As The Time Draws Near... - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

Kimberley1968 · 10-18-2009, 11:01 AM

Scared as hell.

To be SEEN. Noticed. Analyzed for defects. In some ways it's easier to just be one huge defect. Everyone just takes one look now, and says yep, just one big defect. Soon it will be damn she'd be cute if her ass just wasn't so big. Or if she had boobs. Cause those'll be the first to go no doubt.

I want to remain a wallflower. But who am I kidding. Have you ever seen a FAT wallflower? I didn't think so.

How will I deal with the sudden thin-ness? How will I know who I am?

There is no doubt my personality will be altered. There is NO way around that.

I wonder if I'll lose my friends. The few I have. I wonder if they'll treat me different. I'm almost worried to be treated better by them after, because that will tell me I was thought less of whilst being fat.

I don't like being stared at by men. Women I don't mind. Men feel creepy when they stare me up and down. It makes me nauseous. It makes me want to CRAWL out of my skin and RUN for the hills!

I'm afraid of what I'll see in the mirror. Who's to say I won't keep seeing fat once I become normal weight? How will I know enough is enough? Even worse, what if I can't lose enough to reach a healthy goal? What if I fail altogether.

Just rambling...

Thanks for reading.

p.s. Yep! I have a therapist! lol

Highlandlass · 10-18-2009, 11:29 AM

Hi Kimberley - your ramblings are interesting and very normal, I'm sure. It is hard to imagine life without the fat surrounding our bodies - our armour so to speak, or our excuse for not getting out there! Now that I'm getting healthier and lighter I don't have the same excuses for not walking, getting involved and being more active all round. Don't view yourself as a defect, please. We are all created beautiful and you are a beautiful person as well. If your friends don't stick with you, what kind of friends were they in the first place? Things are bound to change as will your outlook. When is your surgery? What procedure will you be getting? Take care and think on the positive side of things - how much healthier you will be; how much easier it will be to get around; how much lighter your steps will be and remember, its up to you to make this thing work! Cheers!

Axel · 10-18-2009, 12:21 PM

Um, hello? Will you stop invading my mind, please?

I have the same thoughts and feelings and I'm pretty sure they're normal. Everyone talks about how we're going to mourn food, but I think we also mourn ourselves. We have no excuse to fail this time around and now we are faced with the distinct possibility of losing our wall of protection. I know I say that I can't wait to lose weight and be thin and be attractive, yada, yada, yada. But I'm still scared because now people will see me differently.

Just my two cents
*hugs*
Axel

Chewyjessy · 10-18-2009, 03:02 PM

Kimberly, I really applaud your post here. Its so brave of your to put your feelings/emotions/concern out there. I am sure alot of us have all felt what you are saying, but most of us don't have the courage to say/post it. Your openness and honestly is really an example for us all, and I already know you will be successfull in this journey.

Oh and I am glad u have a therapist, I don't think I would have made it this far without mine

Too many people concentrate all their time and efforts on the physical part of WLS and forget to work on the mental/emotional part too!!

Take care

Diann · 10-18-2009, 05:35 PM

Kimberly, how cool, we have the same date for surgery. I understand how you are feeling. I am older now however in my early 30s I lost 85 lbs (did not last long) I remember going to a holiday party in a special outfit my "thin clothes" After years of being the fat person -this man approached me and told me I looked lovely and that he enjoyed seeing my ERECT NIPPLES. Holy crap ! I almost got sick. I went into the bathroom and made sure I had somehow not lost the top I was wearing ! I then realized that my emotional makeup was not ready for attention to my body and that it FREAKED ME OUT. As I am now 57 I serously doubt that I will have an issue, but I do realize that I have a MAJOR BODY IMAGE thing to deal with. I am going to try. I guess my fat has been my suit of armor and protection -I was the funny fat girl, jolly nice and she HAS SUCH A PRETTY FACE ! Yuck. I am glad to hear that you are thinking about this. Diann