Depression-need some advice - ThinnerTimes

bridgetgirl · 09-01-2005, 11:14 AM

Okay, I am not at all depressed but I don have 2 people in my life that are. Both know they are depessed, one takes meds and is s l o w l y progressing, the other is aware and admits it, but thinks they will just snap out of it and refuses to take meds even though it was suggested by a Dr.

So for anyone who has depression or is in the same predictiment, what I want to know is, how do I help support these folks? I want the one to get on meds but dont want to be pushy, the other on meds has talked about wanting to die, but I doesnt want to but is just "tired" of there their struggles. Any advice on how to encourage, how to be a good friend? Im not use to this kind of stuff, not have people admit it to me. I am very concerned for these folks. Any advice from you guys would be appreciated, thanks!

Love always~

HeatherT · 09-01-2005, 12:45 PM

i am sorry you are going through this with your friends...i wish i knew what would help...all i know is my good friend lost her husband in Iraq and she is SO depressed at times I am glad i am able to be there for her - and i mean literally - i just show up at her door step day after day to help her get through it - she also has 3 kids that do not need to see there mom hurting so much so i go and we talk the kids swim at her house and sometime we go out to dinner or lunch its tough for her and i know this so i go at anytime i can because she is so depressed she would never call and ask for me to come either but is greatful when i do arrive.....so my suggestion is go when you can to be there for your friend especially the one that wants to die...it is her or him calling out to you...they want you there...so go when you can...

that is what i think....as most people will never admit to being depressed they try to hide it as much as possilble and even will be in denial when questioned about it......

good luck bridget...

Americanwoman397 · 09-01-2005, 01:40 PM

Bridget

I'm very sorry you are going through this but I thank goodness they both have a good friend like you to help them. The first thing they need is friends to help them through this. You know I've went through that myself and my Dr thinks it maybe time to get me off of it.

To be honest Bridget there is no way to make this person go on the medication. I was so against it for so long but now that I've been on it I'm so happy and I'm a different person. Just talk to them about the problems and if they are talking about dieing you may need to step in and let them know if they are serious you will have to take action because that is a big thing for you to live with. I had a friend go through with what they talked about when I was 16 and I still feel a guilt for not stepping in and talking to someone about it. Depression is nothing to mess with it can really mess with the person. If they are willing to talk to someone I'd be happy to talk to them about going on meds or anything with depression.

newbetterme · 09-01-2005, 01:48 PM

You are in a tough position. I have suffered from depression since I was very young. I have been both those people you described. My depression wasnt spotted until about 10 years ago. Not to pick on General Practice doctors but their expertise is not of the mind. I to after a few years was frustrated and angry and just wanted it to be over as the meds were not having the effects I had hoped for. It wasnt until I saw a fill in for my doctor that he transfered my case to a psychiatrist. I met with him, although I sat there doubting it would do much good. He talked with me for a while and then made some med changes. Told me I was on the wrong meds and not a high enough dose. WOW about a week later it was amazing the difference in how I felt and how I saw things. If you friend on meds is not seeing a psychiatrist encourage it, especially with the feelings of wanting it to end it. A med change can make all the difference and therapy cant hurt either.

As for your other friend all you can do is be there and talk with them. You cant push but be encouraging and supportive. I also didnt want to take meds. Felt like "why do I have to take pills to be normal...like everyone else" It was a hard thing to come to terms with. Back into therapy I went. With all trials and tribulations I do look back now and see what great friends I had during that time. The made me angry when they would get after me but I know it was cause they cared.

Its been 10 years now and I am not depression free but I am med free an well managed. I still have my moments but then so does everyone else, I just dont give up control now. Therapy tought me alot about how I see thing and how to see them for what they really are instead of the gigantic mountains I thought they were.

Good luck, be strong, encourage and support.

bridgetgirl · 09-01-2005, 03:00 PM

Thanks again! Your input is aesome and really helping me. I emailed the one on meds and asked how they were felling, if things had changed. They changed the medication, and that person also stated that at tie they feel alone and when they are alone the bad thoughts come in, that their job isnt productive enough and all they think about is everything wrong, all that is bad... I just feel hopeless. This is nto someone that lives near that i can "save." lol I know I cant save anyone, its just not someone I can be with often.
Okay as for the other I will try to encourage. Thanks again for talking to me about it buddies, it helps alot. Keep the advice coming!

eyesthatkissu · 09-02-2005, 07:04 AM

It's hard to advize on this because we don't know yet weather the depression is clinical or standard. Heather's friend, (God Bless her), is going through standardized depression. She has a REASON to feel the way she does. And Heather is doing the exact the right thing by being center stage, and by letting her friend know she is loved. If it's clinical depression, the catch is usually they don't realize they have it. They just feel sad, and not really sure why. That's how the thoughts of suicide present themselves. It's kind of like when your tummy itches after your tummy tuck, and you just have to slap it because you don't know WHERE to scratch it. They become depressed about everything, and focus on anything they think might be an answer. All they know is they don't want to feel like THIS. It's hard to become self-aware and admit you need medication. We've heard it so many times here on the forum. How so many didn't want to, but felt so much better after. My best advice is to be ever vigilant, and if at all possible, find away to let them meet someone you know that is on medication. Almost like an intervention, without being so obvious. It makes it more real for people to see they aren't the only ones out there that feel this way, and that medication does help. It helps a great deal for them to know you are there for them. But being the completely wonderful girl that you are, and that everyone loves so much, don't get absorbed into their problems. You and I both have problems with empathy. With taking on the problems of the people we care for. Just don't get lost while trying to be so wonderfully helpful. Love you!

Gladitsme · 09-02-2005, 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bridgetgirl

Thanks again! Your input is aesome and really helping me. I emailed the one on meds and asked how they were felling, if things had changed. They changed the medication, and that person also stated that at tie they feel alone and when they are alone the bad thoughts come in, that their job isnt productive enough and all they think about is everything wrong, all that is bad... I just feel hopeless. This is nto someone that lives near that i can "save." lol I know I cant save anyone, its just not someone I can be with often.
Okay as for the other I will try to encourage. Thanks again for talking to me about it buddies, it helps alot. Keep the advice coming!

Bridget,
If this is a stapler buddy, I would remind them that depression is part of the process, and just like we take acid blockers to prevent ulcers, antidepressants can help thru the rough times. You can also ask if the person has a therapist, and if not, they can ask for one thru their insurance. Also, if the person is in SD County, they can call the SD Access & Crisis Line 24/7 at 1-800-479-3339. The line is staffed by therapists and they have lots of referrals that people can use.

As for you, my sugar pea, you are wonderful, and awesome and a terrific friend. You can't make them better, but you are doing the right things to help.

bridgetgirl · 09-02-2005, 01:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Loser2be

Bridget,
If this is a stapler buddy, I would remind them that depression is part of the process, and just like we take acid blockers to prevent ulcers, antidepressants can help thru the rough times. You can also ask if the person has a therapist, and if not, they can ask for one thru their insurance. Also, if the person is in SD County, they can call the SD Access & Crisis Line 24/7 at 1-800-479-3339. The line is staffed by therapists and they have lots of referrals that people can use.

As for you, my sugar pea, you are wonderful, and awesome and a terrific friend. You can't make them better, but you are doing the right things to help.

Thanks Nancy, no they arent staplers. One of them (on the meds) is under the care of a therapist, the other doesnt want to hurt themselves, just has feelings of hoplessness. I remind the one on meds to take life one day ata time, that person worries TOO much about the tomorrows, feel as though all would be right in their world if they had money.. I told them they would still have the same problems and then some. I think people get depressed over their finances. Why is that? For me, my thought is change it! Do what you can to get more, no pout about what you dont have. I guess Im just more driven than those folks. I care about them, and thats all I can keep on doing-caring!

Thanks for all the feedback pals!

LizardQueen · 09-03-2005, 06:08 AM

Bridget, first of all whoever these friends are they are lucky to have you for a friend. As far as the meds go, for years, they put me on this and that with out a lot of luck on anything until I went on an MAOI. There are lots of side effects with those so they aren't widely prescribed. Anyway, finally after never feeling much better, I got my thyroid condition diagnosed and I feel much better. Not every medication works for everybody. Sometimes it take a long time to find something that works well for you. My hubby's doc switched his meds a few years back and after three months had to put him right back on the same med along with something for panic attacks. He really went off the deep end for awhile. I almost left him because he was starting to scare me so bad. The med they put him on just made him unable to sleep or think straight. He was like a stranger! Sorry I'm rambling! Anyway, the point is, all you can do is try to be supportive and a wonderful friend. We all know you do that without trying it's just who you are. I hope things work out well for your friends!