Could I hear some "positive" relationship stories??? - Page 2 - ThinnerTimes

coptergirl · 08-09-2008, 05:55 AM

Ok...so this may not sound like a positive realationship story, but trust me...it is.

My marriage was rocky at best when I went into surgery, and we are now legally separated. Many of you read through my posts of the details of what happened, so I won't rehash them here because that was the ugly part.

The positive part for me is this: Without me lumbering around with 150 extra pounds on me, I am more confident and sure of who I am at this stage in life. I am no longer with a man who was a millstone around my neck, but am free and enjoying a new life. I will be going back to school either in October or January, I will be buying a townhouse in the next month or so, I will be starting a new job, and I am living in a beautiful place and am so very happy. Oh yeah...and I am dating

The world is my oyster

To those of you with great marriages that are flourishing - cherish them...you are very blessed

Toony · 08-09-2008, 06:13 AM

Put me in the Club of a rock-solid marriage --- thru Thick or Thin... in Sickness and in Health... we're both there for each other! And there have been plenty of Thick and Sick times for us...

.............married 37 years in Oct. Yes, I could be mom to most of you!!!

VanessaSFL · 08-09-2008, 06:20 AM

Mine is good.We have had ups and downs ...more downs before my surgery three years ago...

Ran was here in May and we both agreed that our Marriage is the best it has been in years...

*Disclaimer* Husband is 7000 miles away...but trust me I can still "push" his buttons..even over the phone he can bust me when I roll my eyes...lol

I wonder if we get along so well now because we are apart

Thats another thread, sorry.

Claire-in-Texas · 08-10-2008, 09:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by I_love_Hello Kitty

I'm not saying this is true for all of those who have posted here...so please don't get offended anyone...but I think if a marriage falls apart due to surgery, there were issues before...self esteem issues...and when one person gets thinner that person feels better about themselves and leaves the other person behind...or the spouse of the post-oper feels threatened and it causes tension...

Since I've lost weight my husband has been so supportive...he was my soul mate regardless of my weight...he loved me then and he loves me now...no matter how fat or thin. I would never leave him just because I feel better about myself and even if other men look my way..its no matter. It feels good...but would never tempt me...and he knows how much I love him so he has no reason to feel threatened. He is continuously boosting my ego..he tells me I'm hot......he is proud of me...and I feel more confident...so things are only better.

Simone said it better than I ever could.....she describes my own husband as she describes her own.

janine · 08-10-2008, 02:02 PM

I have to say that my husband has surprised me along this journey. I thought he'd have a problem with all the changes. I first thought he'd find me unatractive and our sexuality would change and I'd feel different to him. He married a big woman who got bigger after 3 kids and 21 years of marriage. I wandered if he'd want to exercise, if it would bother him if I went out on my own to be more active. The old couch potato would be gone and how could he handle the new me. Could he deal with me emotionally since I'll be crying alot in the beginning (the roller coaster)? Would he be jeolous of other men? Would he be overprotective and overbearing? Would my Vagina get loose? and on and on and on. To my surprise, he's stood by me. He's been my rock and my soft place to land. I just can't say enough about how he's been such a champ. He seems happier than he's been in years. I've changed both physically and mentally, I'm more outgoing and more independent, this has relieved him of many stresses in his life. It's so strange to see how the changes in me can touch all the lives around me. He has allowed me to change and has adapted to the new changing me. It's all so strange, even my children have a different respect for me.

There was a reason I was so big... Food was my main stay, Food was my comfort, Food was my stress reliever. I've had to make changes and not except disrespect and abnoxious behavior and when I took charge and turned my attention to the real source of problem solving because food was no longer there to fix things. My husband found a new respect for me and my children treat me so much better. I've had to stand up for myself and express my feelings differently.

My story has been a positive one in many ways. I have a ways to go and time will only tell what the future has in store for me. Just remember that it is you that is changing and your man will either except and love the changes or decide that the new you is not what he bargoned for. Life and relationships are about risk. Take the chance, either way you'll be better off. Hopefully he'll see you through the rough times and stick by you for the good.

Godsblessedme · 08-11-2008, 08:05 AM

Quote:

To those of you with great marriages that are flourishing - cherish them...you are very blessed

yep i am envious of those beautiful marriages and think you all are SO blessed! Katie that is amazing 37 years i think that is the most special thing to share your life with someone for that long.

I wont comment on my situation

bezobraz · 08-11-2008, 02:17 PM

I’ve been married for 13 years. We got married early; we’ve met when we both were just 19. I am lucky; he is great husband and a great father. It definitely got better after surgery. I am happier and I feel good and it is something that is definitely makes our family stronger and happier.

My hubby would jokingly complain that I have too much energy now and I create more projects for him nowadays. But he is happy that I am happy.

There are no guaranties for any of us. Things happen, but I am sure there are plenty of positive stories when marriage got better and stronger post-op.

Tonya

CeeCee · 08-11-2008, 03:21 PM

We've been together for almost 13 years, been married for 9 months. My husband is my best friend and my biggest supporter and has always just wanted my happiness and health! I want to live forever, so I can spend it with him. GBS has given us more time together. You'll be fine as long as you have a good relationship. Oh- and did I mention my man is a saint? Anyone who can put up with me post-RNY, going through "the change", and planning a wedding...

BillH · 08-11-2008, 06:16 PM

My wife of over thirtytwo years also works with me. We pastor a church together. All I can say is that since my GBS on April Sixteenth, she's continued to be the most incredible person I have ever met. With a bad hip and fifteen stairs up to our room, I'm always asking her to bring something down that I've forgotten. She never bitches or moans. She loves the Magic Bullet blender as much as I do and she's my greatest supporter...Do we have a "perfect" relationship? Heck no, who does? I just know she's the best...the best for me, the most patient...The person who helps me laugh when I need it, the person who gently encourages, who listens to my rants, who rants to me, she's my "Forever and Always" and GBS hasn't seemed to change that one little bit. If anything, GBS has made our relationship even stronger, because she has seen me care for me in order to be there for US....

jenn75 · 08-17-2008, 08:13 AM

Thanks all! Sorry, I was on vacation. Thank you for all of the great and positive replies to this thread/my request. I'm glad to see that it does bring out the best sometimes in people and in your relationships. This is a huge relief. My fiance and I are best friends and he is such a great support to me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mistymee

My only concern for you, Jenn, is where you say he'd be happier if you didn't waste away your days.. but are the things you're doing what you consider a waste or is that him talking? And are you sure that these things will change? What I mean is.. are these things YOU want to change for YOU? It's not a good idea to try to change to make someone else happy..

Good luck, hon..these changes ARE scary, for sure.

Thanks for your concern and I could see by my statements how you would be. But his concerns are my concerns as well, and were/are my concerns first (before he even came along). I realize I'm wasting my days away. Mostly sleeping, but mainly not living life to its fullest. He knows it just as much as I do. He helps me remind me of it and helps me face it so I don't just allow myself to stay in some depression and ignore it, either, for which I'm grateful. He wants to see me happy because he knows that I want to change and right now I'm stuck. I gave up trying to change for men a long time ago...he definitely knows that. He is not 100% for the surgery but he sees that I feel that the surgery might help propel me past this state of being stuck. I'm stuck in a state of no energy. I'm also going through some sort of early life crisis in which I'm bored with life in general. I am looking forward to having more energy to spark new interests in life, to find new passions in life, both by myself, and as a couple.