The life roller coaster (long) - ThinnerTimes

brutherford · 08-01-2004, 10:16 AM

Very little of this post has to do with WLS, but I'm going to put it on here anyway.

This past Thursday, my husband, Stretton, and I got a call that his cousin, Judith, has inoperable cancer and may only live a few more months. We went to San Diego Hospice to see her, and were shocked to see that she has deteriorated rapidly in only a few weeks. Although Judith and Stretton have been best friends, roommates, and partners in crime over the past 40 years, we hadn't seen her in the past few months. She has lost close to 100 lbs and is in a morphine-induced coma most of the time. Although she can hear every word said in and around her room, the morphine makes her response difficult. Through her fog, a huge smile lit up her face when she heard Stretton's voice, and she was able to talk to him for a few minutes.

This is another event in a long list of sad events in our family for the past two years. Stretton was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS) two years ago, and although we are grateful for the health that he has, his disabilities are progressing at a frightening pace. A few weeks after Stretton's diagnosis, a family friend was diagnosed with ALS, or Lou Gehrig's disease, which is a member of the MS family. Most ALS patients are given 2 years to live, and Ben was only with us for another 18 months. This past Christmas Eve, Judith's nephew Joey, a gorgeous, bright 18-year old who was in the running for a full scholarship to Berkeley, died in his sleep from a brain anyeurism. In January, my Aunt Polly, and best friend, was diagnosed with breast cancer. In July, she finished a hellish 6 months of chemotherapy, and will be starting 6 weeks of radiation in a few weeks. Now, Judith.

Apparently, Judith's rare form of cancer is in her gallbladder. They thought her pain was gallstones, and on May 7th, a little more than a week after my gallbladder was removed by Dr. Callery, they opened Judith up and found a cancer too rare and aggressive to be operable. So, they closed her back up and told her to consider experimental treatments. Although she was in pain, it was manageable, and she was still getting around to barbecues and family events on the 4th of July. She was exploring treatments throughout Southern California, and asked that Stretton not be told as she didn't want to burden him because he was in a bad MS relapse at the time. A few weeks ago, days before she was to go to Loma Linda for treatments, the pain became excruciating, and they started her on morphine. In this short amount of time, she has deteriorated past the point of being eligible for treatments, and has decided that she would rather stay in San Diego with her family and friends. There was standing-room only at her 52nd birthday party last week, held in her hospice room. Instead of a few months, we will all be lucky to have her with us for more than a few more weeks.

Since hearing the news on Thursday, I can't help but feel nauseous at the irony of the situation. Judith is the only member of my husband's family who is obese, and over the 11 years that I've known her, she and I have shared our struggles to lose weight. We would all go through periods of being busy and not see or talk to one another for up to 6 months at a time, but when we finally did, it was like a day hadn't passed. I never got to talk to Judy about my decision to have WLS surgery, although I'm sure she knew from other members of the family. I felt awful going into her room, 70 lbs thinner, missing a gallbladder, and until Thursday, happier than I had ever been in my life. All I had was gallstones, and yet I got my gallbladder taken out and hers is rapidly killing her because it was left in. I can't help but think that the years of yo-yo dieting have contributed to her illness, and it breaks my heart to think about what we have all done to our bodies to try and be thin and healthy.

I'm not religious, but I know that many of you are. I would sincerely appreciate your thoughts and prayers to our family. Judith's family are very devout Catholics, and I know that they would appreciate any and all prayers at this time.

Thank you all for letting me ramble here this morning... B

bridgetgirl · 08-01-2004, 11:16 AM

Oh Barbara, my heart goes out to you and Stretton. XOXOXO I miss seeing you so much and just hearing this makes me want to hug you so bad. Reading this post has brought me to tears, as you have endured so much and it hardly seems fair....... I love you Barbara and Stretton, my thoughts are with you..... thanks for sharing, you dont have to go through this alone, were here for you sugar pea! Breath in, breath out........ best wishes, hope to see you guys soon. Let me know if I can help in any way... much love.

Suzanne-photog4fun · 08-01-2004, 12:31 PM

My heart goes out to you and your loved ones during this rough time in your lives.

watergirl · 08-01-2004, 12:31 PM

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this time. We never understand why God takes those that we love long before we're ready to say good bye. My heart aches for you. If this teaches us nothing more than to appreciate every day you have and celebrate your health when you can. I hope you can find comfort with your family and extended family. God bless you.

Blueyz · 08-01-2004, 02:03 PM

Barbara,
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
God bless your family.

sandi · 08-01-2004, 06:35 PM

Dear Barbara,
There's not much that can be said at a time like this, the emotions are just screaming at every turn....
Please know that God doesn't make mistakes, for whatever reason He has allowed this horrible disease to attack Judith and take her life. Who knows what would have been down the road for her, or for other members of your family. When my first baby died in 1970, the minister officiating at his funeral said that my little Ricky would never have to feel cold or heat, he'd never have to go to war and his parents would never have the fear of wondering where he was when he didn't come home on time, all of those words meant nothing to me then, I just wanted my baby, little did we know that 4 years later, the same thing would happen and we'd lose another infant at birth, BUT, now after all these years, I know that those words from the preacher were so true, and I know that some day, I'll see those baby boys of mine as you will see Judith again, and know that her passing will be, although so sorrowful for those left behind, for her, it will be a joyous occasion for she'll be walking on streets of gold in her new heavenly home, never to feel pain again....
I'm sorry to go on like this, but, these words are coming from my heart and through the tears that we all shed for you and your husband and family, just know that you'll be in my constant thoughts and prayers and if there's anything that I can do, if you need a shoulder, I'm here.....
Love and tender hugs~
Sandi

barbana64 · 08-01-2004, 09:34 PM

Dear Barbara:
I, like the others in this group, offer my support and sympathy to you and your family at this sad time. It does not matter what we say, just that we care about you and your loved ones; and that we are active listeners. We cannot "fix" anything. Do know that there came a time in my life when I had to make a conscious decision to not just "survive" but to survive abundantly; to decide I had a source of strength I could call upon! The '80s were my darkest period with the death of my sister in '80; my 18 year old son in '81; my husband in '83 and my 29 year old son in '87. I try to support those I care about by being "there"; to cherish each moment we have in this journey where there are no promises of tomorrow. I am a spiritual person; I would not be here without the help of my God and my friends. I will keep you and our loved ones in my prayers.
Barb C.
Open RNY-7/14/04-Callery
239/217/134

brutherford · 08-01-2004, 09:35 PM

Thank you for your kind words and uplifting messages. I'm sorry to have burdened you all with this, but I knew that you could give me the support that I needed today. I know that everything, even the bad things, happen for a reason. The trials of the past few years have taught me to appreciate every moment that I have with my loved ones, to tell them often how much they mean to me. Even through all of this, I know that I am so incredibly lucky to have friends and family and love in my life. I am so very blessed.

Thank you all for compassion and support. Big hugs to all of you, B

Christina · 08-02-2004, 08:34 AM

I just read your posts... First of all.. I want to offer my sincerest sympathies and love to you and your family. Secondly, you are not or could not be a burden to any of us. Support is support no matter how you slice it. We are here for you in the good times, and the bad. This happens to be a bad time, so we are with you in an even more comforting way.

Life is so unpredictable so embrace it and embrace the support you will receive here. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

Love,

tracyarps · 08-02-2004, 12:10 PM

Hunny,
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I will send many, many prayers your way. If you need anything, please e-mail me. I am willing and able to help if you need it.