WLS Affects more than just the patient - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

Christina · 10-19-2004, 12:58 PM

Last night as I was talking to my Sister in PA she stated that she had shown my niece the pictures I had just sent her in a package and showed them to her daughter, Kayla. She told me that Kayla (8 yrs old) had started bawling hysterically stating "That is not my Aunt Kina, it's someone else, why are you trying to trick me?!" She tried and tried to convince her but it wasn't the Aunt Kina she knew, this person looked much different. So I talked to her last night and tried to convince her that we were not trying to trick her and that I had lost over 100 lbs (the size of her brother) which put things into better perspective for her but she still didn't believe me. I promised that I would never try and trick her and all of a sudden I realized that my weight loss has affected more than just myself. It broke my heart to have this child in tears over not knowing if it was me or not. I told her that if she looked really well she could still see the freckle on my nose was the same. I am also looking for pictures of me from before when I had the same shaped face (high school era) and I will be sending them.. .as well as pictures of me on the way down so she can put two and two together.. at this point she is thinking that something really bad happened to me and that we are trying to hide something from her.. man I wish that I could convince this little girl but I don't know how. She is devistated.. and doesn't believe me. I wish I lived closer or could go visit them more often. She hasn't seen me in a year and a half. Her brother came out for the summer and saw me when I was about 60-80 lbs down I think and he tried to tell her that I did indeed look different but was alive and well .. but you know how siblings are.. she doesn't believe him at all.

Either way I guess we have to realize that we have to be sensitive to those around us and NEVER ever forget where we came from. As we lose weight we need to keep the "fat" jokes and comments to a minimum as others are struggling around us and may take offense to them. We can't go around flaunting our new thin selves in front of those who have weight issues and making them feel insecure about themselves and stuff.. we have to realize that this affects us in a big way, but there are those who it also affects and therefore we must do what we can to help them through it as well.

That's just my 2 cents..

watergirl · 10-19-2004, 01:22 PM

This surgery affects more than just you, it affects everyone you come into contact with.

For instance, my husband has lost 25 pounds since MY surgery. My son and daughter are both making better choices in what they eat, even at school. It just blows my mind.

Christina, thanks for sharing that heartwarming story with us. You're a living doll.

bridgetgirl · 10-19-2004, 01:23 PM

Christina, as you remember last summer Isaiah went to PA to visit his grandparents... and my sister and niece moved there the day before my surgery... well when I was at the airport, they didnt even recognize me... my niece was almost reluctant to touch me, (she's 10) I believe becuase I looked so different... when I waved and they finally realized it was me Isaiah ran up and gave me the biggest hug but quickly said, "Wow, I didnt know you were gonna come back smaller." Children have a diiferent way of processing information, they think differently..... its just like when they talk on the phone and they nod or show things through it... they just have a more simplistic thought process.... maybe you can send her a video, with your voice and laughter... I think that would be best for a small child... this is just my advice...... I think she would better "see" that it is still you if she can watch you move and hear your voice.

pambragg · 10-19-2004, 02:12 PM

Boy does it affect everyone around you. I am having issues at work (hey skinny, whistles, ets) and yesterday at our quarterly meeting my supervisor started talking about me and then had me come up in front of everyone (about 75 people) so they could see me. I felt like kicking his short little a$$. It's hard enough to adjust to the changes within yourself without having them commented on everytime you turn around. I have been very upfront with this whole thing since the very beginning and now I guess they feel like they have a vested interest in it. I have been at this job for 9 years and sometimes we are too much of a family. Thanks for letting me blow off steam, this has been bugging me since it happened.

Americanwoman397 · 10-19-2004, 02:44 PM

I'm sorry Pam you know I don't know what's up with work but they do that. I blow most of the guys around here off. I work in an office with I think 30 people and at least 20 are guys. I've noticed in the last couple of weeks maybe a month that they treat me different now. They come over and pick on me or flirt with me and I don't like it. I'm the same person I was before surgery just a little skinner. I don't get this but it just happened again one of the guys walked in the door and says "Hey good lookin" and he sure never did that 6 months ago.

brutherford · 10-19-2004, 02:46 PM

Busy schedules kept me from seeing my sister and her 3 kids for the last month and a half, and as we all know, 6-7 weeks makes a HUGE difference. So, two weeks ago, I went up to North County to visit with them, and as I'm walking up to my sister's apartment, I hear my 9-year-old niece scream, "Oh My Gosh!" She came running outside, jumped on me, and just stared. The rest of the afternoon, she kept introducing me to her friends as "My Beautiful Aunt Barbie." (Don't get any ideas - only my nieces and nephews can call me Barbie

) It was beautiful this and gorgeous that, and she wouldn't let go of me the whole time.

I didn't want to lessen her reaction as it was obviously a very big deal for her, but her mom, my sister, is currently over 100 lbs overweight, and every time my niece said "beautiful" I would inwardly cringe. This process has been so difficult for my sister - she's so happy for me but feels so trapped in her cycle of weight loss and gain. She's also going through a messy seperation and divorce right now, so it's just drama all around. She told me a few weeks ago that now that she's back to work and has medical insurance again, she's thinking of looking into the surgery. I'll support whatever she decides, but it's her decision.

My sister didn't say anything while my niece fawned over me, and I just kept telling my niece that I was the same person on the inside even if my outsides looked different. Later, we dropped the kids off for a visit with their father, and my sister and I went to dinner. While we were waiting for our food, she said to me, "You look really, really good." I couldn't help but cry - it meant a lot to me - but it also made me sad for her because I remember all too well how it feels.

Americanwoman397 · 10-19-2004, 03:08 PM

Well can we tell everyone you are our beautiful friend Barbara because you are. You look great. Keep up the good work.

onederlandbound · 10-22-2004, 12:09 PM

Hey,

I had the same thought. The other day, I was laying in the bed with my kids. My little one was jumping all over me (my stomach). I looked down and the thought came to my mind that one day, that big cushy pillow like form is no longer going to be there for her to jump and play on. That's going to be weird for her. Happy for me, but weird.

Also, just like Kim said, even with this two week pre-op diet, things have changed dramatically in my house. No one drinks soda and everyone is basically eating as healthy as I am. I'm glad I have an opportunity to start my children early and I hope and pray that they carry these wonderful habits with them for the rest of their life. I would never want them to suffer what I have gone through.

I understand the extra attention thing too. Last year, I lost 60lbs, 30lbs from pregnancy and another 30 in continuance with Weight Watchers. Now, I always thought I carried my weight well, but oh did I get a wake up call. People were like MARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU LOOK GOOD GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. It kept on and on everywhere I turned. While I did appreciate the comments and encouragement to keep going, I was thinking "dag, did I really look that bad before?" I guess in their eyes I did.

The sepration of the two worlds (fat and thin) is amazing sometimes. The discrimination is ridiculous and the persecution is sometimes unbearable. Christina, you are so right. We do have to be mindful around those who may not have the opportunity we had to make these changes. It's kind of sad because my sister, whom I didn't tell about the surgery for a long time asked me again about the surgery, and I finally told her that I was going to do it. Well, she said (I guess before she even thought) "I really have to get myself together now." I said to her, "what does that mean?" She said "well, we can't walk around looking like the number 10" and I said "oh, we can look like the number 10 as long as I'm the fat one right?" Mind you, she is about 6'1" and weighs 220lbs with a flat stomach. She is what society calls "thick" not fat. I know she has always had jealousy issues, and I think she thinks if nothing else, one thing she did have over me was weight, and now that I'm doing something about that she's back to square one.

I feel bad for her. I hope and pray that she comes to terms with her feelings about me and seeks the help of God for deliverance.

How did I get way down here????

Sorry for the rambling, but thanks anyway.