Unsupportive Friends - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

TxHunni · 10-23-2009, 02:49 PM

I just had a disappointing phone call with a close friend. I told her I was having WLS at the end of December. She was quite surprised and her first response was "Isn't that kind of drastic? Why not just join a gym" Then she proceeded to tell me how she and her husband joined a gym and she's now down to a size 10 from a 14. She added "but we did it the OLD FASHIONED way."

I was dumbfounded. I didn't even know how to respond other than to try to defend myself.

Am I being extra sensitive or was this kind of rude of her.

What do you tell people who aren't on board or don't get it?

Vetty · 10-23-2009, 03:04 PM

Your friend was being rude. Yes, we all can try the diet and join a gym but for some of us it doesnt work. We dont have just a few puonds to lose much of us have almost half of ourselves to lose. Tell her thats great you guys could and dont talk to her about it. SHe has no right to tell you anything when she doesnt know what you are going through!

kantonucci · 10-23-2009, 03:21 PM

I just figure there are always going to be those Negative Nelly's out there that always have something to say and think they know what is best for everyone. It was rude for her to assume that what works for her would simply work for you.

You're doing what you need to do to have a better quality of life. Just keep that in mind.

Jodi · 10-23-2009, 03:24 PM

I will be having gastric bypass at the end of January. I too told a close friend and felt that she would completely understand since she weighs around 270 lbs. Her response to me was "so, your taking the easy way out instead of doing the hard work". I was so surprised because I felt that with her being overweight that she would have been supportive.

Hychap2009 · 10-23-2009, 03:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TxHunni

I just had a disappointing phone call with a close friend. I told her I was having WLS at the end of December. She was quite surprised and her first response was "Isn't that kind of drastic? Why not just join a gym" Then she proceeded to tell me how she and her husband joined a gym and she's now down to a size 10 from a 14. She added "but we did it the OLD FASHIONED way."

I was dumbfounded. I didn't even know how to respond other than to try to defend myself.

Am I being extra sensitive or was this kind of rude of her.

What do you tell people who aren't on board or don't get it?

I'm not trying to defend your friend but it is possible from her way of thinking (mindset) it is exactly what she says, drastic, and like most people who do not walk a day in our shoes, they will not understand the reasons as to why we feel and need to do this kind of surgery. I think in most of their minds they think "oh you just want to look slim", but for most of us it's a lot more complex than that. We've tried the convenstional way and for many reasons we have recognised that we need help. Losing weight and gaining it back again is no good, most of us have health issues which are exhasberated by the weight. All the same I don't think we need to justify our reasons to anyone, except maybe our nearest and dearest. I've made the decision to tell only my immediate family and really close friends - and I have their understanding and support.

I know how I use to think about this kind of surgery say 30 years ago, as I knew at that time 1 person who lived in my block. I'm still amazed when I see her today - back then it was a bit embarassing back then. She was always known as the lady who had her stomach stapled. I know I'll still be me, and I really don't want people to think of me like that, even if they don't mean to cause offence.

Bottom line your friend just don't get. She may not have intended to come across as rude and thinks she could encourage you to follow in her foot steps. Be happy for her and her success the old fashion way, if we could then we would have done so ages ago. So hey, as I say, "Every man do his thing a little way different".

poet_kelly · 10-23-2009, 03:59 PM

Well, it's fine to lose weight by going to the gym, if that works for you. I'm glad it's working for your friend. But if she started at a size 14, sounds like she didn't really have much to lose to begin with.

There is nothing special or better about doing things "the old fashioned way." Does your friend use a microwave to cook food or does she cook over an open fire, "the old fashioned way?" Does she drive a car or does she ride a horse to work, you know, the "old fashioned way" of getting somewhere? You get my point.

Kelly

Time For Heroes · 10-23-2009, 03:59 PM

She wasn't at all rude, she merely doesn't understand why you are choosing to do it this way, and the odds are you'll never be able to get her to understand. Why does what she thinks about it even matter to you?

kantonucci · 10-23-2009, 04:01 PM

Kelly - I was cracking up reading your response.

Thanks for the laugh!

Vikkator · 10-24-2009, 05:49 AM

Nearly 4 years ago a close friend of mine told me that she was getting WLS. She weighed 255 and had gained so much weight because of a medication she was taking. She couldn't function without the medication, but it gave her a ravenous appetite. At the time, I had been on Weight Watchers for nearly a year and had lost 45 pounds. I said the same thing to her. I feared for her.

But in early 2008, after having quit smoking, the 45 pounds was back on me, plus another 35. I had a chat with my slim friend and asked her what size she was wearing. When she told me she weighed 138 and was a size 6, I nearly fell off my chair. That's what got the ball rolling for me.

You see, your friend isn't being rude. She is concerned for you. However, like me, she is uneducated about WLS and how it can truly change a person's life. Understand where she's coming from, but also understand that this is your decision, and yours alone. If you think it's the right thing to do, then do it. Be like my friend: go with your heart. It's your life.