OMG my doctor said "those" words to me!? - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

laurajh · 10-12-2009, 08:22 AM

I just had the 2nd visit of my supervised diet on Friday. As far as the insurance requiring 6-monthly visits, I am the first person to ever request this of her, so I am a new experience in her career. And she said something that nearly made me fall off the table. When I mentioned my concern about dropping below the BMI threshold of 40, she did say it would be ok because with my new co-morbidity (hypertension) that number drops to 35 (which I already knew), but because I opened my big mouth she now thinks I’ll be deliberately holding back and not giving my best effort to lose because (and this is a direct quote)…”I want the surgery because it’s the easy way out.”

Holy crap, this is a DOCTOR saying this to me!!! Normally when people say that I just brush them off as the uninformed fools that they are, but how am I supposed to respond when apparently my own doctor doesn’t even know what WLS really entails?
Was that an insensitive and inappropriate thing for a doctor to say or am I being overly sensitive? All I could think to say in response was that there’s nothing easy about it, and I must have given her the death eyes when I said it because she got an expression that looked like she knew she put her foot in her mouth.

I think I’m going to bring that up again at next month’s appointment and let her know how much that comment bothered me. I want her to explain to me why she it’s the easy way out, what she knows about it other than the mechanics, and I want to know if she’s ever even MET a post-surgery patient before.

When I first told her I was looking into surgery I got a sense that she didn’t approve, now after her verbal slipup I KNOW she doesn’t and I’m wondering if I’m stuck with not the best choice for a doctor in my current situation. I’ve been seeing her for years, long before I ever started even thinking about surgery, and have been comfortable with her up until that comment. She’s nice about it and will put anything in my records that will be helpful in getting approved, but I don’t know if I can be comfortable continuing to see a doctor that sees me as a cheat in her mind.

mistymee · 10-12-2009, 08:33 AM

Well- wow! lol. I think I would've been SO upset and kind of speechless!

I think that since you are comfortable with her other than this enormous 'slip up', I would maybe see if she's willing to learn about the surgery and why it is far from the 'easy way' but often the 'only way'.

See if she's willing to learn what she will need to do to continue offering you her medical assistance. If she blows off your concerns, I would seriously consider changing doctors.

(Am I correct in remembering you're in MA? My former PCP in Ma was very supportive- not as up on the details as I'd have liked but willing to work with me and my own research was necessary but she was willing to go with what I wanted)

laurajh · 10-12-2009, 09:00 AM

It’s not that she’s blowing off my concerns, she does listen to them and says she'll help to give the insurance company whatever it is they need. I think she just spoke without thinking and her true opinion just slipped out (and now I know).
That’s ok, whatever. I don’t need her approval, only her notes.
I just hope my insurance company doesn’t require a doctor’s letter explaining why they recommend that surgery would be my best option (because obviously she doesn’t believe that to be the case, and my asking her to write such a letter would in her mind be asking her to lie for me). If I’m not mistaken I believe it’s the surgeon that usually writes the letter when one is required, I just hope I’m not in deep doo doo because of my primary. And I can't change doctors now, when I've already started the diet history. I'm not starting over.

watfam4 · 10-12-2009, 09:32 AM

It does not sound like your PCP has much experience with this. Personally, I would not want to risk being post-op without my PCP 100% on-board. And the last thing you need is a PCP that is going to second guess your decision if you do have any post-op issues.

JustJoy · 10-12-2009, 09:53 AM

Wow. I'm stunned that a doctor would have such a negative opinion and be tactless enough to let it slip. I'd be worried about having a PCP with a negative opinion and whether that opinion will affect her treatment. BUT, perhaps she can be open-minded enough to learn more about the surgery beyond the mechanics. That would be the best-case scenario. I do think a good chat is in order if for no other reason than to clear the air.

Good luck!

Sherry_Lynn · 10-12-2009, 12:16 PM

It was very rude and unprofessional for her to say that to you. I would find the best possible way to explain how it feels to be obese: I for one would explain it like this: I probably could struggle and eat right, exercise to lose maybe 30 or even 40 pounds, but I know that from experience I won't be able to keep it off. I am not lazy, unmotivated, nor do I suffer from lack of willpower. Being obese takes on a personality of it's own. There is a deep need to eat too much, eat the wrong things, etc., and I just can't overcome them. I never thought this was the easy way out, and now I know for sure it isn't. It's a life long commitment to making good choices, but the tool of the surgery makes it possible. My PCP watched me suffer and struggle for years. Just losing the 30 pounds before surgery took everything I had. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. And maybe she just even isn't worth explaining this to!

poet_kelly · 10-12-2009, 01:29 PM

I would have a chat with her at your next appointment, if you feel comfortable doing that. Yes, it was rude and inappropriate thing to say. But maybe she did just slip, you know? Maybe she didn't mean it the way it sounded.

Maybe she doesn't agree with WLS. And you don't need her permission or her approval. But you do need her support. You do need her to treat you with respect. And you need her to make some effort to learn about the needs of post-op WLS patients. Because most PCP's don't know much about WLS and treating patients after WLS. That does not mean they aren't good doctors. Apparently they just don't learn much about it in med school. So after WLS, we need doctors that will make an effort to learn about how to care for us.

If you've been happy with the care she's given you up 'til now, I wouldn't just automatically stop seeing her because of this. I would make an effort to discuss it with her. Find out if she's on board. Or willing to get on board. If she's not, or if you don't like her attitude when you discuss it with her, then I would look for a new doc. But you might find she is sorry for what she said and that she is perfectly willing to do what she needs to do in order to give you good care.

Kelly

Aomiel · 10-12-2009, 03:21 PM

As long as she's on board as far as doing whatever you need her to do to get the surgery approved, I wouldn't worry about it. I would talk with her though and use this as an opportunity to 'educate' her. The sad fact is that most people fall into her category...including obese people who should know better.

On another list I'm on, I read a post by someone who was berating another poster for complaining about being hungry. She said we should get used to dealing with hungry because that's just the way it will be even with the surgery. This from someone who's had the surgery!

Don't write off your doc. Educate her.

LyndasRoom · 10-12-2009, 03:37 PM

It sounds like you'll be educating your PCP a little. I was my PCPs second, and the first one had problems, including bulimia post op...she now has a little group of us...and we keep her informed.

SinKittyVixen · 10-12-2009, 03:51 PM

It was a cruddy thing to say. I would come right out and talk to her about it, and let her know how it made u feel. Maybe she didnt mean it that way.,...who knows.. I wouldnt let it sit in ur mind and bother ya...talk to her.