Dreading my friends wedding - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

Kristen · 06-01-2005, 06:00 PM

Hi everyone,

Ok right now I feel like a complete arse! One of my very good friends is getting married on the 10th. I haven't seen her or her fiance that I introduced her to since about a month after my surgery(we still talk all the time), as well as the other 50 or so people that I will know that will be at this wedding. I moved from Nor Cal to So cal not to long after my surgery so there are a lot of people whom I haven't had any visual contact with.

The problem is that even after almost three years post opt, I really don't want to go an to answer everyone's questions as to "what happened to me!"

Don't get me wrong I am not ashamed that I had the surgery, it's just that after 3 years I find it difficult to keep talking about the surgery and explaining it to people especially those who I haven't seen in a long time, or that I barely know in passing.

For some reason it seems like if you have lost weight that sometimes people tend to think it's an open invitation to ask very personal questions. I don't mind talking to someone about the surgery if they seem generally interested and want to learn more, it's just not something I think I want to talk about during my friends wedding.

At a time when I should be ready to celebrate my friends wedding and look forward to the happy time, I am really dreading it and thinking that I might back out.

I know this must sound kinda crazy. I just don't want any of the attention about my WLS. I never thought after my surgery that I would dread a public outing, I always thought I would be happy to show off the improved thinner me. I guess right now in my life I just don't want to keep talking about it, a forum like this is perfect and I love to answer questions because of the basic understanding or I feel like maybe I am helping someone. But the general public aren't as up on the procedure nor are they as forgiving and understanding.

Maybe this is all hitting me because I moved away from most of my friends right after surgery, most of my new friends have never known me when I was heavy so it's never been an issue.

I feel so bad about this I just get so depressed thinking about it.

Any suggestions?

Kristen

watergirl · 06-01-2005, 08:23 PM

Go and hold your head up high! Girl you've over-come the odds, you've lost weight, you feel good, only share what you feel comfortable sharing.

I hope you can overcome the depressing thoughts and replace them with, "I'm HOT!".

Jeanie · 06-01-2005, 11:58 PM

You gotta go and show off your HOT new self. If someone says something just say thank you, but it's not about me today. You will regret it if you don't go.

Go and hold your head high. Besides you deserve some attention!

katlover66 · 06-02-2005, 12:37 AM

Kristin,
You don't have to explain yourself. Today I was talking to somebody and I mentioned that I had lost 155 pounds and the person said wow that is great. She never asked me how I lost it.She just congratulated me.

CiCi · 06-02-2005, 08:26 AM

I agree with everyone! If someone asks how you lost it, just tell them "Through lots of hard work!"

Have a great time at the wedding and let us know how it goes!

Traci

pambragg · 06-02-2005, 08:28 AM

Kristin,
Go to that wedding, hold your head high. You have earned this. I agree with the other posts....just say that today isn't about you or that you look this good thru a lot of hard work. GO, HAVE A GREAT TIME AND BE PROUD!

JJ Girl · 06-02-2005, 08:39 AM

Just say you lost it a long time ago!

Barbarajo · 06-02-2005, 09:04 AM

Kristen,

I agree with everyone else. You don't have to explain it to them. Yes they may ask questions. Just say I would love to talk to you about this but let's not talk about it today. Or just say thank you and move on and mingle. You really don't have to explain it anyone.

Be proud of yourself. You did this!!!!! You overcame the demons!!!! The surgery is just a tool. You made all the right choices from that day forward and still today. Some times when people ask questions it is because they are happy for you and want to celebrate your victory with you. And other times they ask because they have food demons as well and want tips on how to get them to go away.

You can pick and chose who to discuss this with. As my husband says just because the phone is ringing or just because someone asks a question does not mean you have to answer it.... LOL but true

Let us know how this works out.

Kristen · 06-02-2005, 09:14 AM

Thanks so much for the kind words and the encouragement. Even though I knew the answer it sometimes doesn't hit you until you hear it from someone else.

I guess sometimes (the farther away from the surgery I get) I forget what hard work it has been to lose the weight. I actually had someone once tell me that I took the easy way out. (No longer someone I converse with!)

Thanks so much for the good thoughts, and I will go and will have a great time, focus on the happy couple, be happy that I introduced two amazing friends who plan to spend their lives together and take lots of pictures!

Kristen

bridgetgirl · 06-02-2005, 11:22 AM

" There is nothing more upsetting, but thinking makes it so. "

This was something that was told to me MANY years ago, and I always remembered it. You are sitting here worrying yourself sick over the " what if's " Well, what if you go there and people arent totally freaking out? What if its really not going to be the " big scene " you fear it will be.

I say take a deep breath, and go. Stop worrying today about what may happen another day. Who knows, your changes, your life story may deeply effect someone there. You could become a an inspiration to some lonely soul.

Handle the "WOWS" and "WHAT HAPPENED" with the same grace you display here. I would respond, I had weightloss surgery. Keep your answers short as possible. Like when someone asks, Why did you do something so drastic? You could respond, I had to my weight alone was killing me. Just keep it simple, but I wouldnt say something like you lost through it through diet and exercise (because that is essentially what you did do) because then you will have anyone 15 pounds to 115 pounds asking you what you did to lose weight. What kind of diet, what kind of exercise, etc etc..... Thats just my 2 cents. I had a similar situation where I too was freaking out over an annual boat ride in the medical community. Ther are 100's of people that I interracred with for years who knew me fat, and then one year I showed up and was about 85 pounds lighter, this year they will see me 125 pounds lighter..... its nerve wracking, you will get back handed compliments but just smile and say Thank you, you'll get through this lil lady! I cant wait to hear the story about how the day went... keep us posted!