Letting it all out - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

Christi · 10-16-2009, 01:53 AM

Hey Guys. I wish I was coming here for the normal emotional support for just WLS and the new things going on in my life but I am here for so much more. Most of you know my husband and I are stationed overseas. I have battled homesickness and adapted to being here. However, me coming here was an effort to rekindle our marriage. He spent a year away from us in Korea, and the last six months of that year I talked to him on the phone 3 times and got 5 emails. Normally I would say "OK between training and time difference things are tough" but there was so much more. One of the 3 phone calls was for him to tell me that his command was investigating him for sexual misconduct. ( Nothing came of the investigation and everything was dropped, but it still planted the seed of doubt ) So you can imagine the state our relationship was in, before making this international move. Out of the past year things have been up and down and finally seemed to be good then all of a sudden it was crap again.

Right about the time things got crappy I was approved for surgery. I went back and forth with the decision to go ahead and finally decided that I was doing this for me and my health so I should go ahead. Now here I am one month post op and we just submitted paperwork to his command to get our little one and me sent back to the states. We are going to legally separate. I know that separating is the best thing for us. I have asking and practically begged him to go to some counseling with me but he always refused. So I went on my own and finally made peace with my decision.

I guess what I am looking for is other parents who has been through WLS and separation/divorce. Any words of wisdom is appreciated.

hollycerniglia · 10-16-2009, 03:44 AM

I am so sorry for what you are going thru. I didn't get divorced after my surgery; however, it had only been a year since I got it when I had surgery.My ex left me for a woman he met on the internet. I went thru terrible depression for almost a whole year. I would sit in my room all by myself and cry everyday. I have two teenage daughters and I could have cared less if they ate or what they did during this time. Because of me not being a responsible parent my oldest got into some trouble with the law. She ended up being put in a group home and has been there for 7 months now. Luckily, she gets to come home today for good. Well that is unless she gets into more trouble.
I sure hope things get better for you. It will just take some time.

Karlos · 10-16-2009, 04:42 AM

Christi I didn't want to read and run and I do wish I could say something to make you feel better or to be able to offer you some really good advice.

Sadly I have no experience of your sad situation and no words from me would be of any use at all. I simply wish you well and hope it works out for you in the end.

You are a lovely girl, and anyone that has the guts to go through WLS and take the steps you have to a new you, has got the strength of character to pull through this.

Good luck honey

Laureate · 10-16-2009, 05:06 AM

Christi, I'm with Karlos in the no experience here, but you've found a very supportive place where people will do their best to help you get on track.

I am very sorry for your pain, and it must be magnified by being in such a far-away place. My best advice is to find a good therapist to help you deal, even if your husband does not.

I'm sure the parents among us will have more and better advice, but my heart goes out to you.

Laureate · 10-16-2009, 05:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hollycerniglia

I am so sorry for what you are going thru. I didn't get divorced after my surgery; however, it had only been a year since I got it when I had surgery.My ex left me for a woman he met on the internet. I went thru terrible depression for almost a whole year. I would sit in my room all by myself and cry everyday. I have two teenage daughters and I could have cared less if they ate or what they did during this time. Because of me not being a responsible parent my oldest got into some trouble with the law. She ended up being put in a group home and has been there for 7 months now. Luckily, she gets to come home today for good. Well that is unless she gets into more trouble.
I sure hope things get better for you. It will just take some time.

Holly, my fellow Tennessean, that's great news on your daughter's return. I hope you all find your way together to a better life.

Christi · 10-16-2009, 01:12 PM

Thank you guys!

Holly that is great about your daughter. I hope everything works out for you guys.

As far as this situation, I refuse to let it stress me out. Just alot of hard work and determination in my future.

mistymee · 10-16-2009, 01:49 PM

Hi Christi,

I was divorced prior to even thinking of WLS but if I can be of any help at all whatsoever, please feel free to PM me or whatever.

A couple of books that I found enormously helpful during that time:

Amazon.com: Crazy Time: Surviving Divorce and Building a New Life, Revised Edition (9780060923099): Abigail Trafford: Books

This book was one I read at least three, maybe four times... and I found it so helpful.

Another book that was helpful and came highly recommended by many in the divorce support group I used to belong to was Amazon.com: Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way (9780679778011): M. Gary Neuman: Books

This book is geared more towards the little ones than the older kids I had but I still found some of the information helpful.

Getting home, to your loving family will help, I'm sure.

Good luck... you can get through this.. it's tough but so is the human spirit.

Jeanie · 10-16-2009, 03:35 PM

i hope that you and your daughter get back to the states soon, and are around people that will support and love you. Good luck, and just remember you have to do what's best for you and your happiness. It sounds like you've tried, and that's all you could have done.