Needing support!! - ThinnerTimes

HAMPTON5555 · 07-10-2005, 07:20 PM

Hello my stapler friends!!

I am having a psycological problem and was hoping to get some in put. My shrink has been MIA since surgery and well, to be honest...I think I am losing sight of certain things.

O.K., here goes. I first started seeing my counselor about 2 years ago. My catalyst was dealing with isuues around men. I am happily married, and love my husband with all my heart, and he me.

So what is the problem? Well, I really feel uncomfortable when I see a man looking at me. The weird thing is I never really know why he is looking. In my younger days I could assume..but now at my age and my previous weight (and even current weight) I would be thinking negative thoughts, and maybe they are seeing me as a freak or disgusting. Even though I had guys tell me nice things. Complete strangers. Now that I have lost weight, it is more often. Guys are so bold. They stare and watch and my goodness, how they get anything done is beyond me!!

So, why this is a greater concern, is that I am leaving for New York on Friday and last time I went, a limo driver proposed to me...yes at the volumptuous weight of 285 pounds!! I feel like now I am more exposed and more vulnerable and yet I like it too!!! I am so confused and scared and flatterrred all at the same time!!

I know part of this is due to an abuse situation that occured when I was 16, pretty much the age I was when the weight problem really surged. I gained 30 pounds in 2 months after the incident and never uttered a word about it untill I got married and told my husband.

so now the whole world knows my freaky mind and the scary place called my head!!

But, I really need to feel safe and less vulnerable. My shrink once said maybe guys aproach me because I look vulnerable...huh? I never understood that. I never really get it, and why are they so verbal???

Help, please!

Rain

Meaghan · 07-10-2005, 08:34 PM

Rain,

I understand how you feel... but I'd guess men approach you because your are a gorgeous woman and probably look "approachable" or the very least friendly.

Men are a mystery to me, but I'm sure it's they are taken with your looks, smile and "glow"! I know I have my own issues with this area - actually with anyone who looks at me, I automatically think they are thinking really bad things about me which makes me feel like I'm a freak - at least with extra weight I could rationalize it in my head they were staring because I was fat and felt okay with that because I felt so bad about my weight it made it okay. (sick thinking I know).

Hang in there - maybe try to find another pyschologist? I know I could use one - but it gets so tiring reliving it all! You know what they say about people,others find really attractive - it's your inner beauty shining through that people are just drawn to you!

Blueyz · 07-10-2005, 10:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HAMPTON5555

Hello my stapler friends!!

I am having a psycological problem and was hoping to get some in put. My shrink has been MIA since surgery and well, to be honest...I think I am losing sight of certain things.

O.K., here goes. I first started seeing my counselor about 2 years ago. My catalyst was dealing with isuues around men. I am happily married, and love my husband with all my heart, and he me.

So what is the problem? Well, I really feel uncomfortable when I see a man looking at me. The weird thing is I never really know why he is looking. In my younger days I could assume..but now at my age and my previous weight (and even current weight) I would be thinking negative thoughts, and maybe they are seeing me as a freak or disgusting. Even though I had guys tell me nice things. Complete strangers. Now that I have lost weight, it is more often. Guys are so bold. They stare and watch and my goodness, how they get anything done is beyond me!!

So, why this is a greater concern, is that I am leaving for New York on Friday and last time I went, a limo driver proposed to me...yes at the volumptuous weight of 285 pounds!! I feel like now I am more exposed and more vulnerable and yet I like it too!!! I am so confused and scared and flatterrred all at the same time!!

I know part of this is due to an abuse situation that occured when I was 16, pretty much the age I was when the weight problem really surged. I gained 30 pounds in 2 months after the incident and never uttered a word about it untill I got married and told my husband.

so now the whole world knows my freaky mind and the scary place called my head!!

But, I really need to feel safe and less vulnerable. My shrink once said maybe guys aproach me because I look vulnerable...huh? I never understood that. I never really get it, and why are they so verbal???

Help, please!

Rain

Rain~

I hope you are ok....call me or PM me if you need anything....I am having the blues lately, so I may not be of much help....but I am in your neighborhood.

veroniquetalk · 07-11-2005, 06:37 AM

I think what you are feeling is perfectly natural. I remember last time I lost weight I went out with my sister when we were on vacation and got a lot of attention. I couldn't figure it out. In my mind I was still the overweight, depressed, frumpy woman I had been for soooooo long. I thought the men were approaching me on a dare or something from one of their buddies (sad, huh?) When we got home from vacation and I saw the pictured my sister had taken of me that night I was a totally different woman in them. I looked beautiful, confident, sexy and on top of th world! It was sort of like when you see yourself in a window and are shocked at what you see - your self image doesn't match what you look like. Unfortunately, I let the attention from men go to my head and thought my husband didn't appreciate me because he rarely told me I was beautiful or attractive (he did, however, always make me feel sexy even when I was way overweight). It caused problems in our marriage and we separated. We are living together again and hopefully won't go through the same thing again. You are already many steps ahead of me in that you KNOW you love your husband and he loves you and you are happily married. I think you can find a great balance between taking the attention too seriously and being afraid of it. Enjoy it for what it is - men telling you that you are a hot commodity! Even if they can't have it!

Pixie · 07-11-2005, 08:57 AM

*Hugs* We are all here for you Rain!

bridgetgirl · 07-11-2005, 10:44 AM

Its totally natural what you are going through Rain, it really is. i went through it and just went to Dr C's early post op support meeting with Dr Bryant, she really helped me through it. She suggests keeping your head up and looking back! men are looking at you because you are ATTRACTIVE! Get used to it sugar pea, you are a gorgeous woman! Dr Bryant told me flat out, the only way to go back to being "comfortable" about not being looked at is to become fat again, there is no way I want that so she told me I had to learn to accept who I am NOW!

I suggest going to her, at the early support group meeting. If ya like i will join you, met ya there! I know folks have their opinions about Dr Bryant, but she Really helped me through the "uncomfortable" stage.

Every now and again I slip back into, putting my hea down, poor posture, etc to try and hide.... but I am aware that this is one of my weaknesses, being uncomfortable with being attractive. So I have to walk with my head up and look back at those looking at me, now its easier to deal with.. with time, it will get easier I promise. These days I have a great boyfriend, so the stares dont mean much to me anymore. I like knowing that there is someone into me, for me.. like your husband is into you. Knowing that makes it easier for me, do you think it makes it easier for you?

Talk to you soon you beautiful creature, let me know if you want to meet up for support group with Dr Bryant....

Jennimaria · 07-11-2005, 10:56 AM

Girl I know exactly how you feel. Today when I went to my school there was this guy who kept starring and smiling at me. I felt so umcomfortable and I'm only down 20 pounds so far. I can't even imagine what it will be like later. The guy wasn't bad looking at all, it was just creepy.

You definetly are beautiful so they must have a reason to be looking at you

LizardQueen · 07-11-2005, 11:38 AM

Sweetie, I'm so sorry your feeling this way. I wish I knew what to say to help you. Maybe it is time to find a new psychologist? I think it is normal to be feel that way. Maybe you hsould just hold your head up high, let em say whatever and know you got what you want and home and they can't have you because you are too goood!

HAMPTON5555 · 07-12-2005, 05:59 PM

Thanks friends!!

I know, I know!!! I really need to stop being so abivilant to my self. I can't decide if I love me or hate me!!!

I appreciate all your kind words.

Being attractive is such a weird thing. Even saying it makes me feel like I am fooling myself. ha ha, the joke is on me, I am just a plain wall flower thinking way too much of myself.

Maybe I am like those awful singers on American Idol, who really think they can sing, but they really can not!!

I do not know, I guess the reality is that it really does not matter if someone finds me attractive or not. I just wish men could keep their eyes to themselves and then I wouldn't be wondering if they are liking what they see, or if they are grossed out!!

I take pride in making sure I look the best I can at all times, no matter my weight!! I am not going to stop 'cause of looky-loos!!

Thanks

Rain

Bridget, I may take you up on the offer to see Dr. Bryant. I will be travelling for the rest of July and early August, but I will be back 8-8-5. Lets get together and see what we can do.

bridgetgirl · 07-13-2005, 10:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HAMPTON5555

Thanks friends!!

Bridget, I may take you up on the offer to see Dr. Bryant. I will be travelling for the rest of July and early August, but I will be back 8-8-5. Lets get together and see what we can do.

Sounds good sugar pea! Keep rockin'a nd rollin" have a blast you sexy thang! Until we meet again!