My mother...lack of support - Page 3 - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

GoolyMoogly · 10-08-2009, 11:40 AM

I am sorry to hear that. That is really unfortunate. One should be able to count on ones mother. I made the decision to keep my surgery private. I did not want to have to deal with any potential negative types.

GoolyMoogly · 10-08-2009, 11:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Socalmomof2grownkids

Now that I am losing weight, my mother just loves me now, always hated me when I was fat, and sure made me know it too.

Now she call's me pretty, not her plumpgirl. Go Figure!

OMG I feel like my mother is ashamed of me and so proud of my skinny sister. When ever people call me pretty my mother responds" Oh you should see the younger one!" ...yeah, true story. She has always disliked any kind of fatness and is one of those types of people that EXCLAIMS when she sees someone who has gained weight. She did that to me too, even in front of people. I still love her and realize its ignorance and shallowness on her part. She is pretty supportive in other ways. She and my sister live abroad so they won't see until I am SUPA FLY!!! LOL

GoolyMoogly · 10-08-2009, 11:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mlwberger

WOW...so it isn't just me!

I called her and asked her to check her messages at lunch because I was going to have my husband call her and let her know how I did through surgery. She said, oh no, you are really doing it. This is so ridiculous, you and I just don't think a like...blah blah blah. I just shut down. I never do anything to her approval. I guess being the child from the first marriage still holds a lot of resentment for her.

I sware I was switched at birth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh hugs. Do this for yourself and your health. Stuff what anyone else thinks.

Aomiel · 10-09-2009, 07:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GracieBelle

I think these Mom's/friends etc., are displaying fear. You will change, & that scares them. Atm, they know who & what you are, & where the relationship sits. Sub-consciously, they are becoming aware that you will not only physically change, that you will change emotionally, spiritually & mentally (thx Dr Phil).

Gracie,

Tell the truth now. You do counselling for a living, yes?

Seriously, I love reading your posts. They're encouraging and insightful. I'm new here but looking forward to more of your posts.

.

Aomiel · 10-09-2009, 07:30 AM

My mom and I have always had a rocky relationship but better now because I've learned that she really is a very self-centered person. It's all about her and is getting worse as she ages. Better now because I've learned to deal with her on a surface level. I just don't let her get under my skin anymore, nor do I give her the opportunity to do so.

I wasn't an overweight child, but put on 50 lbs in one year at the age of 13. From that time forward, even though she also struggled with her weight, she was quite proud...and quite verbal to anyone who would listen...that she weighed less than me. When people mistook me for her sister (when I was in my late teens), she'd go on and on and repeat this episode to anybody else who would listen. It never occurred to her how badly she was hurting me.

Over the years, whenever I dieted, she'd try to sabotage me in little ways while being 'supportive' of my efforts and while also going on a diet because, God forbid, I should actually lose weight and weigh less than her. When my diet fell through, she'd quit dieting as well.

Currently, my weight is 260. Hers is 240. When she found out 3 weeks ago that I was getting a lap band, she immediately went on a diet. While I'm pleased because it means she'll also take off the weight, I can't help a teeny bit of an evil laugh and thought that she won't be able to quit this time. My son said if she falls off her diet, perhaps I should offer her my 'fat clothes' as I shrink out of them. He figures that will motivate her.

I'm so going to hell for that last thought.

.

Laureate · 10-09-2009, 07:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aomiel

My son said if she falls off her diet, perhaps I should offer her my 'fat clothes' as I shrink out of them. He figures that will motivate her. I'm so going to hell for that last thought.

.

Maybe. But I might have to join you for enjoying it so much! Thanks for the good laugh!

Amilea · 10-09-2009, 08:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aomiel

My son said if she falls off her diet, perhaps I should offer her my 'fat clothes' as I shrink out of them. He figures that will motivate her.

I'm so going to hell for that last thought.

.

ROFLMAO!

Can't say much for your mom, but you have been blessed with an incredible son!

UndercoverDiva · 10-09-2009, 02:11 PM

Ah, moms! Gotta love 'em! My mom was forever sabotaging my diets...diets she would tell me I needed to go on. I would start a diet, then within the week, she would be offering me cakes, cookies, etc., saying "a little won't hurt you."

When I told her about my surgery, she did express concern, but she was and has been very supportive. I'm sorry for those of you whose mothers have been less than supportive, but please know you have the support of a lot of people on this board.