relationship question - ThinnerTimes

maria · 05-18-2006, 02:02 PM

I am still waiting for my appts with dietitian, pt and psych. I am constantly thinking about every aspect of the surgery and post-op life. Anyhow, the other night my husband said something about me "leaving after I slim down". Has anyone encountered relationships changing because of the change they underwent ? I am trying so hard to mentally prepare myself for this, but when he said that it just gave me a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach...(pardon the pun !)

sweetchristiangal · 05-18-2006, 02:44 PM

my opinion is...gbs can strengthen some relationships however, crappy relationships just get crappier.

In another post I compared gbs to the game of boggle. GBS "shakes" everything up. You may take on another role after gbs than you did before and because you change (become more confident, less of a push over, less self conscious etc) other people around you must change. How far from gbs are you and do you have the financial means for a little preventative marital therapy.....for the two of you to have the coping skills to handle gbs and keep a solid marriage are priceless.

lealphachienne · 05-18-2006, 04:33 PM

Ditto the above reply. I'm one of the ones that didn't make it...but I know of others whose marriages got stronger.

aesidwell · 05-18-2006, 06:48 PM

Ditto ditto; relationships can change dramatically. I was very worried about what would happen post-op, because he was VERY against the surgery in the beginning, and it took about 3 separate attempts over a year before I finally just said, "Come hell or high water, this is what I am going to do." LUCKILY (very, very luckily), that statement marked a swift change in his attitude, and he has been nothing but AWESOME with support ever since. Our relationship has gotten stronger, we have a lot more fun than we used to (mostly because I can move around so much easier!), and we've started developing hobbies together (gourmet health cooking!).

The earlier comment was just so bang on; the most difficult question to ask in the first place is, honestly, into which category does your relationship fall?

bridgetgirl · 05-18-2006, 08:31 PM

Hmmm when I hear "You'll leave me when you slim down" I feel insulted. Sooooo he's good enough for a fat chick, but not good enough for a slim one? Why would your attraction for him change as you lose weight? Sounds as though your man is insecure. If the romance foundation you have right now is shaky, in the future it will crumble.. regardless if you lose weight or not. If its strong, and he loves you and respects you (and vice versa) you will ive happily ever after. Let me ask, are you with your man because you are fat? if you were thin would you have picked a different man? see what his comment is upsetting?
reassure him that one thing sue to change will be your pant size. Unless he gets over his insecurities about your change for the better, your marital status will change also. Change is upsetting... its stressful. if you want it to work, you guys will need some couples therapy... the sooner the better. dont wait until he is resentful of your changes... best wishes.

gj3390 · 05-20-2006, 06:52 PM

From a guys perspective that has been with the same woman for 16years (married 11). I think us men can be very insecure about our relationships. I do agree with the others about relationships may make or break regardless of surgery( but it can throw a wrench or turbo boost). If the love is strong and the relationship is built on trust and communication, I think the surgery will strengthen the relationship. I have seen my wife lose weight and feel better about herself and I some times think she may find a better fish in the sea, but I know that is just my insecurity. I wonder if that will change after surgery. I think you should just talk to him!!! Hang in there…..

trickychick68 · 05-21-2006, 06:05 PM

I agree with Bridget on this one, for sure. His insecurities are pulling at him and there is nothing YOU can do about that but to be your same lovely self, and encourage him to talk to a therapist to get his feelings straight. Good luck and whatever happens, you will be fine.

maria · 05-22-2006, 08:02 AM

This forum is just the greatest. I feel like I have tons of really good friends. Thanks so much. It is so good to know you are all here as I go through this. I am waiting for the "envelope" with my nutrition, pt and psych appointements. I have a sleep study on June 17. I hope these appointements aren't to far away. I am sooo impatient !

lealphachienne · 05-22-2006, 08:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maria

I am sooo impatient !

Aren't we all

Vois · 05-27-2006, 05:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maria

I am still waiting for my appts with dietitian, pt and psych. I am constantly thinking about every aspect of the surgery and post-op life. Anyhow, the other night my husband said something about me "leaving after I slim down". Has anyone encountered relationships changing because of the change they underwent ? I am trying so hard to mentally prepare myself for this, but when he said that it just gave me a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach...(pardon the pun !)

I was told when I had my surgery that the divorce rate was extremely high for GBS patients...been there, done that. But the truth is, if the releationship is meant to be, you have nothing to worry about, however if the relationship was loosely based to begin with...well.