What on earth is going on around here? - ThinnerTimes

eyesthatkissu · 01-13-2007, 01:55 PM

Okay... I need to vent a little an I'm sorry if this is offensive to anyone. One of the things I have learned is to vent, it helps with the mental health! I'm having a hard time understanding what has happened to this forum. When I first started coming here it was all about helping each other through surgery. The in's and out's of being post op and pre op. It was a place to come to have questions answered and deal with our eating disorders. The important questions never went unanswered. People ask me all the time why I'm not as active as I once was and this is precisely why. Now don't get me wrong. I enjoy the comradery that's offered here. I love the anecdotes and stories. I love seeing people progress. I also know that some of the questions are repetitive for us who are a year or more out, so we might not respond as ofen to questions we have already answered a million times before. But frankly it bothers me immensley when important posts go unanswered in leiu of trivial ones. For example, and this is just an example, but the "Person Below Me" post has 26 replies, where as the Hernia question only has 1. I can't respond to the hernia question as I've never had one or I would have answered it. I just feel like maybe we have gotten off track a little bit. As much as people need encouragment I also don't just want to be a cheerleader. I don't want to just cheer people on, especially when I see them making mistakes. That's just not helpful. Often times I don't answer a post because I want to keep it real. So real that I'm afraid I'd hurt someones feelings. I guess my point is, I wish we could all get back to the core of helping each other through this struggle. After all it is serious business. Again I'm sorry if I offended anyone, I don't mean too... I just want us all to succeed.

bridgetgirl · 01-13-2007, 03:18 PM

In the support group meeting on Weds Mi Mi made the comment that, She doesnt feel like its helpful anymore. Granted the newbies, and the preoppers are helped by the peeps that are 6 months out or less (usually) with the stuff that many of us find, well, redundant. protein, hairloss, scale issues.. weight is not coming off, etc....

Personally, I never relpy to peoples diaries and stories, because I feel thats THEIR story to shout to the universe. Much of the time the material on it seems as though it belongs on myspace or another blogging avenue as I dont know how much applies to WLS issues.

The bad side of that, is that people who do those blogs entries, who dont get "regulars" to TT making comments feel jaded. Feel like, those who dont comment must not like them. My perspective is, I respect your thoughts, I respect the sharing... its not my job to say "Way to go" or "Right on" or give advice when it hasnt been asked for. Thats why I feel like so many people here have a false sense of friendship around here. Friendly vs Friendship issues.

Back in the "old days" Feb 2004 when this board was brought to life, we use to generate Thought for the day, Joke of the day, 10 Things about me posts, to get people comfortable with the idea of opening up. I feel 50% of the time many people deviate from the "real WLS issues" and that is frustrating for me as well.

I relate to your post, and feel much of the same way you do. Many times peeps will have a medical question that I cant relate to, but I will try to post to them who can.. only because I have been around here for so long and heard so many stories.

You know who wont post to this thread? The people that stick around, who have nothing to contribute, unless its a story about them and their fake lives they live. The people that get drunk 5 nights a week, and dont talk about it. The people who are starving themselves on purpose and not talking about it, the people who are insecure and all they can do is talk about what OTHER people arent doing, because they cant come to grip with reality that they are out of control.

Some people wont post because they are too new, and arent familiar with what we are talking about, some wont post because they just dont have an opinion about it at all... but they mostly wont post because they dont know how to take this post, make it about them, and talk about themselves.

So many people, so many lives, so few people who really care about WLS and how it effects their lives and has changed them forever.

Maybe Im a bitch for saying this, if your offended by it... your probably one of those fools I wrote about earlier who I didnt expect to post in the first place.

But I can say, I care. I can say, I have made a difference. I can say that, and makes me feel great!

Gina in NY · 01-13-2007, 03:18 PM

This is a weekend - the board always slows down then. But I think many people feel like you do, that though they may worry about someone's question, they just know don't know enough to respond.

There was a poster a little while ago who really didn't seem ready for the surgery and I thought many folks were very up front about it and asked good, difficult questions. There were a lot of responses!

Sometimes it is timing, you know? And the population of the board is always in flux - what are you gonna do? I know I don't read the pre-op stuff too much any more, but sometimes I do and I'll respond if no one has said what I am thinking.

Just depends, I think.

Wildeblnde34 · 01-13-2007, 03:28 PM

Wow.... I'm probably not going to be very popular for saying this...But I thought this was a place to come to talk, be supported on many issues inculding weight loss, supporting the whole person. All their baggage including their "fake lives" as it was put. What one person needs from here might not be what another does and I don't think it's any one person's place to dictate what should be posted.

LisaM · 01-13-2007, 03:32 PM

My posting has slowed down, partially because of the new job, and partially because I can only come up with so many ways to say "way to go!" and "happy birthday," and "welcome to the forum."

I think there's a time for tough love, and a time for po' baby, and that it's easy to pick the wrong one--as witness a lot of people's reaction (including mine) to the person who tried tough love on Donna...that post alone probably unnerved a number of folks who might have tried a tough love comment for someone else's post.

My time has, of late, become so precious to me that I pick and choose topics to answer very carefully these days, and the shorter the better (not that this answer is... sorry!). But the point I'm trying to get to is this: I think telling a community that they must communicate in a certain way, whether you say it negatively or positively, is much like attempting to teach a pig to sing--it wastes your time and annoys the pig.

eyesthatkissu · 01-13-2007, 03:43 PM

I'm not saying that the other stuff should be left out, as I stated before I enjoy it just as much of us do. And I'm certainly no dictator. My point is... the REALLY relevant issues for this forum which is a Gastric Bypass forum seem to be getting put aside much more often now. It's so much easier to deal with the trivial stuff, often times it more fun to post too, but let's be real.... our focus on this particular forum should be in dealing with WLS, MO, and all the things that come with THAT. When I first came here this place was so amazingly helpful on dealing with all those issues. My fear now, is that people aren't going to recieve the same kind of help as I did because it's just not the focus anymore. Does that make sense at all?

bridgetgirl · 01-13-2007, 03:47 PM

Im just frustrated how much of this forum has deviated away from weightloss issues.

Lisa I couldnt agree more with your post, I dont really say welcome, or happy birthday anymore, not because I dont care.... but I guess my place is to try and help someone thriough their weightloss journey... then I come here after a couple of days, and I have to go through pages and pages of BS posting.... hell if I come back after a week or longer its agonizing to go through much of the BS posting that has nothing to do with dealing, emotions, issues, switch addiction, hardships, etc.I dunnno.

Well I guess if those posts were put in a different area... I dont think people look at the description of the catagories they choose to post their experiences. Most of it should go under social.. thats why we had it created. Instead of general.

Fake lives, yes many people lead them...... you would be shocked and amazed if you knew the truth about people. The bigger they smile can sometime be the blinding spot one wants to project, so you cant see their misery. I can say this because I have seen it many, many times. I can call it like I can call what size someone will wind up.... I have over 6000 posts and 3 years of active input to know better. I dont think Im better than others, but my insight and hindsight is good. I dont judge... I never do.

eyesthatkissu · 01-13-2007, 03:50 PM

OH B! That's a very good point! Putting our posts in the correct area would be so helpful! 6000 posts huh? You chatterbox!

bridgetgirl · 01-13-2007, 03:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eyesthatkissu

OH B! That's a very good point! Putting our posts in the correct area would be so helpful! 6000 posts huh? You chatterbox!

More like a wealth of information.

I know alot!

lealphachienne · 01-13-2007, 03:57 PM

I for one like the useless dribble on this board...I see it as a break from the craziness of life.....a mix of both is nice.....but then again, as you say...the real issues are buried. I no longer feel as comfortable letting it all hang out...my demons are mine to grapple with....talking helps...when it's done in person or on the phone. There's something to the verbal language that makes things real....the intonations, the timber of the voice relay soo much more.

Sometimes, I feel that we just go in circles and refuse to accept responsibilty for our own actions. We want to blame every one else but ourselves for our predictament. Many times...it's my perception as I read some posts that it's the "story" that we weave to justify what we do....that by constanly dwelling upon the demons...it gives those behaviors more power than warranted.

I find it more difficult to type the words that relay how I really feel nowadays...unless you have known me....it seems senseless or judgemental when you're a newbie. I may write it as a statmenet of my own perception...then everon else adds their own ideas to the mix...and it all gets lost in the squabble.

Each periodical group of patients form their core members for support...those within a few months of each other that continue to carry forward the struggle. I have no connection to what it was like at 3 monts post op...those that are currently in that phase will reach out to others in the same boat...what we long terms may have to say won't make sense to them because they haven't gotten to the point to accept or understand what is going on...it's the cycle of life......

You know what you know, you know what you don't know, and you don't know what you don't know. If you can understand that statement, then you can more easily relate to where I am coming from. Otherwise...it's the meaningless stuff that I tend to post to.