Negativity from my best friend - ThinnerTimes

Debz · 01-12-2007, 05:21 PM

Looking for a little advice on how to deal with my best friend. She's really REALLY negative about me having this surgery. We always seem to settle on the topic whenever we speak, and she has zero problem letting me know exactly how she feels. I've been direct and honest with her about my reasons for the decision I've made, but she seems unable to not harp on me. She told me yesterday that the surgery has been proven to shorten lives, and that I'm taking the easy way out.I love her like a sister and I don't want to lose her friendship. Even more important than that, I could really use her support. She's actually one of the reasons I've decided not to tell anyone else. Any suggestions?

sweetchristiangal · 01-12-2007, 05:55 PM

Tell her that topic is off limits. If she brings it up change the conversation of state "not going there"

Casinocat74 · 01-12-2007, 05:59 PM

WOW. I actually lost my best friend becuase of my decision. She was extremely negative. She was always telling me that I should just excersize and eat right. I personally think that she is just jealous, she is heavy too. And she is used to the spotlight being on her all the time. I just figure that if she can't support me in this, I really don't need her as a friend. It's unfortunet because I have known her for 12 years. She was ther for me when I had the LAP band surgery and was still negative about it. Now her famous line is "if the band didn't work for you, what makes you think this will?"
I just had enough and told her not to talk to me until she could be supportive and positive. I haven't heard from her in 4 months.
My advice to you is to do the same. Just talk to her and tell her that you don't need the negativity right now. See how that goes.

VanessaSFL · 01-12-2007, 06:02 PM

I don't have many friends...really about four and no one lives with in 12 hrs of me...but when I told the friends I do have...they said cool.That was that.

I am sorry that your friend can not be happy for you.That is sad.

This is your life and decision.

Best wishes~

V

Ohmomm · 01-12-2007, 06:04 PM

Does your friend have a weight problem or is she one of those lucky ones that don't struggle with losing weight?

My suggestion would be to ask her for the sake of your friendship, to check out this website. People who think that this surgery is the easy way out are uninformed. It is not a cure all, it is a tool. Too many people who don't understand that, end up gaining back the weight they lost right after surgery. As far as it shortening peoples lives, morbid obesity shortens lives.

The only person I have run across that does not approve of me having surgery is my 25 year old son. He thinks it's too risky. I think he may be concerned that I could die during surgery. Other than that, I have told many people and have gotten nothing but encouragement. They tell me stories of people they know who have had the surgery and how it has changed their life in such a positive, wonderful way.

I hope your friend does the research and even if she does not approve of the surgery, will support you anyway. That is what a true friend does.

Take care,

Sandie

Bypassingme619 · 01-12-2007, 06:35 PM

I know this may sound harsh but this is about YOU not HER. As long as you remember that you will get through this successfully. If she is a real friend no matter what her feelings are on the situation she will be there for you. As you walk through your journey on the losing side you may notice you may lose a couple of people along the way but you shall claim your life back. Life on the losing side isn't easy but it a lot healthier then living life MO. I hope you find the answer within your self.

Hunnyblonde · 01-12-2007, 11:36 PM

I am soooo sick of having people say, "Are you sure you want to do that?" when they find out I'm having wls. Are they crazy? Do they think that I just woke up one day last week and decided to have gastric bypass without doing any research? The decision to improve my health and quality of life by have major surgery was not easy and the journey we are taking is not easy by any means. Yet, there are still people that think with a few well chosen words or questions I will suddenly have an epiphany and decide against wls.

Here's my standard answer: "I've done my research and made my decision; and right now I'm not listening to anyone who doesn't want to support my decision 100%." So far this has worked well to shut people up.

Good luck dealing with your friend and hopefully she will respect you enough to respect your decision.

Bella · 01-13-2007, 03:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Debz

Looking for a little advice on how to deal with my best friend. She's really REALLY negative about me having this surgery. We always seem to settle on the topic whenever we speak, and she has zero problem letting me know exactly how she feels. I've been direct and honest with her about my reasons for the decision I've made, but she seems unable to not harp on me. She told me yesterday that the surgery has been proven to shorten lives, and that I'm taking the easy way out.I love her like a sister and I don't want to lose her friendship. Even more important than that, I could really use her support. She's actually one of the reasons I've decided not to tell anyone else. Any suggestions?

Sorry to hear you are going through this.

I've only told a few people - one of them was my best friend. I love her dearly though I already anticipated her reaction as ... she has a weight problem as well.

She's kindof semi-against it. She doesn't want to say she's against it -but she will mention things like it having a 'high mortality rate' etc.

From the beginning, I just refused to speak to her on the phone (she's in the States) and am only communicating with her via email. So she tries to unspeak herself when I tell her she's not being supportive. I use the email to limit her input as best I can until I'm well past the difficult times.

I think your best friend is frankly jealous of the fact that you will no longer be fat - but she will.

Just tell her your WLS is off limits (as the other girls have said). If she can't accept this - cut off communication with her entirely until she comes around.

Yes, I know this will be hard ... but your friends are the people that are in your corner in difficult times like this .. not working against you - creating more stress for you.

It'll pass.

sweetchristiangal · 01-13-2007, 07:16 AM

When she mentions the "high mortality rate" which is 1 person in 200, when I checked tell her about it. Then point out how many people die in automobile accidents yet she still drives right?

How many people also die from obesity related diseases; heart attacks, diabetes etc.

Knowing my facts and telling others about it made it clear Ihad done my research and they had not.

Dyann · 01-13-2007, 10:21 AM

You need to decide if she is someone you need to win over to your side or not. Fight ignorance with information. It will be a huge effort for you. Only you know if she is worth it. If not, you need to do what is right for you.