How do you handle all the attention from WLS? - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

Danielle · 09-04-2008, 09:10 AM

I am having a really hard time adjusting to people paying attention to me. Before the WLS and my 56 lbs. gone I was invisible to people. Now everyone is telling me how great I look now. Well what about before? Now that I lost weight I look great and before you barely had two words to say to me. Not sure how to handle all of this attention. How have you all dealt with the new attention? Thanks for the help everyone!

lealphachienne · 09-04-2008, 09:16 AM

they'll forget about you after the shock wears off....maybe in 1-2 years.....

Now, people don't even remember me fat.

It's life, it's human reaction....thank them for noticing and don't take it personally.

CiCi · 09-04-2008, 09:22 AM

Hey Dani, your post is like reading my own all over again.

At the time, I just didn't get it. You people never looked at me before and now all of the sudden you all over me acting as if we're best buds and wanting to know all my "secrets"... as if I had any. I totally resented it, which is not the best reaction, I know. I just didn't get why people felt so comfortable with me just because I was losing weight. I was the same person, right?

But, looking back, I think people (that I knew already) took it as an opportunity to pass along a compliment. They probably didn't mean it the way I was taking it at the time. They were just (for the most part) trying to be nice. (Of course, some of them just wanted scoop so they could report back to others that wanted to know if I really had surgery.)

You asked how I dealt with it? Well, I admit that I ignored it. I might have said "thanks" but then I moved on... no lingering to see if they wanted to chat it up. I was on a mission to lose the weight and get healthy. I didn't want to burden myself with telling my life story to people I barely knew. Again, maybe not the best way to handle it, but it's what I did at the time.

There are plenty of others on here that took things more positively than I did... which is good. I probably should have taken the time to soak up the attention... but I'm just not wired that way.

Colleen · 09-04-2008, 09:27 AM

I lost 130 before this on my own and you're right. It is unnerving to have all your co-workers and family up in your business.

I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with having to do it all over again. At the most, it can be annoying.

Danielle · 09-04-2008, 09:45 AM

Honestly the attention makes me really nervous. I am not used to it. I do say thank you and that is about it. My family of course knows I had surgery. Some of my co-workers do also. I am not to shy about that fact of what I have done. If I can help someone change there life becasue they see the success I am having then great. These are people I never really even spoke to before. It's like when I was heavier I was not good enough and now after losing weight I am. I just don't like the feeling it gives me. Thanks again everyone!

Hamburgler · 09-04-2008, 09:49 AM

So I have dealt pretty well with the attention, I just say thanks and move on, but sometimes eyes are burning holes into me...and it is obvious men are watching me, but I just accept that they are common simple creatures and cant help themselves. Lately ive been getting the skinny comments and that is bothering me a bit, espcially because number one I feel like i have about 20 more lbs to loose on legs and thighs especially, and number 2 my facial appearance has changed so much and not sure im liking it and so I get offended a little with the skinny crap. Hang in there, we are all here for you, but if it really gets to you professional help may be good idea to work through this experience.

SueRN · 09-04-2008, 10:02 AM

Always try to keep in mind that you can never control what another person is going to say to you. You can only control how you react to it. You can choose to take a positive stance or you can choose to be negative. It's not always easy though...is it? You do not owe anyone an explanation unless you want to give it. If someone gives you a compliment...say thanks and move on. If they continue and get on your nerves...tell them to kiss what's left of your ass! We are going to be more noticable to people due to the dramatic weight loss and transformation. It's human nature to be surprised at the difference. Some people are happy for us...some facinated by us...some jealous of us. Just keep up the good work! Sue

CanuckDiva · 09-04-2008, 10:17 AM

Sometimes the attention is wonderful, like when you see an ex-bf, and they are 'stunned' at how you look. Yes, I dated a 'professional' man and apparently I was not his 'forever person' (this is a few years back). Now, when I see him at meetings I get 'hey slim', 'you're fading away!', 'you look amazing, I can't stop thinking about you'... and I just say 'thanks' to the appropriate comments and 'too bad you didn't think about that before' to the inappropriate comments.

Most people, who I didn't date, just say how great I'm looking and I say thanks. I was pretty sociable before surgery but more so now so most who comment are people I know.. and you're right, they just seem more interested - of course the men more than the women, but... that's men for ya.

I'd just take it as a compliment and realize that people are visual creatures and yes, the visual is now the reason they may be more interested in talking to you. It's not really fair but it's how life sometimes works.

Hugs, Kimberly

FutureFitGirly · 09-04-2008, 10:22 AM

I have worried about this forever... I havent had my surgery yet so I still dont know how I will react. I just keep in mind the facts. It is what it is. People are always going to judge a book by its cover. Thats ok. I want my Outer appearances to reflect the person I am inside, beautiful. And to tell the truth....I wouldn't hit on me either.

Vim&Vigour · 09-04-2008, 10:53 AM

Danielle!

You are in a shop or office, needing assistance. It's a complicated matter and you'll only want to explain your story once. Which of the available staff do you approach? The big fatty or the "slimmer" one? 9 times out of 10 one chooses the slimmer one. Why? Because, as individuals, we are naturally prejudiced. We avoid those individuals who appear not to be in control, i.e. who have let themselves turn into big fat slobs, i.e. they have no self-respect or self-discipline. We turn to the individual who is slimmer, who seems to better manage: we fatties have a weight problem and admire slimmer people than ourselves because they seem to know their limits and avoid getting fat. So, we go to them in preference because we are under the impression they are "in control" of themselves.

Hence, the person who is in control of him/herself is the person we admire and respect and seek out as a role model. The person who has actually taken charge and sought to make a difference. That is the person who stands out from our everyday norm; you are becoming the person who has taken charge of your weight situation and by attacking your weakness, you are in charge. That inspires confidence and attention. If they too had the guts, they would. We all have the potential, but not everybody has the ability to make the break.

That's why you are being noticed now - you have something about being in charge of yourself that your co-workers, friends, neighbours etc want a piece of.

Groom yourself for yourself. Feel good about yourself for yourself. So, if at the same time you are cheering on someone else, think of it as your good deed for the day...

Best of happiness forward!
Cheers,
Vim