Friends Mean Well - ThinnerTimes

LadyV · 09-26-2008, 08:05 PM

I have not shared with any one my desire to have the surgery, However I went online to a ww forum and was so dishearted at how much negative I receive about the surgery. It really made me doubt myself. Am I admitting to failure by having this operation. I keep doubting myself. I feel my fears will become worst once my family knows this is what Im thinking about doing. How did you handle friends and family negative comments.

Debz · 09-26-2008, 09:04 PM

Failure is knowing that you need to do something and not being able to get it done. Those of us who are or were mordibly obese know that we need to lose weight. By choosing WLS, we aren't failing, we're choosing a different method than most people so that we can succeed.

Some of us lose weight with diet alone, and are successful. (The numbers for this, however are quite discouraging. 95% of M.O. people that lose weight with diet alone gain it back again within two years. That means that only 5% of those people are ultimately successful.) Some of us do it with WLS...and are successul with that. Does it really make a difference which vehicle one uses to arrive at a destination...as long as you arrive?

The question shouldn't be "Am I taking the easy way out?" The question really is, "How can I take control of my obesity so it doesn't kill me", and "What method do I feel is the right way for me to do it?"

Your friends aren't going to live with the consequences of your decisions...only you are. So, they don't get a vote...and you only have to listen to their opinions if you choose to. The way I dealt with my friends as to give them their one chance to say what they thought and then make the subject off limits after that. I honestly think if I had to do it all over again, I would tell so many less people than I did

Either way, WLS is a decison that's outside of the norm, and people are therefore going to have an opinion, and think it's their God given responsibility to share it with you. You just have to get a thick skin and learn how to tell people to screw off. Good luck to you...

Gina in NY · 09-27-2008, 07:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyV

I have not shared with any one my desire to have the surgery, However I went online to a ww forum and was so dishearted at how much negative I receive about the surgery. It really made me doubt myself. Am I admitting to failure by having this operation. I keep doubting myself. I feel my fears will become worst once my family knows this is what Im thinking about doing. How did you handle friends and family negative comments.

I didn't tell anyone. It is no one's business and though I was not at all ashamed that I was having surgery (I mean I was like 300 pounds at 5' 3", everyone could see my failure) I didn't want to have to educate everyone. I told people a year after my surgery which gave me time to "chill" and prove to myself that I was going to succeed.

You can use any set of worthless words to get yourself down about this - but why bother. If by having this surgery, you lose your excess weight, change your life and find the path to health and happiness - who is going to look at you and say you failed? The only one who might is you - so don't.

The fact is, this is a tool. It is not a cure. Your success will be your own, the surgery doesn't do it for you. I wish it did. BUT it does give you just enough help to be able to succeed where you have failed before. You get a few precious months to re-learn how to eat. You get a constant reminder that too much food is not good.

People love to be negative - its easy. Anyway you do something - if it isn't what they chose, is the wrong way. Choose for you!

Godsblessedme · 09-27-2008, 08:08 AM

Quote:

The fact is, this is a tool. It is not a cure. Your success will be your own, the surgery doesn't do it for you. I wish it did

O so true! It is SO not the easy way out at all, i'm amazed at how hard i have to work in order to loose weight and make good choices

I_love_Hello Kitty · 09-27-2008, 08:47 AM

I told VERY few people. I only told one friend locally, my brother, my husband and my mother-in-law...only the people who I thought would be supportive and I would need. I told no other friends who live here (I did tell friends who live in other states who are my oldest friends...but they would never see me, nor criticize me).

I didn't want to hear horror stories, I didn't want people watching what I eat...I didn't want told-you-so's if there were complications (there were) or if I gained weight back (not yet...cross your fingers).

I have lost over 100 lbs and I know people must question "how" I did it...but why does it matter how I did it? I did it. That's all that matters. I am thinner and therefore more healthy...I have more energy, no joint pain, my blood pressure is perfect...cholesterol perfect...and my clothes are nicer! Does it really matter how I did it? Do I need to discuss how I did it with everyone? No. If they ask, I tell them I eat less. I don't owe anyone anything.

I just don't want to educate person after person and I didn't want to justify why the surgery was necessary...NO Jenny Craig was not gonna cut it...NO Weight Watchers didn't work for me. That does not make me a failure....I am a food addict. THIS worked for me. ...don't want negative stories..don't want to answer 100 questions....I'm happy with how I handled it. It worked for me.

LadyV · 09-27-2008, 08:58 AM

Wow, thank you all so very much, I agree and even with all that said, I didn't want people thinking I was ashamed of what I am doing but now reading your comments, I don't find that its anybody business after all you're right, right now I have enought negative thoughts coming from my own mind, why should I entertain negativity from others.

You are a great support system. I am sooooooo glad I found this board.

Baja Big Dog · 09-27-2008, 08:59 AM

The above posts are dead on, first off remember,m Weight Watchers is a business, and that business is to help people loose weight, at a weekly fee. This is a good business, especially when they changed there format about 15 years ago or so, to keep people at a 1 to 2 pound per week weight loss, claiming this is a good way to loose weight, and it also increases there profits dramaticily. Ask WW about there success rate, you will not get any real numbers, and I guarantee they are very low, Ill bet less than 10% after a year. It is like another diet if your morbidly Obese, its not gonna work. Personally I lost over 175 pounds with WW in numerous attempts, and gained back well over 200!!

I told everyone about the surgery, it was kinda obvious that I was in need of some help, at 455 lbs, in an electric chair all day that I could fool anyone. This proved to be a good thing, as during my journey to have this I ran into nothing but positive support from family and friends, only one negitive person, and she was easy to write off after I told her to read up on the surgery and report back to me on the negitive things from it, the only thing she came back with was the addiction issue.

imdaprincess1157 · 09-27-2008, 10:04 AM

I agree with the previous posts. Many people just don't understand what you're going through, and may never understand. The surgery is your decision, and you shouldn't have to justify your thinking to anyone.

I chose to tell very few people about my surgery. My immediate family knew of course, and that was it in terms of family. My aunt put two-and-two together post-op, but theres not much negativity she can give me after the fact. In terms of others, since I'm back at school, I've told only my roommate because I didn't want her to think I had some weird eating disorder lol. I'm sure others are noticing that I've lost a good deal of weight...but weight is such a taboo topic that few people even comment on it. So, in my opinion, the less people that know, the better. Its not because I'm embarressed by the surgery or anything. Its just my business, and shouldn't be made the news headlines for the world.

rivi23 · 09-27-2008, 10:06 AM

I was not going to tell anyone, but I am a teacher, I had to tell my principal, because of time off of work, and well I just could not keep it a secret. I am so happy about my decision, I still tell everyone about it. And I have heard good and bad, and someone always has something they have heard about it, but I am a good story, so I look at it this way, maybe if I tell that good story about my experience, maybe just maybe when someone else talks to that person they will not just share the horror story that they heard, but my story too. I have been so lucky, not had any complications (yet...knock on wood). And my weight has come off, although I still have 40 lbs to hit my goal. And I know there are bad stories, not every patient has a happy ending, but nothing ventured nothing gained right? I was MO for so long, and now I am just obese, and hopefully will one day be normal.

It was my decision, and to hell with the rest, that is my motto.

Now I am not saying that it is not good to be informed, it most definetly is, but you have to make the decision that is best for you, not for others.

New Healthy Lisa · 09-27-2008, 10:06 AM

I've mentioned in other threads that I did some marketing for a weight loss product. As part of my research I found several studies comparing Weight Watchers to other diet methods. They claim to be "the one that works" but the research does not bear that out. They are no more effective long-term than any other diet. And they make a TON of money on "repeat business." In other words, people who lose weight and gain it right back and so need to do it all over again.

What they do seem to be good at is brainwashing their members. Say anything negative about WW in public and you will be tarred and feathered by angry supporters, none of whom are interested in the facts.

So it does not surprise me at all that you'll get a ton of negative response to WLS at the WW forum. It would be kind of like going to a fundamentalist Christian meeting and asking the folks there what they think of you becoming Buddhist. You're not going to get a lot of "well, if that's what works for you, go for it!" comments.

Nor are those folks going to be objective experts on Buddhism. If you wanna be a Buddhist, you should talk to other Buddhists. And if you wanna know about WLS, talk to those who've had it, not those who know little about it beyond what they've been spoon fed by the corporation that's currently fleecing them.

And then, like others have said, make your own decision and to hell with anyone else's opinion. It's none of their business.