bridgetgirl

I was talking with Jeanie yesterday and I was telling her about some feelings after GBP. When I was fat I couldnt get people to help me, you know how it is... to be avoided. Then yesterday I was in line at TARGET and I was like 3rd in line, the guy said hello to each person in front of me, joked around with a lil boy, and then when I walked up, he didnt say one single word to me. No hello, didnt even look at me, just my products on the counter, I had bought some clothes for the boys and even took all the hangers off to help him out, and he didnt say thank you. It wasnt until I got my reciept and told him to have a great day, that he responded with " you too ", and " thank you ".

Last night I was out with Jeanie and Angela, and I have to admit we are cuties, not one person asked us to dance. NOT ONE! This is a common reoccurance, except at Jimmy Loves, everyone wants to dance at Jimmy's.

It is very frustrating to me to keep hearing it..... " Men are intimidated by beatiful women" It sounds like suck a crock of $h*t to me.... but how else can any one explain it? I got no love fat, and im not getting any love thin. I can barely get a hello.....

So I started the internet dating thing, it has worked out well. But often times there I hear about the initial hesitation men have had to email me, that they thought I would not be interested, that I am " out of their league" " what am i doing single?" yada yada yada. When we talk on the phone, they are shocked at how down to earth I am , and how im not a primadonna....
Then I go on the date, have the guy react to me quite positively, hold my hand, touch me often... (gentlemanly) great manners, great time, laughs I mean a perfect time..... only to never hear from them ever again.

I dont know what Im doing wrong, I think that I am a good date, I dont ask too many questions, I keep it light and I keep it fun.

I know this is complaining, but it stinks that as a fat person and as a thin person Im still faced with prejudice... I hate it.

Any advice? I mean I dont need to hear the stuff thats going to make me all warm and fuzzy on the inside. I just want to know if anyone else is experiencing the same thing? I smile alot, I consider myself friendly... maybe Im TOO happy? lol Go figure... I appreciate any of your feedback!

__________________
J.Bridget Fisher aka koi-pea
2/9/04 lap 5'11"
298/170-trying to lose another 10

www.myspace.com/caliclovercutie
What Sawyer would call me on LOST: ladybug

"People will argue with you that getting what you want in life isn’t something you can learn, if you’re destined to be one of the worlds winners as opposed to one of its perpetual whiners, its because you have been born with the right talents and temperament and have a big dose of self-esteem, ambition, and good judgment." Kate White

gramamarc

Bridget,
I am by no means pretty or beautiful but certainly not ugly! . But I used to experience the same thing when I used to go out. No matter who I was with or what they looked like, I was always the one who was not asked to dance. I have been single for 30 years and only had 3 semi-serious boyfriends. I could never figure it out either.
I always wanted to get married again, it just didn't happen...
Sorry this will not make you feel better, no warm fuzzy's here!
Marcia

newbetterme

Oh Bridget! I so understand what you are talking about. I have to wonder if a girl as pretty as you is having problems...lord help me.

Sometimes when i get home after being out i wonder what it is about me that men dont talk to me. Maybe its just my own insecuity.

If you are offered a good answer, please let me know.

__________________
Debbie
11/15/04 Lap
Dr. Callery
321/158/140 BMI 23.5
171lbs gone for?? working on FOREVER!!

Jeanie

Shot Bridget I think you're hot! If I liked women I would be all over you.
Well, I learned last night that it's not cool to say Hello to someone. You should say Hi or Hey in a very nice way.....lol
Last night was odd people would look us up and down, and then just walk away. I got a few smiles out of people but that was it. I don't think that I'm that great looking, so I don't have the "hot" girl factor on my side. Who knows. I thought loosing weight would help my dating experience but so far no good.
Hey Bridget at least you have the nerve to walk up and talk to someone. I so don't have that. Unless I'm really drunk. Then I get liquid courage.

__________________
Jeanie
Lap Dr. Callery
July 7, 2004
Savanna Annmarie was born on 10/14/2008

Gladitsme

__________________
Nancy
7/19/05 Lap RNY Dr.Callery


Just call me SisterBear!

Dara

Bridget:

God only knows...I've never been an expert with men. But maybe I can share my quirks, trials and tribulations with you, and see if anything sounds familiar.

Because of my abuse history, I subconsciously picked men who were the very worst possible match for me. Those were the men I was immediately attracted to...I fell for them like a rock. The emotionally unavailable ones...the verbally and emotionally abusive ones. The ones who were never going to commit to a real relationship. Yep, I was in LOVE! I practiced this behavior over and over...and was miserable.

The guys who were sweet, kind and seemed interested in a real relationship...I ran the other way. They would freak me out...make me really nervous.

A perfect example...I dumped my (now) husband after our first date. Why? Because he was waaaaaay too nice to me. Luckily, he hung in there for another six months (while I dated another man) and I gave him a second chance. Then, after I introduced him to my brother and daughter, I tried to dump him again. Luckily, my brother and daughter both told me they would kick my a$$ if I dumped him. They knew he was perfect for me...it was just that I wouldn't let myself accept his love and kindness. It took me a year to finally be able to tolerate his love and kindness and realize that I was worthy of it.

I guess my point in all this is....are you subconsciously seeking out the wrong type of man for yourself? Are you unwittingly setting yourself up for failure? Maybe you should try going out with a guy that you're not all hot and bothered with, but seems to be a nice guy anyway. Try changing your requirements or likes and dislikes. Shake it up a bit and see what happens.

I wish I had the magic answer for you, sweetie. But if I did, I'd be a gazillionaire!

Much love and kisses to you...

__________________

Dara
Open RNY 4/27/04 Dr. Callery
10-15 lbs. above goal weight and okay with it

bridgetgirl

I dont have the answer Deb, I wish I did. It sucks being treated this way, especially becuase I feel as though I have a second lease on life, a great attitude and no drama. Im so flippin' happy! I dont know why people get afraid, if there is one thing i have learned people want to be accepted and heard, everyone has a story and I am more than thrilled to listen!

Marcia, I have only had 3 boyfriends myself... < gasp > i guess thats it for me I didnt want the warm and fuzzy stuff, I want to hear real stories......You know what else stinks? When I was fat i was the table holder, drink watcher, protector of purses, I thought that would change and it hassnt. It really saddens me to the point where I just dont want to go out at all. But, dating is a numbers game and to better my odds I have to be out... so therefor I go....

Jeannie: My lil meatball, its my feeling that we should just take a dance class together, we are going to be ignored and dancing with each other for a VERY long time.... too hot to trot!

__________________
J.Bridget Fisher aka koi-pea
2/9/04 lap 5'11"
298/170-trying to lose another 10

www.myspace.com/caliclovercutie
What Sawyer would call me on LOST: ladybug

"People will argue with you that getting what you want in life isn’t something you can learn, if you’re destined to be one of the worlds winners as opposed to one of its perpetual whiners, its because you have been born with the right talents and temperament and have a big dose of self-esteem, ambition, and good judgment." Kate White

bridgetgirl

My type, I like "mathletes" if you will. I dont usually date anyone without a college education. I date mostly engineers, lawyers, a couple of cops, IT guys... I am really into brains. I wont date anyone who is not registered to vote and who doesnt vote. I always ask before a date if the guy is registered to vote..... ALWAYS. If they arent its a turn off and I wont go out with him, I dont tell him thats why... I jusy grow distant I think.

I have zero tolerance for ignorance, zero. If your not a smarty i have nothing to say. Im not into athletes or football players or anything like that. I usually dont date anyone in the military, those guys scare me as they can lead two different lives... it happened to me twice. But the marine guy he was cute, sweet and a Sargeant. Not like a lancecorpral or anything. my man definitely has to have a mind.

I didnt really have abusive relationships... my "first love" at 16 years old beat me up, locked me up, knocked me out, whatever, on several occasions. I hid it from my mom for 2 years, he and I broke up and my mom put me into therapy. My ex husband, he just couldnt keep his hands off other woman.... so thats why we ended our relationship, over the years he has grown into a control freak, but not while we were together. My last boyfriend 7 years ago, he was a military guy. Sometimes things with him wouldnt add up, he would always apologize for his mistakes with LAVISH gifts. I found out I was the OTHER woman... I couldnt believe it, she showed up on my doorstep and I never talked to him again.

See Im not one to mafiest negative behavior. I dont think I can "change" a man and hang onto him hoping he does.. I dont like projects! But I have to admit I do like nerds!

So Dara, wise sister girl .... yoou have a lil insight about me... well y'all do now. What cha thinking?


Loser2be: I never try looking for love in a bar, Im strictly there for a good time.. not a long time lol! I love hanging with my staper sisters. Yeah we danced together... Jeanie and i usually wind up dancing together... lol

__________________
J.Bridget Fisher aka koi-pea
2/9/04 lap 5'11"
298/170-trying to lose another 10

www.myspace.com/caliclovercutie
What Sawyer would call me on LOST: ladybug

"People will argue with you that getting what you want in life isn’t something you can learn, if you’re destined to be one of the worlds winners as opposed to one of its perpetual whiners, its because you have been born with the right talents and temperament and have a big dose of self-esteem, ambition, and good judgment." Kate White

bridgetgirl

Okay, I am chatting with a guy that I have known for about a year, had a few dates, great time but he lives in Texas, hence why I dont see too much more of him. We stay in touch. He is an engineer for a software company and makes well over 6 figures a year, very smart guy.
Here is the conversation:

Me: What do you mean by I can do much better?
EbeenezerScrooge: than me
Me: how so? I think your terrfiic
EbeenezerScrooge: awww
EbeenezerScrooge: you're hot
EbeenezerScrooge: i'm not
Me: looks are irrelevant
Me: its all about how beautiful you are on the inside
Me: beauty fades
Me: substance and implants are forever


See what is that all about?

__________________
J.Bridget Fisher aka koi-pea
2/9/04 lap 5'11"
298/170-trying to lose another 10

www.myspace.com/caliclovercutie
What Sawyer would call me on LOST: ladybug

"People will argue with you that getting what you want in life isn’t something you can learn, if you’re destined to be one of the worlds winners as opposed to one of its perpetual whiners, its because you have been born with the right talents and temperament and have a big dose of self-esteem, ambition, and good judgment." Kate White

sryamy

Hey Bridget, Have you been reading my mind. I know and feel every word you have said.

As the fat girl I was every mans best freind. All my life I have been just one of the guys.I grew up in a man orientated world and could always relate better to them. All through High School and College I hung out with the same group of guys. I like a few of you haven’t had very many boyfriends (2). (One of the following guys and one that was my angle.) There was 10 of them and me. I went everywhere with them. There was a lot of drinking and drugs and a lot of abuse: of me. While in my haze I felt comfortable and felt wanted – I had male attention. That I had never had before. So I learnt in my formidable dating age that as a fat girl I had to except being used and abused in order to obtain and maintain male attention. I couldn’t see the abuse and as the abuse got worse so did my weight. When I finally broke away from them I was very over weight 250lb and very confused. I moved to Phoenix to live with my grandma, and tried to put my life back together. I was miserable I had no friends and men wouldn’t even talk to me. I tended to turn all bad experience back on myself, telling myself if you we’re thin and beautiful you would never have this problem. Spiraling deeper into myself and my eating.

I told my family and friends that I had the surgery for my health and so my daughter wouldn’t have a fat mother. But the true reason is so that I could feel attractive and find someone. When I first hit my goal I thought I have arrived! I honestly thought that I wouldn’t have a problem getting a date. I was still very un-selfassured and scared around men. I wanted so bad for them to notice me, but was scared of that at the same time. I started to the internet dating thing and found some good and bad, but I wasn’t emotionally ready for anything, and it (has it always has in my life) quickly turned into a sexual relationship. Which was not what I wanted.

I ‘ve cried myself to sleep many times thinking what is that those girl that always have men hanging on them have that I don’t. I’ve come to the conclusion, that they have a deep rooted since of who they are and are self confident and self assured. I’ve also noticed they seem to be flirty but not easy. They seem to be smart and able to hold a conversation but not a know it all. I think that men (and women) can since when women is needy or uncomfortable with themselves or the situation and are turned off. They don’t want drama. I am not saying you are any of these Bridget, I am more speaking to and about myself and if you learn or get something from this than that’s is wonderful. 

I have notice that when I was all of the above and went to the bar looking for a man, I couldn’t find a single one. When I go to have fun with my girls and don’t care if I find a man. Then I normally at least end up talking to at least one. The only advice I have is find yourself, honestly and truly LOVE yourself and be who you are and it will come. When you least except it. Or at least that what my grandma says…lol 

Someone posted about looking for a different type of a person, I know for myself that is true.

Is anyone interest in joining a singles sporting group. It’s away to meet people other than the bar. I know a few I’ll have to look up the names and get back to you.

But Bridget don’t give up, like you said it’s a numbers game and be yourself and you wont be able to beat them off with a stick. Love ya chicken

__________________
Sindi
open 12/10/02
5"11 298/168/145
Thinking too long about doing something often leaves it undone.