the back of my mind, but everything worked out. She is so much different about it now and she is happy I have lost so much weight already. I had other negative family members, but they have all changed their opinion. I think lack of knowledge just plain scares people. DO what is best for you and just worry about yourself right now. This is something you are doing for you and now it is your turn to be a loser. Good luck.

melanie hirschorn · 12-26-2004, 11:19 AM

Melanie
my name is melanie, also. I had the surgery in april 2003. my parents were adamantely against it. it was because they thought i would die on the operating table. now almost 2 years later keeping my weight off and so healthy they think it's the best thing i did. it's what dale said. it's fear that something is going to happen to you, their child. you have to do what you want to do. for me it's the best thing i did. before surgery my doctor told me i had the health of a 65 year old and i was 46 at the time. i now am 48 and have the health of a 30 year old. good luck,
melanie

TabFox · 12-26-2004, 05:30 PM

I was going to have surgery about 2 yrs ago and everyone talked me out of it, mostly with the horror stories. My sister is a nurse and has seen and taken care of the "bad" cases. Then, I researched it for another year and told nobody. I told my husband 3 days before surgery, my kids a day or two before, and I told my Mom and sister 3 days after surgery. I hated to be secretive about it, but it was the only way I could do it for my own mental well being. I'm 7 months post-op today and I've lost 123 lbs so far. The arthritis in my knees no longer bothers me. My blood pressure is normal (not that it was ever high, though). I feel and look 15 years younger. Unfortunately, there are no easy answers. This is 100% your choice and you have to be 100% sure that this is what you want. It is a serious operation, and is permanent. You cannot "quit" when it gets hard. There are a lot of emotional issues we go through, such as mourning the loss of food. However, I would do it again tomorrow if I had to. Each day that goes by, I'm more certain that I made the right choice. The surgery that they do these days is different than what they did 10 years ago. The techniques have improved and the doctors have perfected it. They do these surgeries everyday. They would not put you through it if they were not absolutely certain that you'd be a good candidate for it. My advice would be to research all you can on this website and others like it. Talk to your doctor and nurses. Ask as many questions as you can. As far as telling others, I would probably be very selective and only tell those that you know would be supportive.

Good luck!

Tabitha
Open 5/26/04
321/199/???

Butterfly · 12-26-2004, 07:50 PM

Hi Melanie,
You've gotten some great advice from everyone. You are lucky to still have your parents around to worry about you and that's all it is. They love you so much and want to make sure that you are doing the right thing.

Of course you are doing what you feel is the right thing for you. If and when you decide to tell your mom about the surgery, you have to remember that although she raised you, you are now an adult and need to make decisions for yourself.

Take a positive route when talking to her. Let her know that you do have "wonderful news" to tell her. Start by explaining that you have done a tremendous amount of research, that you have witnessed success stories and have made the decision to have the gastric bypass surgery. Let her know that you respect her opinion and feelings about her thoughts on this, however, you have made up your mind. A mother will always want what's best for their children. Remind her that you will now be free of the ailments you currently suffer, not to mention lose weight. You know she doesn't want you to have health issues and this is a tool that will help you in getting healthier. I'm not sure if you have children or not or what kind of shape your mother is in, but let her know that this will allow you to be more active. Suggest that maybe the two of you or even the three of you, (you, your sister and your mom), can now take some dancing lessons or tennis lessons or something that involves the 3 of you that you can't do now because of the co-morbidities that you have because of being overweight.

Both my parents are gone, but I have a very over-protective sister that I love and respect so much. I was very nervous to tell her about me having the surgery too, but I did take the approach that I just told you. I even gave her the website address to thinnertimes.com so that she could read more about the surgery. I told her that we're made to take classes to learn about it and what to expect afterwards, etc. She was relieved to know that I had done my homework and that Dr. Callery's office is looking out for the welfare of their patients. I can honestly say that I know my Mom and Dad would have also been nervous and maybe a bit hestitant, but they had seen how I struggled and suffered with my weight my entire life. I know they would have been supportive if they were still here and I told them.

Remember that we're only human and it's only natural to be nervous when we are telling our parents something we don't think they'll approve of. Once you give them all of the information you have and knowing that your sister has been successful, they may have a different outlook on it.

Let us know how it goes and good luck!

bridgetgirl · 12-27-2004, 09:49 AM

Mel, your sis did it and everything is okay... she lived. Your parents have been through it already. So tell 'em, I dont see why they wouldnt support you since your sis already put them through the ringer of "what ifs" already. Good luck, keep us posted sugar pea!