Suddenly it's ok to hit on me? - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

lvl0rg4n · 10-17-2009, 02:18 PM

I have also been pretty upfront about my surgery due to it not being a secret that I'm sucking down protein drinks and out a bit going to appointments. Since I have let people know, THREE guys have outwardly hit on me. The last guys I had hit on me were over a year and a half ago, and that was such a rare occurrence that I felt so awkward that I haven't talked to either of them since.

I just don't get hit on! I have always been upfront with myself about the fact that I don't expect nor encourage guys to hit on me. I know that I wouldn't want to be with someone 400 pounds who sweats walking up the stairs, so it's ok!

So within the last month, 3 guys have all hit on me. The only thing I can think of is, yeah I have a good personality, and now they see "a light at the end of the tunnel" regarding my weight and suddenly it's okay for them to give their attention to me.

I am having an internal struggle about where I feel offended or flattered. I mean, I KNOW that people don't want unhealthy partners. That's fine. But I'm also an awesome person (if I do say so myself), before my weightloss.

How have you guys dealt with people giving you attention if you were not used to receiving it?

jerseygrl684 · 10-17-2009, 04:20 PM

You are right, there are most people who aren't attracted to heavy people. It is a reality that we all need to face and I sure have dealt with. Other times, people want to be with someone who is happy with themselves and taking strides to take care of themselves... is there a possibility that these people are now taking interest because your attitude has changed? You may not realize it, but this may be the case.

Embrace the ego-boost, I do.

You are making quite bold accusations against your coworker/boss/etc, just watch what you put on the internet, by the way.

blevy · 10-17-2009, 04:22 PM

Smile and say thanks!!! That's what I've always done as long as its not sexual harassment!!!

lvl0rg4n · 10-17-2009, 04:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jerseygrl684

You are right, there are most people who aren't attracted to heavy people. It is a reality that we all need to face and I sure have dealt with. Other times, people want to be with someone who is happy with themselves and taking strides to take care of themselves... is there a possibility that these people are now taking interest because your attitude has changed? You may not realize it, but this may be the case.

Embrace the ego-boost, I do.

You are making quite bold accusations against your --, just watch what you put on the internet, by the way.

--edited

All good points. That may be it. I don't know if my attitude has changed - I mean I've dieted on and off the entire time I've known them. Ah well.

I don't know if you have a current significant other or not, but did you ever feel awkward about receiving attention even once you got small?

jerseygrl684 · 10-17-2009, 04:41 PM

Do I feel weird? I did at first, but i also had more confidence...i attributed it to that. I won't lie or sugarcoat it, men are more attracted now that i'm smaller.. there are guys that do not like bigger girls, it happens.

Yes, I have a boyfriend of 15 months. We started dating after my surgery and I would have never had to confidence or the "balls" to ask him to go out had i not had this surgery.

As I said, embrace it... because it isn't going away. Men still hit on me daily... i tend to roll my eyes and laugh.

Samantha. · 10-17-2009, 05:52 PM

I would have thought I'd feel the same way.. "what now because I'm smaller and becoming healthier it's okay to like me?"

Then I got this CD from my pysch. It's called 'The Tool and The Gift". It mimicks different pysch and support group sessions.

One of the tracks is a girl feeling the same way. But the pysch says to her, as jerseygrl has also said embrace the ego boost. Don't forget you are changing in more ways than one. Your weight, your health, your confidence (even if you had high confidence before) which in turn changes your personality. Therefor it may not always be "oh hey she's smaller/prettier/healthier." It may be that they are noticing you because your personality is changing and you are becoming more outgoing, or going out more, or being yourself more.

Just food for thought.

Good luck!

bezobraz · 10-17-2009, 08:51 PM

My boys at work were always nice to me. Now that I've lost all that weight they look at differently. I like it, embrace it and enjoy it. A year ago I didn't like me either, you know

UndercoverDiva · 10-17-2009, 10:16 PM

I got hit on as much before surgery as after. Definately a cultural thing, since a lot of Chicano men like bigger women.

Now, when I get hit on, it's by the men who like smaller women.

Josephine · 10-18-2009, 02:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UndercoverDiva

I got hit on as much before surgery as after. Definately a cultural thing, since a lot of Chicano men like bigger women.

Now, when I get hit on, it's by the men who like smaller women.

This is my experience as well. I'm a pretty girl and really sweet, so I get hit on a lot, but when I'm smaller, the type of man changes. At 320 it's the turkish/moroccan/african/mexican men that hit on me.... around once a week. At 220, the dutch and american men come out to play too lol. Some of the turkish/moroccan/african/mexican men still want some of that too tho lol. Around that weight I was getting hit on about 10 times a week. I attribute a lot of that to my confidence level as well. I looked really cute and was doing my masters... felt intelligent and beautiful and loved at that time.

I've never been below 220 in my adult life tho (I think I subconciously sabotage myself because of all the male attention and past issues of sexual abuse.) so it'll be curious to see what kind of men are hitting on me when I'm at 140.

Aomiel · 10-18-2009, 05:02 AM

I think we often discount how much of attraction is based on self-confidence. I've noticed that since I had a serious attitude adjustment regarding my weight a few years back, it doesn't matter that I weigh 260 lbs...men smile at me...they notice that I exist...on a regular basis. Self-confidence is beautiful. Aren't we attracted to self-confident men?

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