The compliments... bitter sweet - ThinnerTimes

bridgetgirl · 07-06-2004, 12:12 PM

Christina I saw your post to Tonya about rolling your eyes about getting a compiment. I had no idea you were having a problem with this... I mean i know it's weird and all but I am so right there for you sister. Anyone having a difficult time adjusting? This man almost crashed his truck looking at me on the freeway today... wtf?! That is just really weird behavior ya know? I am definitely struggling with some issues..

1. People treating you diffrently because of your appearance
2. Old friends not reacting at all to your new appearance
3. Getting noticed, more attention, it makes me uncomfortable
4. I feel more visible now

Being a babe is really weird business... Tonya I saw one of your posts about ready to be a skinny person... that girlfriend is a new journey, especially like in my instance where I too have been heavy all my life. How is it for you Christina, you were thin in high school... is it easier to to deal? Do you still see yourself as fat now? Any other post ops with the same problems? What helped? Professional counseling or time... or both? Let me know what ya are thinking!

lealphachienne · 07-06-2004, 02:09 PM

I've always been a big flirt, so for me to start getting compliments again really is an ego boost

Even though I'm still 80 lbs overweight, I have more confidence which is helping me to get out and socialize. I went to a party this weekend and my husband mentioned that I didn't once moan and groan about what I was going to wear and that I was too fat to go out. I obsess less about how I look now. I figured out that I'm not as concerned about looks because I know I'm going to lose more weight and that my efforts WILL pay off this time. I will once again look and feel healthy and sexy. People have been telling me that I'm glowing all over, they wonder if I'm pregnant or something

brutherford · 07-06-2004, 02:28 PM

Compliments have always been hard for me, but I'm finding that it's easier the more I work at it. As one of my good friends said in February, "Sheesh, if I want you to shut up and run away, all I have to do is say you're beautiful!" I saw that same friend this past weekend, and she didn't even recognize me!

She said that she was wondering who that pretty young girl was! She says I look like I'm in my early 20's (she knows I'm 10 years older than that)!

Although the compliments still make me nervous, I can take them now without diminishing them, rolling my eyes, or feeling like I gotta get out of the room. It's taken almost five months of work though! Of course, I'm more comfortable with comments and praise from my husband, who can't seem to stay off of me nowadays!

I know that he's always loved me and always found me attractive, but he's definitely paying more attention to me now.

I've been seeing my therapist at least twice a month since the surgery. She and I have worked on many self image things over the past few years, and just last year I stopped panicking anytime someone "checked me out". That took some time, but the key for me was to stop and take a time out when I felt the panic to reflect on where the emotions came from. I realized that being "checked out" brought up a lot of shame, insecurity, and paranoia for me. When I thought about those things and where in my history they came from, I realized that I didn't need to feel that way. Talking to my therapist, family members, and friends really helped me to feel better.

I would love to hear what some of the older post-ops say about this subject. Essentially, I think of it as another muscle that hasn't been used very much, so needs some extra exercising. How's the status of your "compliment muscle?!"

CLAIRE · 07-07-2004, 01:15 AM

I Talked To My Supervisor The Other Day About What I Was Feeling. I Told Her That Getting All The Compliments I Get Now With Being So Much Smaller, From My Co-workers, Is A Mixed Blessing. I Get Anxious And Am Trying To Be Gracious And "take It In". Sometimes I Just Want To Run!!. The Other Day I Had To Go In Our Training Room And Get Away For A Moment Just To Breathe And Get My Anxiety Down. She Offered To Tell People Not To Do It So Much And I Told Her No That If I Want That I Will Tell Them Myself. I Want To Be Able To Accept Compliments About How I Look And Feel Good About It Too. It Is A Learned Response And Just New To Me.
I Have Been Working With This In Therapy And With My Partner. I Have Good Friends At Work I Can Talk To About It As Well. As Time Goes On It Is Geting Easier Than It Used To Be. No Mater What It Is Very Exciting This New Life And I Savor It All Including The Anxiety Because I Got A Compliment Hehe.
Btw....i Saw Kelly Today And We Discussed A Goal Weight For Me And Settle On 150lb. Not The Old Insurance Chart That Would Have Me At 115 Lb. This Feels Good To Me. Soooooo......

278/175/150

Claire

TabFox · 07-07-2004, 07:06 AM

Other than about a year in high school (starving myself with Dexatrim), I've always been fat. That short while when I was about a size 12, (and 15 years old) I received alot of attention. I have always had trouble with compliments. If a female friend says "hey, you look great"...that's fine. It's when men compliment me, then I have a problem, because sometimes, they feel the need to put their arm around my shoulders, or rub my back. UGH. I feel like saying "DON'T pet me...I'm not a labrador!" I don't like being touched. It gives me the willies! I'd love to hear how others deal with this also.

Tabitha
321/278/???
Open-5/26/04

bridgetgirl · 07-07-2004, 10:20 AM

Last night we were talking about how people hug differently now... like before it was a half ass hug, the huggers arms would go just a little beyond the shoulders, and maybe pat you a little... but now people pull you in more and their hands wrap around the back (well kind of). That's just so weird..... the therapist last night was saying we need to let things go.. hear what they say, say thank you and move on. She says not to think about it so much.
I felt soooooo much better after talking with her.

Christina · 07-07-2004, 12:39 PM

Bridget,

Dang I sure wish I could have stayed last night. By the time I got to my office the meeting was OVER!!! Ugh!!! And I was 2 minutes early!!! Go figure...

Anyway as far as taking compliments, they have always been hard for me to take. As a child I had my "chubby" moments but was not really fat. Then I thinned out really well during Jr. High and High School. I was always active in sports, student body, and cheerleading. So I hung around a lot of people who were pretty and of course had great figures..

I felt fat even then but I know now that I wasn't. So I don't know if I percieved myself that way because my breasts were always large making me feel fat.. ???

For me one bad relationship started my weight gaining process.. not the relationship, but how I coped with it I should say. I don't remember now what it was like to be thin. It has been way too many years so I can't help you out there. I know that I now cope with my problems in a different way then I have before... no more oreo's in the nightstand drawer to help me cope.. lol

I guess I don't really know how to answer the question, it seems as if no matter how big I was everyone accepted me and loved me I think mainly because of my personality??? I have always been an easy going fun loving person with a warped sense of humor that some appreciate and some don't but I am me no matter what. Now when people say things I don't know how to take it. But, I am working on it..

Midntsgirl · 07-07-2004, 01:23 PM

Hello all. I know that for me the compliments I got both as a child and as a grown up were few and far between. Things like, "You have such a pretty face", and "If you could only lose a few pounds, you'd be so much prettier"...I HATED THAT!! Now as I'm starting to lose weight...people are starting to notice me more. Most of the time I try to blow it off or change the subject real quick. My best friend is always calling me "Slim" and "Skinny" and saying that I look good. I try to accept the compliments, but usually I just laugh and say "Whatever". I try to tell him that after 23 years of hearing only negative things about myself I closed my ears to pretty much everything and eventhough I hear what he's telling me, I have a hard time believing it. EVENTUALLY, though, I will be able to hear and believe all the positive things I hear.

bridgetgirl · 07-09-2004, 02:13 AM

I feel ya Brenda I use to HATE that more than ANYTHING! Funny thing, now I dont hear it anymore....

Okay, okay yesterday I got a compliment... you know the one we all hear "Hey skinny" and I tried to down play it saying, oh no I sure do have alot more to go... then I thought..Im a figgin idiot, wasnt I paying attention to what was said at the meeting the night before? I didnt beat myself over it too much. Then today I went to lunch with a couple of friends, one who I havent seen in a couple of months and she told me I looked great... ya wanna know what I did? I said thank you, and moved right along! I did it, and it felt okay! Yeehaw! I hope I do as well tomorrow, we see 60 patients.. so thats about 30 new reactions.... chin up, shoulders back.. Im going in..

Midntsgirl · 07-09-2004, 10:28 AM

You know what else is really starting to bother me?? When people come up to me and pull at my clothes. "Those used to be tight on you", "What happened to those pants", "Where are you disappearing to" I mean I know the intentions are good, but I just can't stand the attention. I like to be the center of attention, but not when the attention is centered on my weight. Do I make any sense??? Anyone feel the same??