My Daughter... - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

Kimberley1968 · 11-07-2009, 08:45 AM

has been here taking care of me helping me out since surgery this past Monday.

Hadn't seen her for a few months prior. She's gained weight, is up to 200 lbs @ 5'8".

Her weight is an issue as mine was. It's an emotional eating kind of thing like mine was. Mine was considerably less by surgery time thanks to some DBT classes.

I didn't realize how profound her issues with it are, until I went to kiss her on her forehead while she slept and saw an empty can of cream of chicken soup on the nightstand next to her. This was after a night I'd made her a big dinner already of salmon and brussel sprouts, potatoes.

She's on her way to this surgery, and it KILLS me not just for the emotional pain that goes along with being heavy, but the emotional pain that must have gotten her to eating.

I feel like such a failure. A horrible mom. What have I done to cause this.

I don't ever want her to have to go to the extreme route I just had to go to lose my weight.

I don't want her to hurt.

And most of all for me, for now, what do I do with these feelings now that *I* can't eat them away.

Heh.

Just venting. Thanks.

dswofford · 11-07-2009, 08:57 AM

First of all you are not a horrible mom. It is true children watch us and learn about what's acceptable and what's not. You may have a problem with food, but you are doing something about it. Hey, you know what? She's still watching.

The only thing I know to do with feelings is to feel them. Or I can start to try to cover them up with something else. Maybe a new hobby? Bowling is fun.

Good luck. Feel better and STOP BEATING yourself up!

hollycerniglia · 11-07-2009, 09:16 AM

I am sure that you were the best mom that you could be. I was an emotional eater myself. It's so hard to get past that. Keep your chin up. I am sure she is proud of you.
By the way congrats on your surgery. I take it all is going well for you. Keep in touch!

poet_kelly · 11-07-2009, 09:18 AM

You mentioned that DBT classes helped you. Maybe that would help your daughter, too?

Kelly

Kimberley1968 · 11-07-2009, 09:20 AM

She doesn't have any groups nearby where she lives, and she doesn't drive yet.

I did buy her the DBT workbook which has rave reviews...gave that to her.

Guess that's the best I can do for now...I think.

lvl0rg4n · 11-07-2009, 09:45 AM

My mom had RNY when I was 15. Her highest was 250. My highest at 21 was 400. Did that make her a bad mom? Absolutely not. Very early in my life, I did not learn how to deal with emotions, I was constantly infront of the tv (to escape life) and my mom did not know any better because of the way she was raised.

I am not sure what DTP is, but I'd have a sit down meeting with her about where she is heading, and research some eating disorder therapists in her area and see if she'd be willing to go.

Who knows, your daughter may end up having the same surgery we've all had. It's hard to change a lifetime of habits.

FatButNotHappy · 11-07-2009, 02:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lvl0rg4n

My mom had RNY when I was 15. Her highest was 250. My highest at 21 was 400. Did that make her a bad mom? Absolutely not. Very early in my life, I did not learn how to deal with emotions, I was constantly infront of the tv (to escape life) and my mom did not know any better because of the way she was raised.

(did anyone read wally lamb's book--she'c come undone"? this is exactly what it is about....i LOVE that book.)

Anyway, to the OP----
Her weight doesnt have anything to do with you....my weight doesnt have anything to do with my mom. at least i dont think it does. my oldest daughter's weight has everything to do with mine, though. she is skinny because she FEARS she will look like me. She tells me this often, in a joking matter--of course. (ha ha ha--not so much.)

Relax, you cant blame yourself for everything that goes wrong in your kid's lives. Of course, you CAN blame their fathers!