what do you say? How to explain WLS is ok & necessary? - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

everleigh · 09-17-2009, 11:33 PM

I know there have been other threads about this but I have a more specific question... what do you say to convince people that WLS is ok?

I haven't even gotten to go to a seminar yet & today decided to confide in a friend that I'm going to be looking into lapband. My dh knows of course but so far that's it. My friend, who has battled weight just as I have as who I feel the most kindred to in weight issues went on for over an hr as to why it was unsafe, not smart, & unnecessary.

She said very calmly that she had no alterior motive- she just cared about me. I don't know what to think. Here I am just trying to get used to the idea of surgery & already I have to defend it?

What do you guys say? I basically explained my reasons but ended feeling like they weren't good enough.

The one thing she said that absolutely killed me was when she asked what about my daughter- what if something happens to me? My daughter is almost 2 btw.

I gotta figure out a good 'blurb' way of responding. My family is coming to visit this weekend & I plan on telling them.

How/what do you say?

Lynette · 09-18-2009, 12:03 AM

Personally, I don't try to convince anyone of anything because when you go into it with that mentality they view it as a debate in which you are asking for their opinion. If you don't want their opinion, then don't ask and if you do want their opinion, don't be upset when they give it.

I just said this is what I am doing, this is why I am doing it, and the people I told know me well enough that I don't make rash decisions and have educated myself thoroughly before hand. Not one single person questioned my decision.

Crimson Kittie · 09-18-2009, 03:26 AM

I was lucky .. everyone was fairly supportive of me. They were concerned .. which they have every right to be ... This is not an easy thing to go through and their can be complications. But they saw how badly I needed help and needed some drastic change in the way my health was going.

It's like open heart surgery ... it's dangerous but it saves lives.

This surgery saved my life and that is how I express it. People leave it at that.

I think I am lucky because I have spent the last 5 years cutting the negative critical people out of my life.

I'm sure if I was still married I would have heard all sorts of negativity from his side .. they are ignorant, mean spirited people.

It's my life and I DON'T have to put up with YOUR bullshit

Claire-in-Texas · 09-18-2009, 04:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by everleigh

I know there have been other threads about this but I have a more specific question... what do you say to convince people that WLS is ok?

I haven't even gotten to go to a seminar yet & today decided to confide in a friend that I'm going to be looking into lapband. My dh knows of course but so far that's it. My friend, who has battled weight just as I have as who I feel the most kindred to in weight issues went on for over an hr as to why it was unsafe, not smart, & unnecessary.

She said very calmly that she had no alterior motive- she just cared about me. I don't know what to think. Here I am just trying to get used to the idea of surgery & already I have to defend it?

What do you guys say? I basically explained my reasons but ended feeling like they weren't good enough.

The one thing she said that absolutely killed me was when she asked what about my daughter- what if something happens to me? My daughter is almost 2 btw.

I gotta figure out a good 'blurb' way of responding. My family is coming to visit this weekend & I plan on telling them.

How/what do you say?

Don't try to convince anyone of anything. Make a decision, and TELL people. When they protest, change the subject. Or don't tell them - your choice.

I never made that an issue. I made an educated and thoughtful decision, was backed totally by my husband, and nothing else mattered.

Don't ask permission to live your life as best you can. It's YOUR life. Live it!

Vikkator · 09-18-2009, 06:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Claire-in-Texas

Don't try to convince anyone of anything. Make a decision, and TELL people. When they protest, change the subject. Or don't tell them - your choice.

I never made that an issue. I made an educated and thoughtful decision, was backed totally by my husband, and nothing else mattered.

Don't ask permission to live your life as best you can. It's YOUR life. Live it!

Just what I was going to say. This is a totally personal decision. You don't have to justify or explain it to anyone. My husband and children did not want me to have this surgery, but they abided by my decision and have been very supportive. My children are adults, but were scared for me nonetheless.

Now they are all thrilled with the results. My kids are constantly singing my praises and they realize I made the right decision for me. This surgery has transformed my life and I believe the rest of my life is going to be a whole lot better than it would have been because I made this decision.

jad0327 · 09-18-2009, 09:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by everleigh

I know there have been other threads about this but I have a more specific question... what do you say to convince people that WLS is ok?

I haven't even gotten to go to a seminar yet & today decided to confide in a friend that I'm going to be looking into lapband. My dh knows of course but so far that's it. My friend, who has battled weight just as I have as who I feel the most kindred to in weight issues went on for over an hr as to why it was unsafe, not smart, & unnecessary.

She said very calmly that she had no alterior motive- she just cared about me. I don't know what to think. Here I am just trying to get used to the idea of surgery & already I have to defend it?

What do you guys say? I basically explained my reasons but ended feeling like they weren't good enough.

The one thing she said that absolutely killed me was when she asked what about my daughter- what if something happens to me? My daughter is almost 2 btw.

I gotta figure out a good 'blurb' way of responding. My family is coming to visit this weekend & I plan on telling them.

How/what do you say?

OK...definately. Necessary...not. Its an option, just like the hundreds of other weight loss options out there. There is no right or wrong answer for everyone. There are choices. I don't try to convince people that its necessary. Its was a choice I made after many years of struggling and yo-yoing with my weight. I'd just tell her thank you for your concern but I feel this is an option I have to investigate and make my own decision regarding. Its important to educate yourself. Chances are your friend has read some horror stories and never really looked into the option.

poet_kelly · 09-18-2009, 09:27 AM

You are never going to be able to convince some people. You can explain that while there is a risk of complications (including death), you are at greater risk of dying from morbid obesity. As far as whether it's necessary, you can explain that studies show it is the most effective treatment out there for morbid obesity. But some people are not going to agree with you that it's a good thing to do, no matter how many facts you give them. Then you just have to say, "I have decided that this is what's right for me, and I would really appreciate your support." And know that you may or may not get that support.

Kelly

kai's_mom · 09-18-2009, 10:08 AM

You don't have to explain your decision to anyone!! It is not their business, unless they are paying for part of the procedure, or a member of your immediate family! And even then, it's still your body!
For instance, I didn't tell anybody, but my closest friends and family! I didn't even tell my GRANDMOTHER, and she lives with my mom, and I see her everyday!! She is very judgemental, and can't hold water.... I don't feel that anyone's opinion matters, I am not ashamed of what I have done, I do know though, that stress can effect healing... and constant comments for me is stressful! So I avoided all of that, and did me! Now a year out and about 130lbs gone, people don't care how I got it off, just that I look and feel fabulous!
Do you mama!! If you are comfortable with your decision, then GREAT!!!

Debz · 09-18-2009, 11:01 AM

First of all, I have to say that in hindsight, I would have told a lot less people. I didn't realize how much of a talking point my surgery would be with the people that know me.

That being said, for those you do chose to tell you just need to put it out there that you've made an informed decision and that you need their support if they're willing to give it and their silence if they're not. You might mention that you've done your homework and are convinced that this is the right thing for you but it isn't necessarily the right thing for someone else.

I have come up with a brief explanation of exactly what was done to my body when I had my surgery and leave it at that. It's not my responsibility to educate the world on WLS, and it's not yours either. Perhaps if there's a web site that helped you understand your surgery, you could refer people to that.

everleigh · 10-01-2009, 04:08 AM

It was just what I needed to hear! Thank you all. It's just so frustrating because I'm the type of person who usually puts her life out there & shares with family & friends good times & bad times (and they with me.)

I had been struggling with telling anyone & the moment I share with a friend who I thought would get it & understand, I feel shut down.

My parents, on the other hand, were suprisingly good about it.. they actual bordered on not caring at all! (hmmm?)

I told my mom & husband that I feel like a liar if I don't tell people but telling people comes with lots of problems too. I've started to think maybe I won't be telling anyone else until/if/when I get the surgery & until/when/if it becomes obvious.

Thank you all again so much! I appreciate the comments.