REALLY need support (warning...long post) - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

dolphin12969 · 10-09-2009, 12:05 PM

I haven't been on in a while, but this was the 1st place I came running back to when I needed emotional support. Just shows how much this site means to me. I apologize in advance for the length of this, but there's a lot going on.

A little over a month ago I fell backwards out of a truck at work & bounced off a cement loading dock. I hurt my back, shoulder, neck & hip. I have soft tissue & nerve injury. My nerves are now having their own little party & mis-firing, causing uncontrolled back spasms. This has been going on long enough that I guess my abs got jealous & decided to get in on the act. Now when my back spasms, my front spasms too. Yehaw! Nothing quite as much fun as being curled up in a ball on the floor. They have me on Flexeril & Vicodin which helps a little & they've had me off work. I have an MRI scheduled for Monday & then I will be scheduled with some spine specialists for injections in my back to get this to quit. What's funny is the Dr. told me if I had more meat on me, I wouldn't have had so much damage from the fall. This is the only time since surgery I had wished for the extra padding, lol.

That by itself has been difficult enough to handle, but...wait for it...it get's worse. Yesterday when I woke up, there were 6 text messages on my cell phone from my daughter. She was letting me know that she had moved out & moved in with her boyfriend & his family

Are you kidding me? She is 17 & a Senior in high school. Her boyfriend is a real dork. He is also 17 & already has 2 children. I encouraged her to not settle, but never told her she couldn't see him, knowing that would make her want to see him even more. For some reason his parents are completely ok with her living with them. They gave her her own bedroom & think it will be fine. I give it less than a week of living together before they aren't in separate bedrooms any more. She's had plans since 8th grade to go to college & get her master's in nursing.

I always encouraged her to get at least her BS before getting married so she could focus on school & create a future. I had her without being married & never got my degree because I was always working & when I wasn't working, all my time was spent on her. I wanted better for her & have always taught her that. Her boyfriends mom actually seriously told me that it wasn't that important, as she didn't go to college until after marriage & 2 kids. She said that like it was a good thing.

She's a teacher & her husband is a stocker @ Walmart. They've never owned a home & aren't exactly the poster children for success. My daughter works as a cashier @ Walmart & her boyfriend works as a cart pusher. He can't even provide for the 2 children he has, let alone provide for my daughter if they (God forbid) got married.

I am an emotional wreck right now. Because she's 17 & we live in Texas, legally there is nothing I can do about her moving out. They don't consider her a runaway. My heart is shattered. We have always been so close & shared so much. This just hurts so bad, I wish I knew what to do.

Cee99Cee · 10-09-2009, 12:47 PM

we don't always like the choices are kids make and she is going to make her own mistakes (why can't they just learn from our) My suggestion is to keep lines open and still encourage her to pursue college maybe once she gets there and out grows the family she is staying with she will see the light and make sure she is on birth control maybe the shot that way she won't forget to take the pill she wants to act grown up let her it is not all that it is cracked up to being. sorry you are hurting her timing sucks that for sure. mist teenager are selfish but they do grow out of it.

Aomiel · 10-09-2009, 02:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dolphin12969

My heart is shattered. We have always been so close & shared so much. This just hurts so bad, I wish I knew what to do.

My .02...you just keep loving her. There isn't much more you can do. I'd let her know that you don't agree with what she's doing but that you still love her. Keep the communication lines open.

It's all we can do when our children become 'adults' (and I'm using the term loosely).

Arsonal · 10-09-2009, 05:32 PM

A little of the legal side....

Technically, she COULD still be considered a runaway, but there is not too much the police could do except bring her home to run away again.

Penal code (criminal law) says that a person is an adult at 17. Family Code has something in it showing the age of 18, I believe more for the purposes of school and parent responsibility (truancy issues, etc).

The district attorney's office where I work still considers a 17-year old that is still in school a runaway. Again, not much the police can really do except bring her home. They usually run away again within hours of being located at that age.

Other than that, I agree with Aomiel.

Sherry_Lynn · 10-09-2009, 09:58 PM

Ya know, I'm one of those who just had to learn the hard way. I sooooooooo wish I would have listened to my Parents. But I'm happy to report that I did finally get my act together. My Sister dropped out of High School to be with a jerk, and I mean JERK! But she got her GED, went to Nursing School, paid for every dime by herself, and has been an RN since she was 26 years old. We are both very happily married today to kind, loving, successful men. Just love her, which I'm sure you do, and be there to help pick her up when she needs you...............and she will. Sorry for your heartaches.

ardita · 10-10-2009, 03:00 PM

Mostly, I will say I feel your pain. Our oldest is a 17 year old daughter and the past two years have been dreadful; difficult beyond anything we could have imagined. Two things, though. One is that your daughter is, in enough ways, "of age", and mistakes she may be making are hers to make. It is difficult to let go, when you want so much to still be guiding, but she is considered old enough. You can choose to keep the door open, and hold on for dear life, that she does not do something so irreversible. Or, you can get locked in a battle of wills, holding fast to the fact that you know what is best but losing out because she is still going to do what she wants.

We had to make it clear the door was open for our daughter to walk through, and the reality of leaving scared her. Things are still difficult, but calmer; she is starting to realize we are not the enemy, and as difficult as it has been for us, we have accepted that we can no longer force her hand. It is her life and her choice. We will guide her when she seeks it, but we just pray that she learned enough along the way to make good decisions, when push comes to shove.

I'm sorry you are going through this and I wish you much luck navigating your way.

ardita · 10-10-2009, 03:03 PM

I am also sorry for all the physical pain you are enduring. I will keep my fingers crossed that you do not feel pressured to fall off the wagon, as far as your weight loss.

dolphin12969 · 10-10-2009, 04:37 PM

Thank you for all the works of encouragement. What's made this so much harder is, I never saw it coming. I have been so blessed with her. She has never caused me anywhere near the teenage drama that I caused my parents. We were always close. I've been a single mom most of her life & it was always us together facing whatever came our way. I just wanted so much more for her. Now she's living with parents that don't think it's all that important for her to get a degree in order to make an even better, more stable future for herself.

I'm not worried about going off track with my weight loss, since the pain I'm in keeps intensifying in waves causing me to throw up anything I eat. I'm sipping fluids so I can stay hydrated. This whole situation just sucks!

jenn75 · 10-11-2009, 07:43 AM

Just wanted to say that I'm sorry for what's going on in your life...medical and with your daughter. I'm not a mother so I can't really contribute with any meaningful advice or an "I understand what you're going through" kind of statement, but just saying that I hope you find the support you need, here and otherwise, and that your medical issues dissipate soon!

Highlandlass · 10-11-2009, 02:23 PM

Hi, Holy smokes, when it rains it pours, doesn't it? You sure have my sympathy with what has happened - the fall and your daughter leaving home. I agree with the others that she is going to learn the hard way. I have a feeling she may be home very soon, since I'm sure she will miss you too. Its awful to be broadsided with her leaving like that .... it was quite unfair of her to let you know in a text message. Keep the lines open and never ever stop talking about all and everything with her. The teen years are sure not easy - when mine were little I dreaded the "terrible twos", but not many people let you know that the teen years are definitely worse.