Could I hear some "positive" relationship stories??? - ThinnerTimes

jenn75 · 08-08-2008, 03:14 PM

I had a meltdown last week at my shrink appointment, mainly talking about my fears that me having the surgery could change my future marriage in negative ways (I'm engaged), and a lot of the fears, to be honest, were from reading the threads here in emotional support. Also, I spoke with an old colleague who I used to speak with on the phone (never met IRL) who had the surgery who also said she left her husband and is now so much happier.

I know there must be positive ways in which the surgery has affected other marriages, or made them stronger? Right? I would at least like to hear both sides of it...

I know I think my fiance would really love for me to be more active, and hates seeing me waste my days away, taking lots of naps, etc. So I think he'd be grateful if I had the surgery, even if he doesn't 100% agree with it.

Thanks,
Jenn

pummychal · 08-08-2008, 03:31 PM

My husband had the surgery 13 years ago and I just had it 4 months ago. It has only made our lives better. We feel young again and can enjoy our lives together!

cali4ialuv · 08-08-2008, 04:14 PM

My husband and I have been together for 20 years this month. (Married for 15 years.) We've been together since we were 17 years old. This surgery has drastically improved our marriage. I'm more active, enjoy activities, and is not miserable from being over weight. I was not an easy person to live with prior to the surgery. He says that I act like a diffrent person. I feel so sexy, happy, and outgoing now. He's always been very supportive. Things have definately gotten better. We are best freinds. At five years out, I still obsess over my weight, and it doesn't drive him crazy. In fact, he will ask how I'm doing after I weigh myself. He never had a problem with my weight before, let him tell it, but boy is he ecstatic now! Life is good in that area. I think that those who have maritial problems after the surgery, more than likely have problems prior to the surgery. Hope this helps!

stevegoad · 08-08-2008, 04:25 PM

Well, my wife and I have been married for 2 years.

After only 2 weeks, the relationship is stronger. She was the first to suggest the surgery, even though I was over 400 when I proposed, and she has loved me at all weights.

She is the main reason I went through everything, and I am glad to say it is wonderful.

JanieGirl · 08-08-2008, 07:01 PM

You don't ever hear about the good guys so it does seem like everyone has relationship disasters after the surgery. Well I am hear to say that my husband is the greatest. It has only been 4 months but he is continually telling me how impressed he is with how well I am doing and what a great thing this surgery was. He is a little overweight himself and he said he is inspired to actually start trying to lose some weight. It is all good here!
We will be celebrating 17 years on August 23.

mistymee · 08-08-2008, 07:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JanieGirl

You don't ever hear about the good guys so it does seem like everyone has relationship disasters after the surgery. Well I am hear to say that my husband is the greatest. It has only been 4 months but he is continually telling me how impressed he is with how well I am doing and what a great thing this surgery was. He is a little overweight himself and he said he is inspired to actually start trying to lose some weight. It is all good here!
We will be celebrating 17 years on August 23.

I've posted about my good guy! He has done things a woman would *never* want her fiance to have to do but not only did he do them, he's never complained.. been incredibly supportive... and very proud of me. He loved me at 317.. but he's really digging the 'new me' quite a bit :0)

I have come to really believe what someone else has said.. if your relationship is good.. it gets better... it's those that are already rocky that tend to suffer post-operatively.

My only concern for you, Jenn, is where you say he'd be happier if you didn't waste away your days.. but are the things you're doing what you consider a waste or is that him talking? And are you sure that these things will change? What I mean is.. are these things YOU want to change for YOU? It's not a good idea to try to change to make someone else happy..

Good luck, hon..these changes ARE scary, for sure.

KarenInKali · 08-08-2008, 07:45 PM

We've been married for almost 21 years. He has been with me through thick and thicker... LOL, can't say thin - YET!

I had been trying to have surgery for almosta year, and then finally had surgery in May of this year. My hubby has been with me every step of the way - seminars, support meetings, dr. appts, etc. So far, so good. He loves the way I look, LOL, he loves the way it's almost like sleeping with a new woman every couple of weeks, and I only see great things in our future!

Baja Big Dog · 08-08-2008, 08:59 PM

I think because you don't hear about the positive things with relationships, some people think they don't exist.

Insecurities can be relationship wreckers, and most guys that are comfy with a heavy woman get a little paranoid when she gets in shape...

It always is not the guy, but the girl, because being noticed, and commented on is an ego booster, and lets face it, chicks dig it!!

I_love_Hello Kitty · 08-08-2008, 10:48 PM

I'm not saying this is true for all of those who have posted here...so please don't get offended anyone...but I think if a marriage falls apart due to surgery, there were issues before...self esteem issues...and when one person gets thinner that person feels better about themselves and leaves the other person behind...or the spouse of the post-oper feels threatened and it causes tension...

Since I've lost weight my husband has been so supportive...he was my soul mate regardless of my weight...he loved me then and he loves me now...no matter how fat or thin. I would never leave him just because I feel better about myself and even if other men look my way..its no matter. It feels good...but would never tempt me...and he knows how much I love him so he has no reason to feel threatened. He is continuously boosting my ego..he tells me I'm hot......he is proud of me...and I feel more confident...so things are only better.

Alleusion · 08-09-2008, 05:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by I_love_Hello Kitty

I'm not saying this is true for all of those who have posted here...so please don't get offended anyone...but I think if a marriage falls apart due to surgery, there were issues before...self esteem issues...and when one person gets thinner that person feels better about themselves and leaves the other person behind...or the spouse of the post-oper feels threatened and it causes tension...

I think this pretty much says it. If your relationship was strong going in, then it will make it through. I was so sure I'd be one of the positive stories, but after I lost the weight and gained my confidence and self esteem back, my ex husband became abusive. We can't determine how the other half of the relationship is going to take the changes that you're going to end up going through.

Best of luck to you on your surgery and your up coming marriage!