Negativity from my best friend - Page 2 - ThinnerTimes

bridgetgirl · 01-13-2007, 01:51 PM

Get a new best friend! Do something for yourself for a change! Its about time, dont you think!?

Gina in NY · 01-13-2007, 04:37 PM

Some members of my family were very worried about my dying, so I got my surgeon's statistics - asked him point blank - (actually, he volunteered most of the info, I only had to ask a few things) "How many have you lost on the table? How many within 6 weeks? How many complications? Which ones?" The numbers I got were WAY below the national average (like, 0 on the table, 0 in 6 weeks) so that put my family at ease. It was very unlikely that a young, healthy person such as me would be the first one he lost.

So get info on your surgeon, make sure your friend knows that you're headed into trouble from obesity anyway and see what her reaction is. If there is no making her understand, let it go. Tell her you need her support, even if she doesn't agree with your decision. If you've made the decision, she needs to be your friend and not try to change your mind. Make sure she knows this is not about her too.

In the end, just like a marriage, this surgery tests the limits of a relationship. If it is truly strong, it will survive. If it is based on superficial things or one person doing all the work, it won't last.

Be true to you, comminucate as much as you can, and know when it is time to walk away.

Good luck!!

bridgetgirl · 01-13-2007, 04:49 PM

Hijack!

Lisa I cant believe how much you look like Jenny, aka Alleusion, its a trip! Looking good.

SDphotogrl99 · 01-13-2007, 05:44 PM

I think I am losing my BF to me having WLS too. It is hard but what can you do. She is heavy but she has always been smaller than me. Now I am smaller then her and I feel us drifting apart. It is sad and I don't know what to do about it. I continue to be her friend but it is getting hard. All you can do is be true to yourself. I try not to talk about WLS with her we talk about everything but WLS now

kittens4 · 01-13-2007, 08:57 PM

My BF was worried about me having surgery, but she also understood my reasons and was/is supportive. Even when I was in the hospital 3 times in a month..she never said anything negative. I was the one saying "What have I done?" after the blockage, 2nd surgery, then pneumonia...but now that's all over and I'm feeling great! I hadn't seen my friend since before Christmas, and today we met at the movies. We saw the Pursuit of Happiness, which was very good by the way....anyway, she was so happy to see me, and told me how great I looked..and how "tiny" I was getting! It made me feel good! Now she's not heavy at all, never has been, so maybe that's the difference. She's 5'4" and weighs 125-130. She is also 19 years younger than me..maybe that helps too! She respects her elders! lol! I don't know why anyone who claims to be your BF and who should love you would be so mean to you. I'd say it's time to find a new friend. As for the easy way out, that is BS, and I hate it when I hear that. There is nothing easy about surgery, a blockage, and 2nd surgery, pneumonia, etc. I will say it's nice to feel full with so little food, and the weight loss is awesome! It is easy to pass up crap and eat right ..the tool works very well...but nothing comes without a price. I did have problems, but they are resolved now. I don't agree with her thinking this surgery shortens lives...for me, I was eating my way to heart attack/stroke! My cholesterol was 278! Now it's normal and I'm on no meds for it! My b/p was high, but I was never on meds, now it's just fine! I can exercise now, because I'm not so huge and so full! That can only prolong my life...not shorten it! Unless I fall off the treadmill or drown in water aerobics!

Well, I've rambled on long enough. Take care and I hope that your friendship can be saved, but it doesn't look too promising...

Kendebrat · 01-13-2007, 09:28 PM

If she's a true friend she will support you - Don't expect too much right now - concentrate on your health and welfare - keep contact but don't let her dampen your spirits. I was one of those neighsayers, but actions speak louder than words and you will eventually show her how healthy and happy your are and you never know, she may have a change in heart. It is and should be all about you. Unless she can walk a day in your shoes and see how you really feel about the whole subject then she has no say in how you handle your life. Good Luck

Debz · 01-15-2007, 04:20 PM

Thank you all so much for your replies. I plan on taking her to lunch this week and "lettin it all hang out". I hope to not lose her friendship, but I'm really feeling the need to be true to myself. Again, thanks.

eyesthatkissu · 01-15-2007, 04:27 PM

When I used to hear about how many post-ops lost friends or their relationships were in trouble it freaked me out. I told everyone that if me having surgery would make me lose my BF or have troubles in my marriage, I wouldn't go through with it. I was wrong. I did lose my BF, I did have trouble in my marriage, but I came through it. Whether or not it was due to my actual surgery is debatable. Although things changed, they changed for the better, and pre op me could not see it. My hope for you is that you come out of this with the best and healthiest of friendships be it the one you already have, or a new one.