scared, unsure, lonely, sad... - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

JennaM · 10-13-2004, 11:37 AM

I'm just sitting here going trough the posts. I am so grateful for this forum and all of the wonderful people that are so honest and forthright with sharing themselves. I'm scared sillly right now, thinking about dropping out from having surgery ( I'm not even approved yet, I'm still in dictation) I've heard that this surgery can destroy marrages, mines falling apart now, even before surgery, I'm scared of what will happen if I do have it. I'm so tired of feeling the way I do, I feel like a failure because I feel like my marraige is failing. I don't even know how I feel right now. Of course I'm at that time of month too so that throws me even more out of whack. I'm sorry if this is a mess, I feel like a mess right now, I'm crying so much, avoiding my hubby, eating like its my last meal, I can't smoke. This has to get better, I feel like I am being totally selfish in wanting this surgery. He;s totally supportive of me having it. Although his insecurity has shown through a comment he made a while back, along the lines of I'm gonna get skinny and then leave him. I'm tired of the constant stress cloud hanging over us because he is so stressed about money, I have always been a stay at home mom. He wants me to work and help with money. But I am too scared to work. I'm to scared to even look, I barely like to leave the house anyways, I hate being so fat and wanting to hide from the world because I'm scared of what "they" think of me. I'm so insecure and don't have any selfconidence to go out and get a job, not to mention no education or work history. I just reread this, what a rambling mess I am. PMS is no joke with me lol. I'm really lucky my hubby puts up with me. Then there the part of me that I kkep inside and don;t talk about because I think I'm horrible and don't want others to know. Did I settle? because I thought i was to fat and unlovable to do any better? There I sais it, am I horrible? He's good to me, but. Oh I better stop, I'm gonna call the guy i did my pschyc eval with , I think I need someone to go see and talk to. But then again I feel guilty for wanting to do that because we don't have $ for copay. But he can afford to smoke a pack + a day. I'm not even allowed to buy a new bra. I'm still wearing nursing bras and our son is 2 and a half and hasnt nursed for over a year. Ok now that I sound like a raving lunatic and have probably scared you all away from me forever (that girl has problems) I think I'll wrap this up. I do feel a little better for letting it out. I don't havwe any people in my life. I'm not so good at sustaining relationships ( other than my relationship with food, LOL) You know I have that fear that if ya get to know me you won't like me. Heck how can people like me when I don't like myself all that much ( but I know in my heart I anm a good person) I tend to close myself off.. Ok enough, jenna. I'm just feeling scared unsure lon ely and sad. This will pass, I'm doing a great thing for me and my kids. I deserve to be happy, and healthy and my kids deserve a mom who is healthy and happy. Maybe I'll call my ins and see if they cover marital counseling. If you read this whole thing, I'm really not crazy

I've just been holding alot in and it had to comew out and I'm not to good at organizing my thoughts, so its a jumbled mess. Thanks for listening

watergirl · 10-13-2004, 11:59 AM

You've come to the right place. Please don't think we like you any less, it just endears us to you more for being open and honest. Everyone benefits from it. PMS is such a b**ch. I'm not going to tell you all the benefits of the surgery, you know them, you mentioned them in your closing.

You said your marriage is on the rocks already. It's going to go one way or the other, why not go into the decision process with a new sense of self confidence. This surgery does give you that. We can talk more privately about this subject. Let's just say that I'm in a simular situation.

I was just like you Jenna. I didn't want to leave the house, but I had a job and I had to keep going, it forced me out of the house. On weekends or after work, I avoided all contact with people and places. I was so stressed if I knew I had to attend something or go the grocery store.

I can totally understand your stress about having to go out to find a job for which you believe you have no skills. Being overweight can reduce your confidence level to nothing. You can be in control of that by taking on-line classes, it's obvious you have computer skills.

I think going to talk to a professional is a great idea. If you ever want some one to listen, I'm here for you.

I'm praying for clarity.

MaryClipper · 10-13-2004, 12:02 PM

It sounds like you are going through a really rough time right now. I also think that you need to find a counseler to help you with your marraige and your self-esteem problems. You are right that the surgery will not cure your problems. It will help with the weight issues, but the rest of the stuff you have to work through. Find out what your insurance will cover and get some help with all of this.
Mary

Christina · 10-13-2004, 12:41 PM

Jenna,

Don't ever feel you are alone, you will never be alone with us. We all care about each other too much to allow that to happen, and now you are part of us so we will be there for you as well. I can't help you with the marriage issues, as I am just recently engaged and never been married. However, I did live with someone for 7 years a long time ago and I can tell you that my weight gain dramatically began during that time period. I had no self esteem, no friends, and barely talked to my family. He was a control freak. I won't get into details about that on here, but if you ever want to talk, my ears are perked up and ready for ya.. either way once I severed that relationship I still had a lot of emotional issues to deal with, such as the ones I am dealing with after severing my relationship with food.

It is not unusual for you to be on an emotional rollercoaster right now, I think the majority of us did while we were in dictation. You have so many emotions pouring through you.. excitement at the thought of having surgery, fear of the unknown, fear of pain after surgery, doubts about if THIS really was your LAST option, etc. You are a plethera of emotions and that is totally NORMAL!!!

I really hope that you can get some counseling though, because the feelings you are feeling won't go away on their own. If your marriage is already on the rocks, then it won't fall apart BECAUSE of the surgery but could fall apart afterwards. However, with your new self confidence and self pride, you never know it could just get that much better.. stranger things have happened. I hope that whatever road you take though leads you to much success and happiness..

As far as not wanting to get out of the house, most of us can relate to that. I know that I worked at night and EVERY weekend night for several years in an office by myself where I rarely seen anyone else because of my fear of being out in public and being seen. I was ashamed of myself and disgusted with myself. I never went anywhere with friends, especially out to eat. I would have no problem going through a drive thru though to get some real healthy hamburgers, fries, and shakes!! LOL

I just don't want you to feel you are ever alone.. if you ever want to just get out and go for a walk or something.. let me know.. PM me I will send ya my phone number.. if I haven't already.. I'm never more then a phone call away and I know a lot of others feel the same.. so take us up on it girlfriend.. and feel better soon..

pambragg · 10-13-2004, 12:43 PM

Jenna,
I am so sorry that you are going thru a rough spot right now. I think finding a counselor in an excellent idea. You need a sounding board and someone to help you put everything in perspective. I wish you the best and you know that we are all here for you. Big hugs.

JennaM · 10-13-2004, 04:31 PM

Thanks KIm, Mary, Christina and Pam. I called my ins and found out that we do have coverage for marraige counseling and made an appt for today!!! I called hubby and he's all for is so we will go at 5pm. I think this is a good thing and hopefully will help us alot. Thanks for your encouragement. You helped give the the courage and strength to do something. I don't feel so alone anymore.

bridgetgirl · 10-13-2004, 04:40 PM

We all get a little crazy sometimes... your in good hands honey. We are here for you in every possible way.

Take a breath and let your last concern be what we think of you, we are just like you... many of us just dont have the courage to speak up. I bet ya felt a little bit better to say the least.. good luck with the counseling, the fact that yur hubby is all for it is VERY cool. And bras? I got your back 44C right.. Im all over it...

JennaM · 10-13-2004, 05:04 PM

Thanks Bridget, yeah, its cool hubby is for it, I have to remember that I'm lucky and that he's a good guy. Oh and I'm a 44D.

Blueyz · 10-13-2004, 07:44 PM

Jenna,
I am so happy that you are going to marriage counseling. If you can work things out before your surgery, things will be much better and smoother for you. Any time you feel down, come to the forum. We are all here for you and this is a group of wonderful caring people. Hope you are feeling better.

stakeda · 10-13-2004, 08:17 PM

Jenna....

I want you to realize that my friends here on the forum aren't lying....going to counseling and/or talking to us will really help you and is absolutely necessary. I am only 3 months post op and am now really feeling so overwhelmed with crazy thoughts, emotions, etc. I sware I had a break down today. I just started freaking out and crying because I feel like I haven't lost enough weight yet.

Bridget & Kim had to put me in check. I sware, without all of my friends here, I think I'd be in a looney bin for sure.

We're here for you. Please don't stop talking.