Has anyone else felt this way?.... - ThinnerTimes

Harleykitty · 09-27-2008, 03:25 PM

Okay, I'm not writing this to get fussed at. I want to know if anyone else has felt the same way I feel. If this is NORMAL, or if what I'm feeling is "dangerous" or not normal. If anyone has experienced this feeling can you tell me how to get over it (if it's not normal or dangerous)

Okay....I started out at 267lbs and around a size 24ish. When I was that size I said to myself, Boy, I would be happy being a size 12, thats the size I was in highschool and thats the size I wanna be again. Well the closer I got to a size 12 the more I though, "nope, I wanna be an 8-10" So I get to that point then I'm like "nope, I wanna be a size 6". Now I'm a size 6 and I'm still not happy. I think now I wanna be a siz 4. I've lost down to 132lbs. That is less than my original goal was. Howver I still feel fat. I still feel unhappy with myself. Don't get me wrong, I know I'm lost a lot of weight, I know I look a billion times better. But something inside me stills sees FAT FAT FAT. I can't really explain it. Everyone says "you don't need to loose any more weight" and some of my close family and friends are a little concerned that I feel I need to loose more weight, but it's like I don't believe what anyone tells me. I can't see what they see. I was talking to my husband last night about it and how I wanted to be a size 4. He said "Christin, if I remember correctly, back when you were larger you told me you'd give you life to just be a size 8" he said "and now you are a size 6, why are you not happy". He thinks I might be coming dangerously obsessed with this "loosing weight thing". I find myself in moments thinking, "boy you are so stupid, look how far you've come, look at how good you look". But then 2 mins later I'm in tears b/c I'm seeing fat again. It's like a battle in my brain. Sometimes I think more clearly and sometimes I don't. I guess I'm not thinking clearly now b/c I'm feeling the need to write this. Please can someone relate, or give me some advise. Be honest w/ me. Why do I still have negative feelings about myself and how do I change the way I see myself?

Baja Big Dog · 09-27-2008, 03:56 PM

Christin,

How is your health? Are you at the point where you are not taking care of yourself to achieve the "goals" either realistic, or unrealistic. Unrealistic being possibly you just cant physically get to. (structure wise). Is the goal consuming your thoughts?
I would take some time and talk to your primary, get a recommendation to see a psychologist, and do it now, this could be some way out form of depression, regardless, my advise would be to get some help now, don't wait, don't blow it off, just do it.
Dont risk all the hard work you have done, or risk any relationship issue that may come from these thoughts, and make sure the hubby is involved in any talks you may have with professionals, he may have some feelings that he is afraid to talk to you about.
There is a term for this from my physiology days, but my mind is a blank...get some help!!!!

jerseygrl684 · 09-27-2008, 03:57 PM

i think it may be an age thing.... i am 133lbs, a sz 2-4 and im still not happy with myself. i look in the mirror and i see fat and i point out every damn flaw i have. i lost 115lbs over the past 10 months.. and im still not happy. i have this amazing man who tells me im beautiful everyday and yet.... im not happy. if anyone has advice..please offer it. but i had to let u know girl, you are nottttttt alone. i promise u.

for me, being 24 yrs old and dealing with the emotional aspect of all this is very rough, something that maybe some of the older ppl on here dont understand... its not just this surgery, its dealing with all the other pressures that we go through at this age as well....

niseyweesee · 09-27-2008, 04:12 PM

I have the opposite of you 2...I feel skinny all the time!!! SERIOUSLY...I always have!!! I even dream that I am skinny!!!

Butttt I do know what you both are going through...have you ever tried going to an Overeaters Anon. meeting for Anorexics and Bulemics...believe me this will do you wonders!!! I went to one in another town from here and I was amazed at how much food plays with our heads!!! At the meeting one of the girls shared that she had been my size almost all her life and then she started to starve herself and loved the reaction she got from people saying how good she looked...until she got too thin!!! I too believe you both are in a depression...not I am not a Doctor I just see A LOT of them!!! I actually have 2 crazy doctors...I guess I am very crazy!!! he he he No for real though I have a therapist (listens and helps me sort theough ALL my ISSUES...according to her I have A LOT, but I feel normal!!!) and a psych dr. (she perscribes the crazy pill).

moniram8 · 09-27-2008, 04:24 PM

I am 5 months out and down 80 or so pounds and weigh around 170. I know that i am still overweight and need to lose around another 25 or so pounds. But i still see the old me all the time. My brain hasnt registered the weight loss yet either. Jersey is prob right with the age thing too....which doesnt apply to me since i am pushing 40...lol but younger people, esp girls have this strive toward perfection that can not be rivaled by anything in the world. we have spent so many years being 'fat' and that has in some ways become our identity. Its who we were for so long. So i am chalking it up to that it is going to take alot longer than the time we lose the weight to change how our brains took years to learn.
On the inside, deep inside we know we arent the same....we can see that when we look in the mirror or hold up our size 8, 6 or even size 4 pants. But the fat brain, i am assuming, is going to be there for a while.....i am hoping for all of us....that it goes away soon though....
you look fabulous BTW incredible actually.........good luck

veroniquetalk · 09-27-2008, 04:27 PM

I think this is normal. It is going to take your mind some time to catch up with your body. I would definately say that you should look at a BMI chart and compare your height to your weight and see if your BMI is within the "normal" range. If you are short like me, a size 4 (5'2") isn't out of the question.

Tisi'sFace · 09-27-2008, 04:28 PM

Hey Christin,

I haven't had my surgery yet, so I can't say that I know how you feel. However, the one thing that came to mind when I read your post was that your mind probably just hasn't caught up with your body yet. The weight coming off so rapidly is probably one of the reasons for this. I don't know how long you had been overweight before your surgery, but for me, I have been overweight for my whole life. I am sure that it will take awhile to see myself in a different way after I have my surgery being that I have seen myself one way for 30 years!

Maybe it would help if you found one of your friends who you think is thin and asked them if they would be willing to take a side-by-side picture with you...pictures don't lie!

I hope that you can see what the rest of us see real soon...you look amazing and should be very proud of yourself!!!

Debz · 09-27-2008, 07:27 PM

This has nothing to do with age...I'm 44 and feel the same way all the time. I posted the other day that a friend of mine bought me a pair of size 2's at a garage sale. When I took them out of the bag, I thought "Gee, these are so tiny...never gonna fit". And then they did. But don't you know that when I took 'em off and looked at them again, they seemed huge to me? Like somehow, just the idea that they went around my body convinced my brain that of course they had to be tent like. It's a total mind f*$k.

The only time I ever see my body the way it really is is when I catch my reflection in something and I don't realize it's me. And as soon as I do know who that skinny girl in th mirror is she vanishes like smoke, only to be replaced by chunky old me. It's weird...I know other size 2 people are small, and by inference, I must be too...but somehow I just can't make my eyes see it. Body dismorphia, anyone?

moniram8 · 09-27-2008, 07:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Debz

But don't you know that when I took 'em off and looked at them again, they seemed huge to me? Like somehow, just the idea that they went around my body convinced my brain that of course they had to be tent like.
The only time I ever see my body the way it really is is when I catch my reflection in something and I don't realize it's me.

ok you took the words right out of my brain...i swear !!!!
I did the pants thing last night....got my clothes out to go out....looked at my pants said noooo wayyyy they fit.......came home took them off.....and got disgusted when i looked at them....i swear they looked as big as my old 22s......
the mirror thing is kinda freaky too.....one day i walked thru the bathroom and did a double take to see who was in the mirror.....me....duh....
so you are def right about the mind f*%k

Debz · 09-27-2008, 07:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by moniram8

ok you took the words right out of my brain...i swear !!!!
I did the pants thing last night....got my clothes out to go out....looked at my pants said noooo wayyyy they fit.......came home took them off.....and got disgusted when i looked at them....i swear they looked as big as my old 22s......
the mirror thing is kinda freaky too.....one day i walked thru the bathroom and did a double take to see who was in the mirror.....me....duh....
so you are def right about the mind f*%k

I am honestly so interested in this phenomenon. It seems so universal to WLS people. I really want to gather information as see if it happens to people who lose weight slower, with diet, or if it happens more to people who lose it quick like we do. I've been thinking about this a lot lately.

I know it has to be in my head, because I see the way people react to me now. But I still just cant seem to wrap my head around it, the change in me. There has to be a way to change this perception...I guess it's back to the old research game for me. Ain't the 'net grand?