mistymee

I'll echo what Ms.Nei has to say that you'll basically be trading one insecurity for another - fat --> for loose, saggy baggy skin and droopy breasts, perhaps a low hanging pannus, etc, etc.. so you really do need to get a handle on this situation, best even before you go through surgery. You need to find a way to build your self-esteem though ways other than what your body looks like.

It's HARD.. I won't say otherwise.. but he loves you for who YOU ARE.. and not how your body looks. Otherwise, he wouldn't look to be intimate with you.

I know how hard it is, I'm still very self-conscious of how I look... (see the 'shorts' thread for some of that! lol) but he is your husband and he probably loves you very much and probably misses your intimacy.

Talk to him about this.. it isn't affecting just you.. it is also affecting him AND your marriage. You owe it to him to be open and honest about your feelings and if you can't get over this alone, then you owe it to him (as well as yourself!!!) to seek counseling to help.

One thing at the psyche eval where they ask you 'are you prepared for the amount of skin'... and they showed pictures and 'yes, I can live with that'.. but wow.. I was sooo not prepared for how much it affected me emotionally. Here I was finally in a more normal sized body but my skin is still a size 3/4 XL. That's a trip, I tell ya.

So, please... do what you can to start loving yourself for the person you are, not what you look like.

Good luck, hon..

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Melissah

Thanks you all for the great advice! It is well taken.

And about loose skin... lol...as liong as I look good with my clothes on I am fine. I have researched tummy tuck and that will be about as much as I can afford after I lose my weight.

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www.myspace.com/oopsmysquirrelisburning

LizzieShell

I sure understand that... I am way more self conscious about my body now. Between that and the loss of my sex drive, my poor DH does not know what to think

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Type: Lap RNY
surgery date - 10/31/08 -BOO-
Highest weights:
340 (1995) & 320 (2001)
12/07 - pre-op - current - my goal
285 - 245 - 138 - 135
Onederland 1/9/09
Unofficial Century 2/8/09
Post-Surgery Century Club - 6/26/09

"What you think of me is none of my business." - Terry Cole-Whittaker

mistymee

Lizzie.. don't know where you are in the whole "menopause" thing.. but if you're dealing with any of those.. as well as the loss of sex drive.. try the supplement that Corrine has recommended.. Macca Root.

I have a high sex drive to start with and I was going nutso when DH and I weren't communicating very well on the whole 'intimacy' issue. It's sorted out now but dayum.. lol. He's liking that particular side effect.

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Rebirth_103008

It doesn't help that I have chronic gas that I cannot control (even during those special moments). I brought this to my doctor's attention and he could not understand my concern . . .

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--Ms. Nei
342/309/302/209
Highest/Before Liquid Diet/Before Surgery/Current
Roux-en-Y Surgery Date: 10/30/08

Official Century Club Member (as of 8/23/09)

foxyfuzz

For sure talk to him.

There are products out there that can help increase your arousal. Not jus the pills either. There are creams sold like through Pure Romance that you apply to the area and it will increase blood flow and therefore increase your arousal. Safe and healthy, not like those strange blue pills that you see on tv. AND THEY WORK!!! ALL THE TIME! Trust me, not only am I a consultant, but also a product tester and user.

The excess skin thing is an issue for me also. I think it is for everyone. Good luck and big HUGS.

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Cerissa

Never regret something done with affection; something born with a true heart will never be wasted

Sometimes you have to forget how you feel, and remember what you deserve.

313 / 298.5 / 169 / 150
Start/Day of surgery/Current/Goal

Surgery on 12/18/2008