I've made such a Mess... - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

staraex · 11-06-2009, 04:32 AM

So, I haven't been around much because over the last 7-8 months I have had an abundance of drama (allllll caused by none other than myself).

I've always had a crush on this guy since I was about 17. After a significant amount of weight came off I started hitting up the bar scene 2-4x/week. I ended up overlyyy flirting with him and exchanged numbers, hung out, and hooked up all while my fiance was at home. (I know). My fiance received an amazing job offer down in Florida where we were planning on moving to this past summer. So I told him to take it and move down and I would follow in a couple, short months.

Well, I fell in love with this other guy and he fell way more in love with me. We've had so much fun and have an intense, excessive amount of passion that can't compare to that of my fiance's. My bf has been the best to me and treats me like a queen. Anything I need, want, desire is mine w/o question. And ontop of all that, its the best sex I've ever had in my life- every single time! Sounds good, right? Wrong.

Throughout this whole ordeal of my boyfriend begging me to be rid of my fiance, I can't let him go and I know I never will even though my boyfriend makes me feel like I'm on cloud nine! So, I decided to get rid of the boyfriend and keep the fiance. Sounds simple, right? Wrong.

My boyfriend's best friend is my best friend's boyfriend. Its turned into such a dirty circle. Everyone (including myself) have been talking shit and lying. So its not as easy to get rid of him. My best friend had spilled some beans to her boyfriend (my boyffriend's best friend) about me seeing my fiance when I was trying to keep that from him. So, a couple months later I didn't feel so bad when I was questioned about something that made me look guilty when i was only covering for my best friend's sexual escipades and beans spilt.

Unfortunately, my boyfriend found out my his best friend that I was moving to Florida and all hell broke loose. He ended up calling my fiance, calling his best friend and telling him his girlfriend has been cheating on him for months, etc. So, needless to say we came off our "break" and broke up and finalized my decision to be w/my fiance. But now, my bestfriend's life was f***ed up. I needed to fix things the only way I knew how... to get back together w/my bf. I did that and he was able to patch things up with his friend, my bff and her bf are patched up, my bff and i are fine, my fiance and i are fine, but my bf and i are fine when I don't want to be with him.

SO- now I'm stuck. I'm moving the 2nd week of December and he has noooooo idea. I've got to get out of this without making him go psycho and ruin everything that has been fixed.

I JUST WANT TO GO ON RECORD SAYING I KNOWWWW I MESSED UP- BAAAAAD! I am in no way making myself appear to be innocent. I feel badly for what I've done and have learned my lesson. But I just don't know what to do in order to keep everyone's relationship intact. I would liek to tell him we gave it try and it didnt work out (truth), but I'm frightened he will harm me since last week he told me: "Dont you worry, I won't hit you, but I'll sure as find someone who will".

So that is my drama story. If I can't get any advice, atleast you won't need to waste your time on watching a Lifetime movie this weekend!!!!

jerseygrl684 · 11-06-2009, 06:49 AM

You have a boyfriend and a fiancee?

Yeah, i'm totally confused here. Personally I've thought you jumped into this WLS blind to the emotional changes and took it with a grain of salt (which isn't good). I've seen your FB and such, with the partying, the drinking, the guys. It's not something I would do, but that is me.

I don't understand much of your story, but get rid of the all the guys. The fiancee, the boyfriend, whoever is threatening you, whoever is in FL. You had WLS to better your life, don't make these decisions because you don't want to be alone. I'd rather be alone than dead on the side of the road or in a relationship where I know it wasn't going to make me happy.

If I were the fiancee, I would have cut you and your crap loose a long time ago. You had a good guy at home, if you didn't want to be with him you should have ended things. Don't be so selfish... let HIM be happy too.

Arsonal · 11-06-2009, 06:54 AM

WOW.

The only thing I can say is that baggage from an ex can haunt you for a long time, and that all depends on the ex.

Once you move away, he may just move one, but it doesn't sound like this one will. If your fiancee and best friend have come to terms with what has occurred, and are still with you, then I say move on to Florida.

Years down the road, this small frame of time will not matter anymore. Yeah, things in your life are going to be different, and your friendship maybe altered especially for the first little while, but time heals a lot of things.

If your fiancee has forgiven what you have done, kudos to him - he's a good man.

Jersey beat me to the punch - ditto to a lot of what she said. It's what you need to here, I think.

ardita · 11-06-2009, 07:01 AM

I would imagine knowing the truth would be very hard for your fiance to get over, yet for you to have a relationship worthy of marriage, you have to share the whole truth. It doesn't sound as though you are ready for marriage. If you want to hang in there, I wouldnt make the big move without first sharing the truth and seeing where that leaves your relationship.

Who has been threatening you?

Staraex= tara sex?

Highlandlass · 11-06-2009, 07:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ardita

I would imagine knowing the truth would be very hard for your fiance to get over, yet for you to have a relationship worthy of marriage, you have to share the whole truth. It doesn't sound as though you are ready for marriage. If you want to hang in there, I wouldnt make the big move without first sharing the truth and seeing where that leaves your relationship.

Who has been threatening you?

Staraex= tara sex?

I'm in total agreement with Ardita on this one. Telling the whole truth, as hard as that is going to be, is the only way to handle this really confused and messy situation. You have to pay the piper sometimes in life, and you are face to face with that now. As my old mamma used to say "You made your bed, now lay in it!" You might lose everyone, but in the long run, being honest will leave you with the knowledge that you took responsibility for your own actions and faced up to them and the fallout from a really bad situation. I don't see any other way - so, don't lie about this any more, don't make excuses, just handle it like a "big girl"!

soon2bthin · 11-06-2009, 07:23 AM

Tara, I have no idea what just happened in this story or if you are even moving to Florida.

Good luck with your Lifetime movie.

Chrissie23 · 11-06-2009, 07:26 AM

So I'm assuming you want "advice" since you posted on a public forum...

The truth: The fiance deserves someone better than you. You have a BOYFRIEND and a fiance? If you're commited to one person (and I think the title 'fiance' is pretty damn well supposed to be commitment) you should only be with one person. Yes mistakes happen but that's why you call said fiance and end things instead of doing dirty dirty shit. Maybe you need to be cheated on and lied to in the same way to see how much hurt that would really cause.

The bullshit: Oh it'll be fine when you move to Florida. The drama will totally dissappear cause you erased yourself from it. Don't worry! You won't have to fix your hot mess, running away is the perfect solution.

Harsh? Maybe. But cheating is no excuse for anything, you admitted said fiance is a good man, gives you what you want/need....so what makes him deserve this exactly?

Again you asked for advice, you may not like what you hear

jerseygrl684 · 11-06-2009, 07:29 AM

Let me add, I also recommend some therapy. You need to work on the core issues here. A lot of women post-op are in abusive/demeaning/controlling/ crappy relationships. I don't get it. You bettered your body, but you are going to let some man tell you what to do, how to do it, and where you can do it.

Boozing it up and partying is not the answer at all. You need to get yourself fixed before you make these life altering decisions like marriage, moving to FL, and even being in a relationship. No man is going to want to be with a girl who can't even help herself.

Phatlady · 11-06-2009, 07:48 AM

Chrissie nailed it.
Your story is all about how dysfuntional you are and YOU are the one who needs to step back.
Your Fiancee deserves someone much nicer and more honest than you. And you yourself state you are not crazy in love with him.
Break if off, if you care about him at all, do the right thing and let him go.
As for Mr Torrid affair, anyone who threatens to have you hit is abusive. Mental abuse and control can be as bad as actually getting hit.
He clearly has to be in control and does not care who he hurts if he gets upset-he just smashed your best friend and his best friend's relationships when you broke up with him.
He is a big loser and scary to boot. Step back and look at this mess. Forget that this is Peyton Place. You could be in real danger with your boyfriend and you are setting out to ruin your fiancee's life.
You need to discover your self esteem, break it off with both men-no contact of any kind for at least six months,(which will probably mean a restraining order for your boyfriend), -and reevaluate your life.

bezobraz · 11-06-2009, 08:51 AM

I am not going to bash what you've done, enough said already.

About threats ... Don't take them lightly, be careful and be aware. Restraining order is always an option - it's not bullet proofed but still... He needs to know you will fight back!

I didn't get it strait - does your fiance know about BF? If he does not BF can use it against you.

Be prepared for consequences, your fiance might not forgive you. You said it yourself - it's a mess!

Good luck!
Tonya