I cried...... - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

mydarling · 11-03-2005, 12:03 PM

Today I had an appointment with a nutritionist. It is a perk through my employer. I had met with her 5 months ago, just one time, and I felt like we didn't get much accomplished in 1 hour. I went in today with the mindset that I wanted some help planning meals. I thought that I would give diet one more try before proceeding with bypass or banding (I am still up in the air on this). Plus I figured if I work with her, that should count towards approval, I would say.

Anyway, she starts making this chart starting at my age 18. What did I weigh? She marks it on the chart. Then we go to each age where I knew exactly how much I weighed. I gotta tell you, my chart looked like a really bad EKG!! It went up and down more than I can tell you. Wow! A smack in the face!

So then she asks me what motivates me to lose weight. I thought for a moment, afraid that I have no motivators. Then it hit me, the one thing that I want to do is take my kids to an amusement park and ride a roller coaster with them. As I start to tell her this, I start to cry. I had an awful time composing myself to finish what I wanted to tell her. She was very understanding and waited for me to be able to talk again. Lately, I've found that my weight is causing more issues. I fear that I'm headed towards depression. I sob easily especially when the discussion turns towards me and my weight. The other night laying in bed I got to thinking about it and I started crying. Even now as I write this tears are swelled up in my eyes.

The nutritionist is going to meet with me next week again to go further. She told me that she wanted to bring this all out today because she could tell I am very frustrated. Of course suggests more exercise.

Sorry this is so long.....I wondered if anyone else felt this way before deciding on surgery. It makes me think I need to see a shrink for the issues that I hold inside.

Thanks for listening.

Icing · 11-03-2005, 12:07 PM

Sounds like to me being up and down in you weight over the yrs that you would want to have something done that can prevent this...I know I do...I'm tired of struggling and doing this diet and that one....I need to treat myself knowing in the long run I would be so much better and less depress that there is something out there that can simply bring us up in spirit.....I long to wait for this to happened to me that I know I'm ready and looking forward to it....Hope you the best ,hon ......hang in there...

bridgetgirl · 11-03-2005, 12:08 PM

Getting a shrink is a wonderful idea! i strongly encourage it. I went to one post operatively and wished I had begun seeing one prior to surgery. I was an emotional wreck learning how to "deal" without food. Learning how to "deal" with not being invisible anymore. Learning how to deal with compliments... I learned alot through therapy.

Dara · 11-03-2005, 12:13 PM

Darling:

Through my many years of therapy, I've learned that when a subject evokes an immediate emotional response, there is usually an underlying issue. If you're crying every time you broach the subject of your weight, it would probably benefit you to see someone to talk about it. God knows I've cried my tears over my weight (and other issues). As MO adults, we've usually been torn, beaten up, used, misused and abused by the world. Think of it this way--it can't hurt, right? But it COULD do a world of good.

Good luck, Darling. All of us here know exactly what you're going through.

Baron Patrick · 11-03-2005, 12:16 PM

Welcome to the "club!"

I can totally relate to what your going through. I've been on Prozac now for over 5 years to control my depression - which I'm sure is due to my weight loss efforts - screwed everything up! Last spring I did some "soul searching" -going through my life in my mind. I realized that everything I've tried has been a temporary weight loss, and I put it right back on, sometimes even more. You will hear this from everyone on the forum. When I realized that nothing worked for me long term, I fell apart and cried. My wife found me and ask what's wrong. I told her what I said here, and that I want to look into wls. She smiled and said she was hoping I would look into it.

Talk about a shock! I had no idea she would support me! I did my "homework" and found this forum. This is the best place to be. The people here are absolutely wonderful, and you will learn a lot.

Just remember, no matter how you feel - we are all here for you - your not alone!

Again, a very warm welcome!

peacefield · 11-03-2005, 01:16 PM

I too can DEFINITELY relate to what you are going through! This past summer I started crying very easily over issues concerning my weight and its effects on me. It forced me to seriously take a look at my life and was feeling a lot of emotions including regret, shame and hopelessness. I started seeing a therapist at the end of August and it has done me a world of good so far. I'm so thankful that my doc suggested it, and can tell it will help me immensely in my journey, both now and after the surgery.

Good luck, and know you can count on us for as much support as you need!

mydarling · 11-03-2005, 01:47 PM

Thank you all {{hugs}}! I'm glad that it's not just me. I felt embarrassed to have cried in front of a total stranger. What she said was that my ups and downs were only "quick fixes" that I never learned anything from. She's right. I think part of why I hold everything inside is because I don't have anyone to cry to.

If I try to express myself (regarding my weight) to my mother, she tells me to brush it off, it's not all that I'm making it out to be. If I try to tell my sister, she says she understands but that's it. My husband is just "there". If I sat down and ate an entire cake, he wouldn't say anything to me. If I quit eating all together, he wouldn't ask me why I wasn't eating. If I came home with a shaved head, he wouldn't say anything. He's just there to bring home his paycheck and help out a little here and there.

I think going to a therapist would be a good thing. Possibly it would help me to make my decision. I will have to check into it.

Thanks again for your thoughts. I never thought my weight would have this affect on me. I feel like I've taken the first step in soul searching today.

2cats&adog · 11-03-2005, 02:24 PM

I know exactly how you feel. I have been crying and depressed over my weight and everything I've gone through ever since I decided to have gastric bypass surgery. It's almost like my emotional baggage is as heavy as my physical weight lately!
I also go to a therapist, and it really helps. A therapist will help you sort through all your emotions, help you deal with the upcoming procedure, and can even tell you how to handle your conversations with others when you're telling them about having the surgery. I wish I could see mine more often than I do!!! But this forum really helps in between visits.

lealphachienne · 11-03-2005, 04:33 PM

Ditto, see a therapist. It will help too if you decide to go ahead with surgery. You need some unbiased guidance to wrap around the issues you hold inside. I had one pre-op and saw her through my whole post-op and plan on seeing her as long as I live here.

Bypassingme619 · 11-03-2005, 06:59 PM

Darling Big Hugs. It is very fustrating when you want so bad to change and have a life or the life back you once had. Your day will come. I know it might seem so far away but it might be a lot closer then what you think. I hope all works out the way you want. Smile there will be better days.