Depression-need some advice - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

bridgetgirl · 09-01-2005, 12:14 PM

Okay, I am not at all depressed but I do have 2 people in my life that are. Both know they are depessed, one takes meds and is s l o w l y progressing, the other is aware and admits it, but thinks they will just snap out of it and refuses to take meds even though it was suggested by a Dr.

So for anyone who has depression or is in the same predictiment, what I want to know is, how do I help support these folks? I want the one to get on meds but dont want to be pushy, the other on meds has talked about wanting to die, but I doesnt want to but is just "tired" of there their struggles. Any advice on how to encourage, how to be a good friend? Im not use to this kind of stuff, not have people admit it to me. I am very concerned for these folks. Any advice from you guys would be appreciated, thanks!

Love always~

Alleusion · 09-01-2005, 12:29 PM

I'm on Effexor, have been since May when I busted out in tears when my doctor asked casually if I'd been sleeping. One of the things that always ask when I go in is if I've been thinking about suicide. Suicidal thoughts are a SERIOUS side effect of any anti-depressant. Doesn't make sense does it...I mean you're so depressed that you're on meds, yet they make you think about killing yourself. If your friend has mentioned suicide, they need to talk to their doctor. As for the one not on meds, perhaps he/she would be willing to try another option. As in therapy. Sometimes, just being there for them when they need an ear is just as good.

katlover66 · 09-01-2005, 12:38 PM

Bridget,
Just be there for them. Lend an ear and help them that way. I beat depression without meds. Sometimes you just need somebody to listen to you.

bridgetgirl · 09-01-2005, 12:50 PM

Thaks for your gal's advice. I will ask the one on meds if she is still feeling that way, and as for the other I do what I can.. I try to make them laugh, hug them, talk to them, be there how ever and when ever I can.. sometimes its hard being as close to that person that hugging them hard enough, and long enough cant take it away...... the friend not on meds has been depressed for about 3 years thou.. I dont think that person will be able to beat it without the medication. I am just concerned, so far THANKS! You guys are really helping me to understand!

sUzYzPLaCe · 09-01-2005, 01:24 PM

Hey Bridget someone who is not on meds and they intuitively know they need them is like an alcoholic in denial. I would approach them with that angle. Ask them to at least try medication for 4 weeks and see how they feel. The problem you have is if they aren't willing to try meds.. it's kinda like running up hill without shoes. You have side effects and all the BS that people have to work out with meds, and that deters people from staying on them. You have sexual side effects too.. and so if it's some macho guy good luck. I have been in your shoes with people that I love close to me, and I have told them to their face.. "I'm really sorry you are depressed and having a hard time, however it's really difficult for me to support you when you are like this. Please come and see me when you are willing to take the inititive to take care of your wellbeing" Good luck with it.. Suzy

Quote:

Originally Posted by bridgetgirl

Okay, I am not at all depressed but I do have 2 people in my life that are. Both know they are depessed, one takes meds and is s l o w l y progressing, the other is aware and admits it, but thinks they will just snap out of it and refuses to take meds even though it was suggested by a Dr.

So for anyone who has depression or is in the same predictiment, what I want to know is, how do I help support these folks? I want the one to get on meds but dont want to be pushy, the other on meds has talked about wanting to die, but I doesnt want to but is just "tired" of there their struggles. Any advice on how to encourage, how to be a good friend? Im not use to this kind of stuff, not have people admit it to me. I am very concerned for these folks. Any advice from you guys would be appreciated, thanks!

Love always~

bridgetgirl · 09-01-2005, 04:03 PM

Thaks Suzy, I did that. I told the one not on meds to just give it a try.. what did they have to lose. That person told me that thy are considering it more seriously now. well see.... I sure hope they do it! It can be tough to be a cheerleader to those around you... there is only so much I can do n stuff, wish I had super human powers!

The power to heal!

bridgetgirl · 09-01-2005, 04:04 PM

Hey I dont know how this double posted.... weird! Two threads.. I swear it wasnt intentional!!!!!

sUzYzPLaCe · 09-01-2005, 11:07 PM

Hey Bridgetgirl... you have done all you can for this person. And you know it's hard being a cheerleader for others when they won't help themselves. Personally it's too draining for me and I don't do it. I steer clear of negative and depressed people not because I'm a jerk but because I suffer from depression and I have a hard enough time staying on top of it. So I surround myself with positive and upbeat peeps... those that want to join in can. Suzy

Quote:

Originally Posted by bridgetgirl

Thaks Suzy, I did that. I told the one not on meds to just give it a try.. what did they have to lose. That person told me that thy are c
onsidering it more seriously now. well see.... I sure hope they do it! It can be tough to be a cheerleader to those around you... there is only so much I can do n stuff, wish I had super human powers!

The power to heal!

lealphachienne · 09-02-2005, 07:09 AM

I was severely depressed growing up, with mulitple suicide attempts. When your in the middle of it, it seems so helpless. I knew I was depressed, I even told people I was. Even with addmission to the ER for suicide, they just sent me home after I signed a form saying I won't try to kill myself again. Little good that did me. Of course, that was a decade ago when depression wasn't aggressively treated or an acceptable problem to have.Now we know better.

Only by the grace of God did I survive it all. I recall many concerned friends who tried to help. I also pushed them all away and eventualy they left. Then I was mad that they were no longer around. When it comes down to it, that person still has to want to accept help. Until they do, all you can do is be a shoulder to cry on. But don't let them bring you down into their vortex. You still need to take care of yourself and not have guilt if you can't help them.

I have no blame for my friends who couldn't help me. I am grateful that they at least tried. A few seeds were sown, but didn't come to fruition until many years after their contribution. Medications can assist, but it doesn't cure the underlying issues. A person have to be trully honest with themselves to work through the issues and move on.

marisa · 09-07-2005, 11:48 AM

Bridget,

Hi Girl! I just saw this and wanted to add my 2 cents for whatever it may be worth. I have suffered with depression for most of my life and did not know that is what it was until it was properly diagnosed by my physician about 4 years ago. He put me on meds and it was like night and day for me. I could be happy again..I could see HOPE! For some people it may be situational depression in which some counseling could help, however, for those of us who have a TRUE chemical imbalance in the brain (diagnosed only by a physician), we NEED medication to correct the imbalance and counseling is always a good idea to help you work through your issues. The problem is that there are so many people (ie: Tom Cruise) out there discussing depression as if it is either not REAL or that it can be fixed with a hug and they try to talk people out of or make people feel guilty for needing medication. I say: ENCOURAGE the friend "in love" to seek professional help from a physician & counselor, but understand that no matter how much you care for her...you can only help her so much. She has got to want to help herself and seek help! As for the friend that says that she wants to commit suicide...evaluate how serious she is and act accordingly. If it just talk, than encourage her to seek help...if you think she may actually try to kill herself...GET HER HELP!

Just my opinion...however, my husband is bipolar, I have depression and PMDD and my 12 year old son has severe depression. I know what I am talking about. TRUST ME!

Love Ya Girl,

MArisa