..... - Page 2 - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

rachalrg · 06-17-2009, 06:52 AM

Jersey my love...I'm sorry to hear things aren't getting better for you...
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
I know how it feels to have a jacked up sister...mine is Schizo-Affective.. meaning she is Schizophrenic and Bipolar..FUNFUNFUN let me tell ya
someone mentioned that your mom sees one sibling holding it together and the other falling apart and is reaching for the one that needs help...I can agree with that...BUT...if she's dumping on you at the same time, it's not right...
I'm glad to read that you're talking with your dad, your friend or whomever to try and get away....BELIEVE ME! getting away is the best thing you can do for yourself..my husband joined the Army and we got stationed over here in Germany...BEST THING EVER! My mental health has never been this good...getting away helped me disconnect from my crazy family (not just my sister BTW..my entire family is a Jerry Springer SEASON)
Much love girl...PM me or email me or whatever if you ever need someone to talk to...

jerseygrl684 · 06-17-2009, 06:55 AM

delete meeeeee

nextbigloser · 06-17-2009, 06:58 AM

(((hugs))) I don't have any advice for you but take care and do what you feel in your heart is right.

txchick1971 · 06-17-2009, 07:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jerseygrl684

that whole line made the sentence. I need to be kelly... Not everyones emotional dropoff point. I could easily move my shit in a storage shed or even his garage and live in his room, but its not my house.. Its his parents, and with the looks of hes prob goin to academy in aug.. Id be alone again.

come stay with me for a while!!!! :d ....love ya girl, hang in there and worry about taking care of yourself...that's all you can do

Mandalagirl · 06-17-2009, 10:13 AM

Oh Kelly,

I have SO been there! My little sister had alot of issues when we were younger also. Ran away, told mom to screw off..mooched off us for YEARS. I would feel so angry because my mother would go running for her and tell me to deal with my own stuff on my own.

I can't say it will change. It took me moving the hell out of there and getting my own place before I could have a decent relationship with either one of them. It still sucks. Sis is married and is doing very well now, but doesn't do squat for my mom and it hurts her alot. She is hardly there for me either. I do all this stuff for my mother ALL the time. I watch my handicapped aunt who lives with her while she is on business trips. My sister, if the subject is brought up doesn't even offer to help or even calls while my aunt is at my house. I think she is being totally selfish. In a sense I am very jealous she can do that. But I am not like her. Tell me why, I put all this effort into this and still be second to my sister? My mother still bends over backwards for her. I then realized Kelly, that I am jealous. I am jealous because I feel I have to "do" all these things to win my mothers affection. I really do not. But I still do it. I dont know if you have any of these kind of feelings, but living in that situation is not going to make things any better, ever. Moving out and doing stuff on your own, and putting the space there will do you wonders.

It is not a matter of what you can handle now Kelly. It is a matter of how much are you going to take before you put YOU in the hospital from being too stressed, sick and not eating?

You know I'll be here for you. Hit me up if you need me k?

LyndasRoom · 06-17-2009, 10:20 AM

Cripes, honey...as a mom, I just don't get the way you're being treated. It's time to start making decisions for you...like Lisa said, "be Kelly"...you are stronger than you know.

Jeanie · 06-17-2009, 10:23 AM

Can you move in with your Dad for a little while? I'm thinking your mom doesn't even realize what she is doing. Right now she's thinking about your sister and thinking that you are just being a "brat".

When you are gone she will really think hard about what was going on. It may take awhile but she will realize that she's hurt you. As far as your sister maybe you can tell her doc about her drug problem, maybe he can talk to your mom & sister about it and get your sister help. They don't have to know it was you that said anything.
Good luck I hope that you can figure out life in general. I would say get out as soon as you can. Maybe a friend has an extra room that you can live in for cheap until you find something else. Or take the offer to go live in TX for a little while. I mean if the bf is going to be away WHY do you need to stay in NJ while he is gone. Just my 2 cents. Good luck to you.

jerseygrl684 · 06-17-2009, 10:31 AM

delete meeeeee

jerseygrl684 · 06-17-2009, 10:31 AM

delete meeeeee

JustJoy · 06-17-2009, 10:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jerseygrl684

i'm not looking for pity or anything.. i think i kinda need to just get this off my chest.

So, as you all know my sister has been sick from post-op WLS complications. Multiple surgeries, pain, picc lines, not being able to disgest anything.. etc etc. Well in some of my posts I care, and in some i'm very blah about her.

Since the age of 13, my sister has been absolute HELL. Running away, being arrested(multiple times), sent to juvi, sent to a group home, sent to something called Carrier clinic (in nj), moved to my dads, has never held a job down for more than a week if that, moved out to her bfs, bf broke up, she moved home, moved with her friend to an apt (which my mom paid/pays) for, ruined her car, got a new car from mom, got dui, mom paid for lawyers/tickets/etc. She's now smoking a pack a day and smoking weed.

Basically my mom has dropped her entire life for this girl who is on a downward spiral. I dont know if shes addicted to the drugs or what, but on fri night at 2 am she went into this screaming psychotic episode about this bug in the bathroom and pushed herself into my room and tried to kill me. Mom actually jusitfies it. It blows my mind. Today is what threw me over the edge. They aparently went to the doctor and they told her that they dont know if she will ever get better. My mom proceeds to tell me "you're heartless, you dont know what it's like to have someone tell u that about ur kid, your sis just got an eviction notice"... So she was like can you watch the pup, while we foodshop, i said... oh thanks, no food for me? jokingly.. shes like ' ARE YOU DYING? NO I DONT THNK SO"

So they came home, my sister was on another episode of psychoticness, and I was yelling back.. mom hit me and i was like THAT IS IT, IVE HAD IT YOU ARE AN ENABLER AND IT NEEDS TO STOP. YOU HAVE 2 KIDS, DO YOU FAIL TO REMEMBER THAT FOR THE PAST 10 YRS?

I don't know what else to do.. Really I am at a point of no return. It kills me to go through this.. My own mother basically is like "fck off" and just throwing away everything she works for.. for this kid. I don't know what I can handle. I continue to job hunt, but i will not move in with my bf (we arent ready for that), but right now im unemployed and just.. I dont think I can move into the new place with mom when we make the move. I don't know what way to turn, im not sleeping.. i have horrible pains in my stomach, im sick to my stomach. Honestly i'm not a bad kid at all. I may be a bitch on here at times, but I am trying to change. I just feel so alone within my own family, it kills me.

I dont know how many of you even made it this far, but thanks for listening. I'm just at a loss right now more than anything.

Kelly,

I am sorry to hear you're stuck in such a toxic situation. I'm going to say a few things that you may not like or want to hear but please understand this is coming from a place of compassion and from personal experience.

You have the right to feel safe in your own home and I don't get the impression that you do, I certainly wouldn't. What your mother and sister have done to you is assault and battery. I understand that you may not want to report it due to your circumstances and them being family.

You deserve better treatment, unfortunately your mother doesn't sound capable of giving it to you and frankly, it sounds like your sister needs some serious psychiatric help.

If I were you, I would at least give some serious consideration to a temporary move with your boyfriend so you can be safe. I understand that you feel it isn't an option yet but your wellfare is at risk here. You say you're sick and not sleeping, your mother and sister are both abusive toward you in one way or another, this is not healthy. You have to take care of yourself and getting out of a toxic situation is part of doing that. I can tell that you feel very stuck, I understand, but it's imperative that you focus on solving your problem so you can feel better and focus on being healthy, not just physically either but mentally and emotionally too.

My mother was horrible as I was growing up, she was physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive to both me and my sister but she went easier on my sister because my sister was her favorite. About a year or so ago, after a lifetime of trying to earn my mother's love and respect I realized that she wasn't going to change. She's a toxic person and as an adult I get to choose what type of people are allowed into my life. I haven't spoken to my mother in well over six months and I can't tell you how relieved I feel. I don't feel like there's a dark cloud hanging over me anymore. I don't have a drama storm in my life anymore and it feels great.

I wish I had an easy solution for you. I honestly wish you all the best and much luck in your job search.

Take care of you.