I got a dear Jane letter - ThinnerTimes

JennaM · 05-17-2005, 08:48 AM

I f*cked up. My husband has had it. I am so lost right now. I have ruined the best thing I ever had. Here it is. I am an alcoholic and am addicted to vicodin. He thinks I'm cheating on him, the fact is I am cheating myself and have ruined my marrage and he wants me out. I haven't told him I have a problem because I am so ashamed. Last night I told him I was going to the library to study ( I have a test today in 30 min.) but I went to a bar and ended up sleeping in my car. I came home ( after waiting til I knew he was gone, cuz I couldn't face him) and found a letter saying that "this is it" "our next conversation should be in a public place" and a lot of other stuff. I did this and I am hurting so bad inside for him and Gavin and myself. I have no where to go. I am going to go to school now and take my test. then go to his work and tell him the truth, I'm not cheating on him, I have a problem and I'm sorry. I'm so ashamed. I have known that I am powerless over my addiction to alcohol and pills and I need help. I have just been so damn ashamed to admit it to anyone. SO I am putting it here. and I am going to admit it to him and I am going to go to an AA meeting tonight. I have always f*cked up good things in my life. why am I so self desructive? He is a good man. Damn myself and my selfish behaviors. I love you guys. Pray for me. Got to go to school now.

gramamarc · 05-17-2005, 09:06 AM

Jenna,
You have taken the first step to your recovery. You know admitting it in public is finally accepting yourself as you are and showing you are willing to change. It will be a long rocky road, but I know you can do it. I am glad your husband did the 'tough love' thing it may have saved you life and will most likely save your marriage. You may have to give him space first but when he sees you are really trying he will support you.

I had to kick my grown daughter out of my house about 10 yrs ago because of her drug addiction and now after 9 clean and sober years she was nominated and received an award in Contra Costa County, (up north) for;
People Who Make a Difference. She is a trusted leader in her field.

I have faith you can doit. I am praying for you and if you need anyone to talk to pm me.
Marcia

Gladitsme · 05-17-2005, 09:31 AM

Jenna,

All I can say is that I'll be praying for you and your family. Hugs.

watergirl · 05-17-2005, 09:37 AM

You've got mail!

msterry · 05-17-2005, 09:37 AM

Jenna,

The first step is to admit you have a problem. The second step is to do something about it. I don't know if you've tried AA or anything like that but what really starts the process is to cleanse your body of the chemical and the vicodin can really take a hold. I went through the McDonald center. You can detox there and then spend 28 days discovering why you feel the need to modify your mind. I'm not saying that's the only answer but a like system would be good. Explore your insurance and see what types of things are covered. In 2002 I went through 28 day rehab, 6 weeks intensive outpatient and continued to aftercare. I was completely sober for 2 years and decided that drinking simply wasn't any kind of problem so I began to drink again. It once again became something I did by habit. On January 10th I quit drinking without any support and haven't had a drink since. I don't crave it in the least. Enough about me, just wanted you to know I speak from experience. You're at a stage that you can change everything 180 degrees.

I'm here for you anytime you need a boost and if you want to go to AA I would be more than happy to accompany. There are many different types of meetings. Speaker meetings, participation meetings etc.

You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Terry

Jeanie · 05-17-2005, 09:55 AM

WOW. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I am sure if you explain to your husband what's going on he will help you. You know that we are all here for you. Let me know if you need anything.

jpucd · 05-17-2005, 10:16 AM

I have been right where you are at. I am a recovering addict/alcoholic. I have been clean for 4 1/2 years. My experience is you have to hit bottom before you can make a change. For me it was after 10 years of drug use and destroying everything I had I finally was put in jail. That was my bottom. Your bottom can be right where you are at. Now that you are faced with the truth and are willing to admit you need help YOU NEVER HAVE TO DRINK OR TAKE ANOTHER PILL!! Ever! i attend N.A. and A.A. meetings. I work the 12 steps. The message there is 'An Addict, any addict can lose the desire to use/drink and learn to live a new way.' This is my truth and it all started with what you just did for yourself. Admitting that your life is unmanagable. Please know that you suffer from the disease of addiction. It is a disease and you are not responscible for your addiction, but you are responcible for you recovery. There is help out there. I'm here for you. Please contace me anytime.
hang in there... one day at a time

Esouza · 05-17-2005, 10:42 AM

Right with ya sweetie. I cross addicted myself and tried unsucessfully to stop many times on my own. Started going to AA a month ago and will have my 30 days sober on the 18th. PM me if you want to talk.

Cheering for ya.

pambragg · 05-17-2005, 10:58 AM

Jenna bean,
Oh baby, I am so sorry that you are going thru this. You have taken the first major step, admitting it to yourself. Now you need to come clean with Don, and that is going to be hard. I know he loves you and he may be relieved to know that there is not another guy. YOU CAN DO THIS. I have total faith in you. What you have is worth fighting for. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. If you need anything at all please give me a call. I love you kiddo.

LizardQueen · 05-17-2005, 11:20 AM

You can beat this, sweetie! Your on your way already. I have been addicted to everything from food to crystal meth to alcohol and vicodin. Be honest with your hubby. Tell him where you are at and where you want to be. If there is anything at all I can do or you just need to talk all you have to od is send me a message. You are a strong, wonderful, loving person and you can overcome this. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Amber