SueRN

The best thing to do is have a honest talk with your doctor. Find out if she really thinks that people who undergo WLS are looking for the easy way out or that she thinks that you think WLS is the easy way out. For those of us that have had the surgery....we know it's not. But, unfortunately, there still are a lot of people that want the surgery because they do think it's a magic fix. Some insurance companies do want a letter from your PCP because they want to know that you will have the support of your PCP for the long haul. I know my surgeon wanted a letter from my PCP because a good surgeon knows that we need their support for the rest of their lives. The surgeon only takes care of any surgical problems after the initial post op phase, then your PCP will take over your regular medical care.

It is also good to have a PCP that has a good understanding of WLS and any possible complications that come along with it. It's your health so both you and your MD should work as a team. If you had a good relationship with this MD before her comment, then I suggest you talk to her about it. If she is not supportive of your decision to have WLS, maybe you need to find someone who will. This will not affect you 6 month diet. You will not have to start over. As long as you have documentation of 6 months by MD notes, you will be fine.....Sue

mistymee

(HIJACK for a sec) SUE! good to see you posting- where have you been? Hope you're well!- maybe you could post an update somewhere, let us know what is up? I've wondered about many of you that have been missing. You, Zen..gosh there's a lot of you MIA! (back to the reg. thread!)

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SueRN

Hey! i've been around...mainly responding to PMs as I don't get on this site much. But, I had some time today and dropped by. Things are good. At my new job 1 year today. Keep going up and down 15 lbs, but that's better than 150! How are things with you?

laurajh

Maybe the whole thing is just a bad idea, because I’m really starting to realize that I don't have anyone. My doctor doesn't support me, my mother doesn't support me, yesterday my brother found out and he looked at me with disgust and asked why I don't just exercise.
I have social anxiety disorder so I don't have a lot of friends, my one good friend said only “I hope you don’t end up in a smaller size than me ha ha”, and another friend (that had the surgery) I don’t even want to tell because I know she’ll think I only want the surgery because she did it. The only person that’s got my back is my husband, and I don’t know if he wants me to do it truly for me or because he’s drooling over envisioning a thin wife.
I don’t want anyone I work with to know because I don’t want anyone talking about me behind my back (or to my face). Having social anxiety, knowing I’m being talked about and being looked at and judged is terrifying to me.
When I lose the weight, knowing I’ll have strangers staring and liking what they see will be intimidating enough, I can’t bear the thought of the people I know looking at me and thinking negative things about how I got there.

I don’t know if I can take much more of this. How am I supposed to get through a surgery if I’m surrounded by nothing but negativity and judgement? This is an opportunity for me to better myself in both health and self esteem, and I feel like no one cares enough about me to let me do that, why would they rather see me unhealthy and unhappy? I know it’s just ignorance but it still hurts.

SueRN

I'm going to be totally honest with you....you having this surgery is not the right thing for you to do at this time. I'm not saying ever...but honey, not right now. But, I think even you can see that. If you currently in counselling for your anxiety, I suggest you start there. Because all of the concerns you have....are going to be a daily reality after the surgery. You need to be mentally strong to face it. There are always going to be people that will try to put you down for having the surgery and explain why you should just diet and exercise. I would always dismiss them or wouldn't even listen. My husband and mother weren't supportive in the beginning...I was 38 when I had my surgery, but they came around. They were afraid of the complications that you only hear about in the media. I would constantly get asked questions at work about my weight loss. Everyone knew I had the surgery. It was my choice to tell people because I was excited about the changes in my life. I honestly didn't care what anyone said. All in all, because i treated this as a good thing in my life and deflected the negativity, it was brought up in a positive manner. If someone had a problem with it, it was just that....his/her problem and not mine.

This is something that you do for yourself and can't get distracted by what others think. If your husband is in your corner, that's all you need. But, it sounds like you have more issues that you can safely handle alone. The best thing for you to do is work on getting yourself mentally stronger thru therapy. This will only help you succeed when you do have WLS. If this is something you really want to do, go for it. It's your body and your health. But you will need to have some coping skills to get you thru the tough post op phase to deal with all the physical and emotional changes. There are a lot of people that don't get help first, and they have more problems later. If you don't fix some of the emotional problems that may cause you to overeat, they are still going to be there whether you have the surgery or not. Please get help with this. Sue

poet_kelly

I agree with Sue. You gotta work through some of this stuff with a counselor. You also need to start attending a support group. Does the surgeon you're going to offer a support group?

I can't tell you whether you should have surgery or not. Only you can decide that. But I do know you need support, so get to a support group, and get to a counselor if you don't already have one.

Kelly

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RNY 11/4/08

surgery/current/goal
270/147/130

SLRteach

I completely agree with Sue and Kelly. LauraJH only "YOU" can decided if you are mentally strong enough to do this. You have to not worry about what other people think and say about you including the Dr! I just had my
2nd PCP visit yesterday. I lost 3 lbs and that was just because I took my shoes and jacket off this time! I know by having surgery in the future that it will be the only way that I am ever going to loose weight and keep it off! It certainly isn't the easy way out and I would explain that to my Dr. I would take the approach that you are going to have to educate him/her! I am trying to wrap my head around how I am going to have to eat and exercise after I have it done. I see the nut and psych next week and I'm really looking forward to what they have to say. I don't give a sh*@ what anyone says or thinks, I am doing this for me me me!!!

Aomiel

Are you doing this for them...or for you? If you're doing it for them, then it is a bad idea.

And yet if they found out you had cancer, they wouldn't be the least bit disgusted to find you were getting chemo. Face it, obesity is the last frontier for accepted discrimination. We're looked at as stupid, lazy, slobs who lack self-control...by the same people who smoke, gamble, drink, are out of shape and 'slightly' overweight. Personally, I'd find a new doctor because that one is super important. Your doctor can be the difference between life and death and I wouldn't want a doctor who saw my obesity as nothing more than lack of self-control or a character fault.

Does it matter 'why' he's supportive?

All that said, I agree with Sue. Find a supportive therapist and deal with some of your social anxiety issues first. You might try contacting a bariatric treatment center to see if they have any therapists they recommend as these people will be far more knowledgeable (perhaps empathetic) to the very real concerns the obese deal with.

Good luck to you, Laura!

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laurajh

Thank you everyone for your thoughts. I was having a really bad day yesterday but am feeling a lot better now. That's not typical for me, usually peoples' words don't get to me like that. I'm back in my "outta my way I'm coming through" frame of mind!

I’ve actually dealt with social anxiety for as long as I can remember, I grew up with it. I’ve seen several therapists and have tried countless medications. It’s manageable but never does go away. At least the thought of upcoming support groups are doable. Years ago I don't think I would have been able to attend one.

jad0327

OMG! I can't believe a doctor would say that. Although they have gone to school a few more years that most of us, I find that they really aren't any smarter or better communicators. But you will have to work closing with this woman for not just the six months pre. There will be a lot of interaction post too. Pick up the phone and call to speak with her. Tell her what you feel and ask her if she is capable of working with you as you walk this road. You don't need a doctor who is not supportive. Its tough enough when you have everyone with you!