I've made such a Mess... - Page 3 - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

mistymee · 11-06-2009, 12:34 PM

I'm not going to comment too much on the OP situation. I think she's been unfair to the fiance, and has basically wasted time in his life that he'll never, ever get back.

I think for Tara, she would be wise to get into some counseling to see why she was able to hurt so many people, including herself.

I would have tons more to say but I will leave it at that. I was married to a cheater and have strong opinions on what that does to people... but that is for some other time and place.

Delane · 11-06-2009, 12:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mistymee

I'm not going to comment too much on the OP situation. I think she's been unfair to the fiance, and has basically wasted time in his life that he'll never, ever get back.

I think for Tara, she would be wise to get into some counseling to see why she was able to hurt so many people, including herself.

I would have tons more to say but I will leave it at that. I was married to a cheater and have strong opinions on what that does to people... but that is for some other time and place.

I personally think that she needs to know the other aspect of cheating. I seen my mom go through it for years. My dad ripped her heart out. I don't think it has to be done in a bashing way, and I know you wouldn't do that kel, she put this thread out there, and I think she really wants to know our opinions.

Now I don't this she is a bad person, however I do think she has made some very very bad choices. People die everyday over stuff like this. I said before you really need to seek out some professional hel. This is so very Sad to me, because it isn't just your life your messing with, there are many lives involved in this circle. Please I beg of you reach out and get the help you need.

I also think that maybe being in any relationship right now may not be the best thing for you. You really need to find out who you are. I wish you all the best and I hope that things work out and no one gets hurt, well no more than just there heart.

katzz87 · 11-06-2009, 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by staraex

... But now, my bestfriend's life was f***ed up. I needed to fix things the only way I knew how... to get back together w/my bf. I did that and he was able to patch things up with his friend, my bff and her bf are patched up, my bff and i are fine, my fiance and i are fine, but my bf and i are fine when I don't want to be with him.

FYI: You should work on your relationship with you and the man you want to be with (fiance?). You are NOT responsible for how others react in their own relationships; that is for THEM to figure/work out.

Choose who you want to be with...and if that person is willing to try to work things through then consider yourself blessed. But if your first choice decides to opt out of the relationship do NOT go to the 2nd choice person.

Beth in Texas · 11-06-2009, 01:20 PM

Tara, there's been some advice that may sound harsh, but goodness I believe you already expected that, from what I read of your post.

I am in complete agreement with Josephine, Jersey's first response to you, and I have to be quite honest with you here...

I believe you need to come clean with your Fiance, and remove yourself from that promise of marriage immediately no matter WHAT you do. It wasn't until I was 36 years old that I found myself in his shoes. And, trust me girl. If he IS truly serious with you that he didn't care about the BF and is willing to stay engaged--he has not figured out yet how true it is that 'if they cheat once, they will always cheat.'

You've already done that twice to the poor chap.

So that is it as far as my bit of 'wisdom.' Let the poor fiance go now. He is already hurting far more than you obviously realize.

Good luck to you, Tara.

staraex · 11-06-2009, 03:15 PM

thank you for your responses- all of you. after i re-read my post I see where confusion couldve set in.

I cheated on my fiance ONCE about 7 months ago. I told my fiance just under a week later. He said he couldnt forgive me at that time and received a job offer and moved to FL. We weren't together while I had my bf. We had no communication for a few months and then a month ago he came up to visit and we decided we would work things out. I broke up w/my bf and told him I still was in love w/him but I thought being w/the other was in my best interest. The EXbf remained to be a best friend who was still in live w/me but nothing intimate happened between us. He would ask me almost on a weekly basis to come back but I couldnt. He was very calm about it. When I made my decision to move to FL I was keeping it from EXbf because I was afraid of hurting him and was waiting for the right time. When he found out he was obviously hurt and more hurt that it didnt come from me. Normal. However, he snapped and tried to ruin things for my best friend, myself, and his best friend. So, the only way to fix things for my best friend was to get back together with him temporarily until things were fixed. So, now things are fixed and I need to break it off w/ him for good.

I was looking for advice of how to break it to him the best way so that he doesn't flip out again and try to hurt me or try to ruin relationships.

Also, I do go out a lot and am enjoying the new life. However, I just had my first drink in 3 months last weekend for Halloween. And I've been to the bar atleast once a week in that time span. I had a period of time where I drank too much, but that was almost half a year ago.

Godsblessedme · 11-06-2009, 03:51 PM

Quote:

I've always had a crush on this guy since I was about 17. After a significant amount of weight came off I started hitting up the bar scene 2-4x/week. I ended up overlyyy flirting with him and exchanged numbers, hung out, and hooked up all while my fiance was at home. (I know). My fiance received an amazing job offer down in Florida where we were planning on moving to this past summer. So I told him to take it and move down and I would follow in a couple, short months.

Well, I fell in love with this other guy and he fell way more in love with me. We've had so much fun and have an intense, excessive amount of passion that can't compare to that of my fiance's. My bf has been the best to me and treats me like a queen. Anything I need, want, desire is mine w/o question. And ontop of all that, its the best sex I've ever had in my life- every single time! Sounds good, right? Wrong.

Throughout this whole ordeal of my boyfriend begging me to be rid of my fiance

Tara i'm sorry I completly agree with Mistymee/Kel and i really dont see confusion you said you and the fiance were still TOGETHER so i'm not sure if/why your saying that you only cheated once in the latest thread.

Also, i'm taking Jerseygirl/Kelly stand on this whole TOO MUCH INFO on the internet, i know all too well wanting to vent to someone but dont know if you should be putting all that out here, (as for mine, i listened and deleted my personal stuff like my life stuff) sorry i know its hard for you but i say let him go and let him live his life and you need to find the Tara in you again

staraex · 11-06-2009, 07:43 PM

we have been planning on moving down to Florida for almost 4 years now. and he did get an amaaazing job offer and i did tell him to take it and move down and that i would follow. he took the job and a week later gave in his 2 weeks, in that time was when this all happened. and yes, when i was no longer w my fiance and had a new bf i did fall in love with him.

like i said, i can see the confusion. thats because its a very long, complicated situation. i tried to give an overview and again, was only asking for advice on how to break it off w/o people getting hurt.

i can only tell so many people that i know these things and figured having a diverse forum of people that aren't involved in my real life could give me some good input as to what to do with that question. i suppose i was wrong. thanks anyway!

Delane · 11-06-2009, 07:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by staraex

we have been planning on moving down to Florida for almost 4 years now. and he did get an amaaazing job offer and i did tell him to take it and move down and that i would follow. he took the job and a week later gave in his 2 weeks, in that time was when this all happened. and yes, when i was no longer w my fiance and had a new bf i did fall in love with him.

like i said, i can see the confusion. thats because its a very long, complicated situation. i tried to give an overview and again, was only asking for advice on how to break it off w/o people getting hurt.

i can only tell so many people that i know these things and figured having a diverse forum of people that aren't involved in my real life could give me some good input as to what to do with that question. i suppose i was wrong. thanks anyway!

I don't think you were wrong to reach out and ask for help, ADVICE. Its always nice to have the opinion of others that aren't involved it the situation. I think some good advice has been givin, so please try to read from that and take what you need. Because I feel that your really do need someone or some place to go to for help and insperation. I have learned that sometimes you have to read bettween the lines to find the truth to what you need to do. I hope this makes sense.

OH and I seen your pics you are very beautiful, just make sure you use this beauty that God has blessed you with for all the right things. I hope things work out for you, and you find the right direction to go in.

jerseygrl684 · 11-06-2009, 08:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by staraex

we have been planning on moving down to Florida for almost 4 years now. and he did get an amaaazing job offer and i did tell him to take it and move down and that i would follow. he took the job and a week later gave in his 2 weeks, in that time was when this all happened. and yes, when i was no longer w my fiance and had a new bf i did fall in love with him.

like i said, i can see the confusion. thats because its a very long, complicated situation. i tried to give an overview and again, was only asking for advice on how to break it off w/o people getting hurt.

i can only tell so many people that i know these things and figured having a diverse forum of people that aren't involved in my real life could give me some good input as to what to do with that question. i suppose i was wrong. thanks anyway!

I think that you didn't hear what you wanted and dead honestly, your responses are making excuses for what you did realizing that people were kind of disgusted by what you admitted to doing and seem to still be doing. You won't be able to help yourself unless you want to face your deamons and overcome them. Obviously you aren't ready to do that. I hope that you re-read the responses here one day and actually listen to the advice that YOU asked for. Until then, I wish you the best of luck.

Highlandlass · 11-06-2009, 08:12 PM

I guess you didn't think being honest was good advice when we suggested that. Quite a few people tried to suggest that approach. If you are afraid that the ex bf will hurt you let the police know and get that restraining order. Otherwise, you just tell him you are going back with your fiance and then you move to Florida and live happily ever after.