Just freaking out and needed to vent of whether to do the surgery - ThinnerTimes

mindycure · 05-01-2006, 07:44 AM

Hi everyone.. I am in the early stages of my journey with gastric bypass. I am still not 100% sure I want to do it. I come to a moment when I am sure I want to do it, then I think what if I die or something and leave my child.. See my ex committed suicide a couple of years ago, leaving our son without a father, my son was 4 at the time. So needless to say we have been in and out of therapy. Well I have met someone new and have since remarried, he is a great guy and loves my son to death. But "what if " I keep saying in my head that something should happen to me and he loses another parent. I know if I didn't have a child I would do this in a heartbeat. I am just such a paranoid person and don't know what to do. As far as the risks are concerned. I am not overly overly obese, I am 130 pounds over my ideal weight, I think at my first consulation at the doctor's office I weighed in at 257. So while I feel disgusting weighing this much, I just don't know if I am making the right decision. Now I know no one can make my mind up for me, but I just needed to get this off my chest and wondered if anyone else struggled with the stress of "should I or shouldn't I" and how you came to your decision. Thanks for listening.

coptergirl · 05-01-2006, 07:53 AM

Mindy - While I cannot claim to know what you are feeling since I have never gone through that, my heart still goes out to you in your struggle. I weighted 267 when I started the doc visits, and I got as high as 272...then the day of surgery I weighed 243. It is a personal decision that each person must make on his/her own, and you will be in my prayers.

mindycure · 05-01-2006, 07:54 AM

Thanks, I am just worried about my son.. Where I want to do this so so badly for myself, I keep thinking that am I being selfish, what if something bad happens and I leave him.. I just am so torn...

coptergirl · 05-01-2006, 07:57 AM

On the flip side, being Mo is a disease that has surpassed smoking as being the #1 killer in the US. Interview your doctor and make sure you are comfortable with him/her...the death rate is actually pretty low for gastric bypass. Good luck, sweetie. Don't make a hasty decision - this just simply may not be the right time for you, but only you know...

Mavisavis · 05-01-2006, 08:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mindycure

Hi everyone.. I am in the early stages of my journey with gastric bypass. I am still not 100% sure I want to do it. I come to a moment when I am sure I want to do it, then I think what if I die or something and leave my child.. See my ex committed suicide a couple of years ago, leaving our son without a father, my son was 4 at the time. So needless to say we have been in and out of therapy. Well I have met someone new and have since remarried, he is a great guy and loves my son to death. But "what if " I keep saying in my head that something should happen to me and he loses another parent. I know if I didn't have a child I would do this in a heartbeat. I am just such a paranoid person and don't know what to do. As far as the risks are concerned. I am not overly overly obese, I am 130 pounds over my ideal weight, I think at my first consulation at the doctor's office I weighed in at 257. So while I feel disgusting weighing this much, I just don't know if I am making the right decision. Now I know no one can make my mind up for me, but I just needed to get this off my chest and wondered if anyone else struggled with the stress of "should I or shouldn't I" and how you came to your decision. Thanks for listening.

Wow, I am so sorry that happened to you and your son. My first thought was to wonder how old your son is.......have you asked him about the surgery and his thoughts? I know for me, I was not happy or healthy at my weight.....about 100 extra pounds. I would suggest you go to a counselor to talk about how the 2 issues become intertwined and see if you can come to a better peace about the surgery. Maybe they could even involve your son if they felt it was appropriate. If you decide against it, then we still welcome you here to talk about your struggles......healthy foods, exercise, snacking tips, etc. It's right for you not to take the decision lightly and I hope you can come to some clarity. Welcome to the board.

gj3390 · 05-01-2006, 08:08 AM

Defiantly take the advice from the senior members they know what they are talking about. Since we are the same age, and we both have kids, I understand how you feel. Do you feel safe with the doctors, and have support at home? Those were the two main factors for me. Plus, after reading other’s stories, I know there are ups and downs, but for me the trade off is worth the risk because I want see my girls aged 4 and 10 grow up and not have a dad that is handcuffed to a chair because I am too fat to do anything with them or die from a heart attack…This I a very tough decision. This is truly a personal decision!!!! Hang in there and good luck.

mindycure · 05-01-2006, 08:53 AM

thanks so much guys! My son just turned 6 in February. I also know how kids get when they get a bit older with fat people. My mom was a teacher at my school in elementary school and she was about 300 pounds or so back then and they would laugh and make fun of her. It broke my heart, but kids are like that , and I want to be active in his life and at his school and I don't want him to have to deal with that also.. Oh and my mother also passed away 2 years ago, two months before my son's father died, so it has been a rough few years! Thanks again for the replies...

Mavisavis · 05-01-2006, 09:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gj3390

Defiantly take the advice from the senior members they know what they are talking about. Since we are the same age, and we both have kids, I understand how you feel. Do you feel safe with the doctors, and have support at home? Those were the two main factors for me. Plus, after reading other’s stories, I know there are ups and downs, but for me the trade off is worth the risk because I want see my girls aged 4 and 10 grow up and not have a dad that is handcuffed to a chair because I am too fat to do anything with them or die from a heart attack…This I a very tough decision. This is truly a personal decision!!!! Hang in there and good luck.

Heya George......I just want to point out that a senior member just means we posted a WHOLE lot.

We may or may not be more knowledgeable. It does usually mean we've been around here awhile, and probably do have vast experience and/or information. But some who just joined are long time post-oppers, and some who have posted a lot have not had surgery yet. Always listen to everyone, read, research, ask your doc, then do what makes sense for you. By the way, you are doing awesome.

Bypassingme619 · 05-01-2006, 09:06 AM

Mindy honeslty if you have strong doubts about taking the big step to the losing side I would recommend trying something else. Even though you say you want to do this you just don't seem so sure. It is one thing to be scared and nervous but to be so doubtful is another. How does your child and your husband feel about the situation? Take as much time as you need to come to some sort of peace with your decision, don't go through something that is so serious that you have such serious doubts about. My prayers are with you.

Mavisavis · 05-01-2006, 10:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bypassingme619

Mindy honeslty if you have strong doubts about taking the big step to the losing side I would recommend trying something else. Even though you say you want to do this you just don't seem so sure. It is one thing to be scared and nervous but to be so doubtful is another. How does your child and your husband feel about the situation? Take as much time as you need to come to some sort of peace with your decision, don't go through something that is so serious that you have such serious doubts about. My prayers are with you.

That is true.....if you decide to wait you can change your mind in 6 months. If you do it now and change your mind.....you're stuck. There is a procedure called lap band that some have had. It is less intrusive, less risky, and can be removed. It might be an answer for you. My insurance let me choose between them. I'm sorry also to hear about your Mom. This is a lot of loss in a short period. Definitely give yourself time and gentleness.