In tears - ThinnerTimes

Skylark · 09-24-2008, 08:19 PM

Back in June when I decided that gastric bypass was the right thing for me, I was given a list by my future surgeon with over 20 things/appointments to fulfill. I finished the last prerequisite today. When I came home from the abdominal ultrasound, very excited, my spouse of 29 years decided that "we" are not going to do this. He was extremely cruel and wanted to know why I just can't starve myself without surgery. (He's in perfect shape). He wanted to know why I was so weak that I couldn't do this alone. I'm really devastated as I have been counting on him to support me after surgery. He went to one meeting with me and was so turned off "by the fat in the room" that he left the meeting and came back later to pick me up. Even though I've been crying all evening, I am more resolved than ever to do this. I am trying to tell myself that he is just worried or panicking--I really wish that were so. I realize more than ever that I am doing this for me, but I really wish he would be there for me. I thought we had a good marriage. Has anyone else out there had this happen to them?

izanmanyzanz · 09-24-2008, 08:30 PM

Well, i will be the first to jump on this one. He is doing this because he is scared. Scared that you will lose your weight, get healthy, gain your self confidence back, be a total babe, and leave his sorry ass. Forget him and do this for yourself. Do this to prove to him that you are the strong one and not him. Good luck sweetie and go for it.

Debz · 09-24-2008, 08:37 PM

Wow...I'm so sorry. His response was, in a word, shitty. Maybe he's overwhelmed by the idea of you having major surgery, or perhaps he's afraid you losing weight would change your relationship. There's sme reason he's being a jerk about this...and I'm sure eventually it will come out in the wash. Just know that the reason may be something that's gonna sting a little to hear. Or maybe not. But once yu know what the reason is, you can deal with it.

I know my hunny said to me before my surgery that I should just have willpower. While he's been totally suportive of my choice, I honestly don't think he really understands it.

Even since my surgery, when I've asked him to not bring home my trigger foods, he has said, "well, just don't eat it". Well, duh, dummy...I had my guts sliced, diced and reassembled because I'm a food addict. If I could just not eat it, would I have had to take such a drastic step? What....ever.

Here' the thing...you've made a decision that's positive for yourself. Good for you. Now you just need to gt him on board.You might try giving him this fact that supports the choice of gastric bypass. 19 out of 20 morbidly obese people that lose weight without surgery gain it back within 2 years, often gaining more than they've lost. That means that 95% of overweight people ultimatly fail at their weight loss goals. Yikes...

I can't remember the stats on people who have GPB surgery an I'm too tired to look them up right now. Sorry. But the stats swing greatly in our favor with the surgery. I know it saved my life by reversing my diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol. It's given me the energy to live life normally, and...here's one he might like, greatly improved my sex life.

Good luck to you...let us know how this develops.

Skylark · 09-24-2008, 08:39 PM

To Izanmanyzanz,
Thank you for answering. I really needed to hear that.

Skylark · 09-24-2008, 08:41 PM

Thank you, Debz, too!

izanmanyzanz · 09-24-2008, 08:42 PM

Your welcome, you can do this. If he chooses to be with you and support you through this then good, but if not you have us here and we will all help you through this. Tt is such a wonderful place and you will love it here.

lealphachienne · 09-24-2008, 09:20 PM

You will find the support you need. Is there a good friend hat can be you buddy through this?

You will have to decide to do what is best for you with your given circumstances. Many of us lost friends ans spouses after surgery....many things may not have a chance to become reconciled.

Perhaps your husband will come around.....only you know in your heart what is the best course of action.

cydney · 09-25-2008, 06:40 AM

My hubby did the same sort of thing, not quite as verbal as yours, once the date of my surgery was set. He went on about the fact that I have tried many diets that would have "succeeded" if I would have stuck with them. After a huge blowup, he finally admitted he was scared. Scared that he would lose me during the surgery, scared that I might be sick for the rest of my life, and that he loved me.

Now we are scheduled for surgery on Tuesday. He is working hard at trying to get the schedule figured out, the no drinking figured out, finding foods I will be able to eat, getting a second blender (no clue why), and making the surgery about me. He has been supportive in everything.

Maybe he is just scared because he loves you..... just did not say it very nicely.

CiCi · 09-25-2008, 08:15 AM

Sky, although you are devestated by your husband's reaction, you sound like a strong woman that knows what she needs to do. i really commend you for that. so many people would start doubting their decision but you are still committed to go through with it.

i do believe that as time goes by and people see you are dedicated to having the surgery and show this confidence outwardly, they will relax and back off.

i wish i could offer more. hang in there.

Vim&Vigour · 09-25-2008, 08:28 AM

Sky,
you have received brilliant replies above. Real life experience.
In the face of adversity, do what feels right for you, given the opportunities and circumstances. Do the best you can whenever you can. At least you'll know you have been true to yourself should you be less certain of others and their motives. That helps if and when the chips are down.
You indeed sound tough and strong enough. Here's wishing you strength and best wishes ahead.
Cheers,
Vim